So This Is Christmas
by evitascarlett
Summary: Christmas 1874: Scarlett wants to give Wade and Ella what they want most for Christmas. They want Rhett to come home but will he respond to the deal Scarlett offers him for his presence or will they spend the holidays alone again? (Now Edited.)
1. Please Come Home For Christmas

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character's from Gone with the Wind they belong to Margaret Mitchell.

Prologue – Please Come Home for Christmas

Late November 1874

Rhett sat silently in the dark paneled library of his mother's comfortable Charleston home. The only noise to be heard was the popping of the flames in the fireplace that had been lit to ward off the chill of late November. He stared into the flames as he picked up the crystal glass and drank allowing the amber colored brandy to course through him as his mind contemplated the letter lying on the side table next to his chair. He had hesitated opening it at first once he had recognized Scarlett's smooth flowing handwriting. It had been a long time since Scarlett had written him. She had seemed to get the point that he wanted nothing to do with her when he sent her letters back unopened and attached to divorce papers with a terse note telling her that the only correspondence he wished to have with her would deal with the dissolution of their marriage. That had been four months after he had left her and he hadn't heard a word from her in all that time nor had she signed the divorce papers and mailed them back.

He hadn't kept his promise to her. He hadn't once set foot in Atlanta to keep the gossip down. A surge of guilt nagged him briefly but he chased it away with another sip of alcohol. Surely it hadn't been easy for her but then again why should he feel bad about that when she had never made anything easy for him. Rhett ran a hand through his dark hair and picked up the letter to read once again.

_Dear Rhett_

_I can only hope that the fact that I've given you the peace you sought after and left you alone all this time will assure me that you will open and read this one letter. I wouldn't bother sending it if I didn't have to for I know chances are you will send it back unopened and everything will be ruined once again. What I'm about to ask you is not for me Rhett, I want to get that point across right now. I'm asking you to come home for Christmas, for Wade and Ella. Especially for Wade. Please Rhett come home for the holidays for them. They want you here so badly and I promised them I'd try. I also promise you that if you do this one thing for me I'll return the favor. I'll give you what you want most from me. I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you while you're here. I won't make a fool of myself by telling you that I love you even though it's true because I know you don't want to hear it and that you no longer hold such feelings for me. You don't have to worry about me throwing myself at you or crying and begging you to stay once New Years is over. If you come home and spend Christmas with Wade and Ella I'll sign the papers Rhett. I swear I will if that's what you want; it will be my way of returning the favor you'll be doing me by not making me break a promise to the children. This is important to me, I want so much to make this Christmas a happy one for Wade and Ella especially after last Christmas was so miserable for all of us, and by us I include you too for I know it was especially hard for you even though I didn't see you although we kept hoping you'd appear. _

_We are both business minded people and so I will give this matter a businesslike approach that might appeal to you. The deal I'm offering is that you come home for the holidays and at it's conclusion I'll sign the papers and set you free. If you do not I will not sign and you'll be legally chained to me for life and I know how you feel about the prospect of that. If you come home you must stay through New Years, if you don't, I won't sign. If I break my end of the deal by making unwanted advances or declarations of love that you don't want I'll sign and you may leave whenever you want. That's my offer Rhett but please remember that this isn't about me. It's about Wade and Ella and surely we can put aside our differences to give them a nice Christmas…at least I'm willing to try and I hope you are too. I hope to see you in Atlanta but if not I'll understand. I just hope the children will. No matter what you chose to do we hope you'll have a happy holiday._

_- Scarlett_

Rhett smiled he had to hand it to Scarlett she knew all the right buttons to push and how to pour on the guilt. So she was blackmailing him for Christmas, what a lovely gift for a wife to give a husband he thought with amusement as he chuckled quietly. Placing the letter back on the stand he thought over the words she had written him. He was somewhat bothered that she seemed sincere in her quest to bring him home for the sake of the children and going as far as to offer her signature on divorce papers to seal the deal.

"When did she turn into a loving mother?" he said aloud to the fire that once again captivated his gaze.

Her skills as a mother weren't really bothering him though if he were to be honest He was more bothered about the actual prospect of divorcing Scarlett. He laid his head back against the soft brown material of the arm chair and closed his eyes. As he figured Scarlett's face flashed in his mind and he found himself overwhelmed with the urge to see her again. An urge he had been fighting for over a year. He wasn't even sure he wanted to divorce Scarlett anymore. Foolishly he had thought that time away from her would erase her from his mind and his heart but it hadn't. All that it had done was engrain her deeper into his soul. After the numbness wore off from the loss of Bonnie he found that there was still love for Scarlett left inside him but Rhett wanted those emotions to remain there hidden until they evaporated like puddles after a rain storm. He was torn when it came to his wife.

Did he keep running from her and protecting himself from her and whatever her brand of love may be? Or did he go home to her and try to pick up the shards of glass that was their life and try to make it work? He squeezed the arm of the chair in aggravation he didn't want to get caught up in Scarlett's web again and yet he couldn't help but feel it pulling him like a moth to a flame. Then there _was_ the matter of the children. He had to admit that he hadn't given them any thought when he had left Scarlett. He had thought of them after the fact wondering how they had coped with the loss of Melly and her motherly affection and with his own absence. He could imagine how they most likely were suffering being abandoned with Scarlett. His mind was intrigued with the way she had written 'especially for Wade' in her letter. Was there something wrong with the boy or was it a ploy of Scarlett's to bring him home by using her children and their vulnerability as bait. It seemed as though she had realized the desperate sound of her missive spurning her to take on the business like tone half way through it. He didn't know if he should trust the sincerity of her letter or be suspicious.

Christmas in Atlanta hadn't been something he had thought of or wanted but on the other hand spending another Christmas in Charleston didn't exactly appeal to him either. He was beginning to feel restless in his hometown with its rigid society that was worse than the old cats of Atlanta. Going abroad and up North had done nothing to lessen the feeling. Another strike against Charleston as the ideal place to celebrate the holiday was the disapproving look of his mother. She had quietly bereted him last year for not being with his wife and her children for Christmas or at least sending for them to join him here. "What a pain holidays can be" he said aloud as he pondered his options. It was going to be a difficult choice to make. Christmas in Charleston with its boredom and his mother's disapproval or Christmas in Atlanta protecting his fragile heart and the unpredictability of life with Scarlett and her little deal she was offering him. He raised his glass to his lips and took a long swallow finishing his drink and laughed as Scarlett's favorite mantra "I'll think about it tomorrow" slipped from his lips.


	2. Comfort and Joy

Authors Note: I did some research about when store Santa's or 'Saint Nicholas' began and found that some stores began the tradition in the 1850's maybe even earlier in some cases. I thought it might be something Scarlett would take advantage of in her own business.

Chapter 1 – Comfort and Joy

December 7, 1874

Scarlett sighed as her carriage slowly made its way through the busy streets of Atlanta. Ella was on her knees on the velvet seat next to her gazing out the window at the preparations being made for Christmas. Decorations were going up and shoppers were milling about excitedly. It was only the first week of December and already the town seemed overwhelmed with Christmas spirit. It looked like the citizens of Atlanta were finally rebounding and shaking off the dust of the past as they prepared for what looked to be the first truly good Christmas the town had seen since before the war. The street corners already held carolers serenading passersby and their voices carried through the crisp December air and penetrated Scarlett's carriage.

_"O tidings of comfort and joy_

_Comfort and joy"_

Scarlett lowered her head sadly as they passed by the singers. She had comfort in the way of material things but little of it elsewhere in her life. As for joy she lacked that completely but she was making an effort at faking it for Wade and Ella's sake. Ella seemed to be the only one who appreciated her efforts at trying to be a better mother and making their holiday happy. Wade on the other hand appreciated nothing she tried to do for him and her heart broke a little more each time he looked at her with disgust in his eyes when she tried to make an effort to be close to him. But for every hateful look Wade gave her there was a smile and eyes full of love and admiration from her daughter.

"Thank god for Ella," she thought to herself as she turned her face to observe her daughter and absentmindedly reached out and ran her fingers through Ella's dark red curls for a moment.

Ella turned from the window and smiled at her revealing a gap in the bottom row of her teeth where she had recently lost a tooth. "Thank you for bringing me to the store with you today, Mama."

Scarlett smiled feeling grateful that she had taken the time over the last year to get to know and bond with her daughter. "You're welcome darling."

"I can't wait to see Saint Nicholas," Ella replied excitedly.

Scarlett laughed, "Are you going to ask him for a new tooth to replace the one you lost?" she teased.

Ella giggled, "Saint Nicholas can't bring me a tooth Mama it has to grow on its own!"

"Of course how silly of me to suggest such a thing," Scarlett replied enjoying the banter that she so easily shared with Ella.

"I have better things to ask Saint Nicholas for," she answered.

Impulsively Scarlett leaned over and kissed Ella's cheek "I'm sure you'll get whatever you wish for.".

"I hope so," she replied as she turned back to the window.

Scarlett let her mind drift back to the evening a couple weeks ago when she had set down with the newspaper and had saw an article talking of stores in the North hiring men to play the role of Saint Nicholas for the children and how it brought in a lot of business. Scarlett was never one to pass up a good opportunity to boost sales and she quickly hired a jolly old Irish man with twinkling blue eyes and a white beard named Edward Riley to fill the role. Mr. Riley reminded her of her father with his lilting accent and good humored nature. The old man had donned the red robes and taken to his new role with the same joyful abandon as the children who came to tell him their Christmas wishes.

She hadn't mentioned his presence at the store to her children, Wade being too old to believe and too mean lately to trust him not to ruin it for his little sister but Ella had heard about it from her classmates the day before and had begged her to take her to see him after school so that she could tell him her own Christmas wishes. Scarlett was happy that the article had been right about the raise in profits with the use of Mr. Riley as Saint Nicholas.

Children all over Atlanta were clamoring to get to Kennedy's Emporium. Over the last couple days, Scarlett had seen people step inside her door who had sworn they'd never give her their business. Scarlett smirked as she thought of the amount of packages that they seemed to collect as they waited for their child to have its turn. The holiday season looked to be a successful one for her in the business sense. Privately however the only success she could boast about was her mended relationship with Ella. Ella's love and forgiveness was a godsend to her but she still felt hollow inside as the carriage stopped in front of the store. Scarlett guided Ella inside and sent her off to join in the long line of children waiting their turn with Saint Nicholas. Seeing Ella join the line Mr. Riley turned his gaze toward Scarlett and winked at her, making her smile as she moved toward her office. She sat down at her simple wood desk and pulled the ledgers from the drawer to go over but she stared at them blankly as her mind continued to wander. Rhett's image came to mind as usual.

She hadn't received a response to the letter she had sent him and each day that passed shattered any hopes of him coming home for Christmas. Her only comfort was that he hadn't returned it to her unopened like the stack of letters at home in the drawer of her vanity. She wouldn't have even bothered writing to him but she had promised Wade and Ella that she would. They had started on her at the beginning of November to ask him to come home. This would be the second Christmas Rhett had missed and it would give the old guard something to snicker over as they sipped their cider at their holiday parties that Scarlett and her children weren't welcomed at. Scarlett felt tears sting her eyes but she blinked them away. She didn't really care what those old cats said about her and they weren't the reason she wanted Rhett to come home. She missed him…she needed him but he didn't seem to care what her or her children needed.

He had lied to her fourteen months ago when he left her. He hadn't once came back to keep the gossip down and then he had sent those awful divorce papers with his nasty note telling her he wanted no correspondence with her unless it was related to their divorce.

"I hope he's had a nice long wait for those papers" Scarlett thought bitterly as the memories of all the nights she had cried and drank and grieved for him along with Bonnie and Melly.

Then there had been the children and their grief and adjustment to a life with only her. Ella's tears and nightmares were easier to deal with than Wade's newly acquired bad behavior and sudden hatred for her. She had tried desperately to hate Rhett for making her feel so vulnerable but she couldn't no matter how hard she tried. She shook away the thoughts of Rhett and the feeling of abandonment that creped up on her at any given moment of the day.

Glancing out the office door she saw that Ella was next in line and she put the ledgers away and tidied her desk before leaving. She stepped into the store just in time to see Mr. Riley settle Ella onto his knee. She moved closer to hear their conversation.

"Well what a pretty lass you are. Tell Saint Nicholas your name little one."

"Ella Lorena Kennedy," her daughter replied proudly.

"A pretty name for a pretty girl. Have you been a good girl this year Miss Kennedy?"

"Oh yes I've been as good as I could be."

Mr. Riley chuckled, "Well that's all that can be asked of a little girl is that she be as good as she can be. What would you like me to bring you for Christmas this year?"

Ella thought for a moment "I'd like a new doll and a new tea set and maybe some new dresses."

The old man waited for her to continue her list but she said nothing. "Is that all you want? Little girls like you usually have quite a bit more on their Christmas list than that."

"There are other things I want but only one is really important," she answered.

"I thought so," he laughed; "Go on and tell me what this special thing is that you want me to bring."

"I want you to bring Uncle Rhett home so mama won't be sad anymore."

Mr. Riley was at a loss for words for a moment as his heart broke a little for this child and her mother. Scarlett was rooted in her spot trying to swallow the lump that grown in her throat at Ella's words and willing herself not to cry.

"Sweetheart I'm afraid things like that may be out of my power."

"You can do it I know you can! You just have to Saint Nicholas. Please say you'll try. I want Mama to be happy again and maybe my brother Wade will be happy too if Uncle Rhett comes home."

Scarlett was biting the inside of her cheek now to hold in her emotions in and yet she couldn't make herself move to where Ella was and take her by the hand and lead her away putting an end to the despair and humiliation she felt.

"Honey I don't think there's anything I can do about your Uncle Rhett. I can't make him do something that he might not want to do," he explained as gently as he could.

"Please Saint Nicholas tell me you'll try! You don't have to bring me any presents if you'll at least try and bring Uncle Rhett home," she cried.

Mr. Riley sighed. He had never thought a problem like this would arise when he took this job. He didn't want to lie to Mrs. Butler's daughter but he didn't know what to say. He sought out the face of his employer and upon finding it he took in her pale face and stricken eyes. Silently with his own eyes he asked her for a solution to her little girl's impassioned plea. Slowly Scarlett nodded giving him permission to lie to her child. She hated to do it but saw no other way.

Mr. Riley focused his gaze back on Ella's green eyes. "I'll try Ella, but I can't promise you anything. There's no guarantee that your Uncle Rhett will come home but I'll try."

Ella beamed at him and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Saint Nicholas!"

He patted her back and sat her back on her feet, "Now remember I didn't promise he would be there."

"But you'll try," she replied as Scarlett finally stepped forward to grab her hand.

Scarlett whispered a quiet thank you to Mr. Riley who nodded at her as she quickly led Ella out of the store.

As they sat side by side in the carriage on the way home Ella beamed with happiness while Scarlett inwardly cursed herself and Rhett Butler for the situation she was in. The carol they had heard on the way to the store came to her mind. No there was defiantly no comfort or joy in the life of Katie Scarlett O'Hara Butler and it didn't look like there would be anytime soon.


	3. We Need A Little Christmas

Chapter 2 – We Need a Little Christmas

The next morning Scarlett awoke with new determination to make this holiday wonderful for Wade and Ella. She gave Pork orders to go out and get the most perfect Christmas tree he could find and bring it home immediately. She had ordered that once it was set up in the parlor the servants were to let it be. Scarlett would be decorating the tree herself along with Wade and Ella. Ella had been so enthusiastic about the project that she had wanted to stay home from school and wait on Pork to bring it home.

Scarlett laughed, "You must go to school Ella. I have to go to the store. The tree will still be here when we get home and finish dinner."

"Wade, are you going to help us?" Scarlett asked hopefully as she had seen a happy spark in his eyes at the mention of the tree.

He nodded and even gave her a hint of a smile which warmed her. Perhaps he was coming around after all she hoped. She smiled at him, "Good, we'll need you Wade."

After they finished their breakfast they moved to the entry way to put on their coats and gather their books. Scarlett shrugged into her own coat and picked up the paperwork she had finished late last night when Ella's visit to Saint Nicholas kept her awake.

"Wade would you like to ride with us in the carriage with today?" she asked.

"No, Mother; I'd rather walk."

"It's cold out," she told him softly.

"I'll be fine," he answered as he swung the door open and headed out into the brisk morning air.

When she had begun walking them to school and then accompanying them in the carriage in cool weather; Wade had balked at the idea. If they walked he either walked far ahead of her and Ella or far behind them. If they went in the carriage he insisted on walking. Scarlett didn't hound him about it. She had learned to pick her battles with her son. Once Ella was dropped off at school with a promise that the driver would deliver her to her mother at the end of the day, Scarlett went to work at the store.

* * *

As the clerks were readying the store for the day's business Scarlett approached Mr. Riley who was already seated in his appointed area near the window.

"Good morning, Mrs. Butler," he said merrily as she came near.

"Good morning Mr. Riley. I wanted to thank you for being so kind with Ella. I am sorry she put you in an awkward situation I had no idea she had taken it into her head to ask you for such a thing."

He shook his head, "No need to apologize Mrs. Butler. I'm just sorry that I couldn't think of a better way to handle the situation."

"Don't feel badly Mr. Riley I didn't know what to do about it either."

He nodded, "I hate to think of her being disappointed on Christmas morning."

"So do I," she answered, "But there's nothing either one of us can do about it." Despair settled upon her as she once again thought of her unanswered letter.

"Perhaps she'll get her wish Mrs. Butler. Tis the season for miracles they say," Mr. Riley told her as he tried to lighten her mood.

She laughed a little, "It would most likely take a miracle to get Rhett Butler home for Christmas."

His eyes twinkled at her making her heart ache for her father. It was odd how at ease she felt in Mr. Riley's presence. She didn't bother to hide the truth about her life from him, not that it would do any good anyway as she was sure everyone in Atlanta was well informed about her private life, but with Mr. Riley she felt as though he didn't judge her like the others did. That he had a certain amount of respect for her and that made Scarlett grateful. It wasn't easy to live in a town where you were virtually friendless.

Even Ashley was gone. Scarlett was still somewhat angry with him for taking Beau and moving to Boston to work for a friend of his he had served with in the war. It seemed wrong to her for Melanie's son to grow up among the Yankee's when they were the one's who made his first years so meager and perilous.

She remembered Ashley's words when he had told her they were leaving, "_I can't live here anymore Scarlett. I can't bear to live here surrounded by Melanie's memory and the memory of the world I was meant to live in that was taken from me. I need to start over somewhere new and try to put my life back together for Beau's sake"._

_"And to do that you have to go north and live with the same people who robbed you of the "world" you were meant for? You're being ridiculous Ashley. How could you take Beau away from his family? Do you really think that's what Melly would want?" _

_Ashley was quiet as he digested her angry words. "I think Melly would understand, Scarlett; and I'm hoping as one of my oldest and dearest friends you will also understand that this is what I need to do."_

_"Well I don't understand. Taking Beau off to some strange place where he knows no one. He should grow up here with Wade where his family is. Did you think of Aunt Pitty? She's already lost Charles and Melly and now you're taking Beau. She'll probably take to her bed for a month!" Scarlett raved although she wasn't really all that concerned about Aunt Pitty and her silly fainting spells. _

_"Aunt Pitty will be fine she has India with her and Wade to visit her. She'll adjust just as Beau will. He'll get a fine education in Boston."_

_"He can have a fine education in Atlanta," she shot back._

_"I promised Melly I'd look after him. How can I do that if he's at the other end of the country Ashley?" _

_"You have been looking after him Scarlett. If it hadn't been for you he wouldn't have had such a nice Christmas last month and you welcomed him into your home whenever he needed to escape from my grief and his own."_

_"Oh Ashley can't you at least stay in the south? Perhaps Virginia or South Carolina? At least you'd be closer to home."_

_Ashley shook his head, "No, Scarlett. I've already made up my mind. This is for the best. It's what I need. Maybe it will be good for you too."_

_Scarlett scoffed, "how can it be good for me? I won't have anyone now except the children. We'll be alone."_

_"Without my presence perhaps people can stop thinking the worst of you dear." _

_"I doubt that and besides I don't care what they think I'd rather know that I had at least one friend in this town."_

_"Don't worry Scarlett you and the children will be fine. You're a survivor, dear; you always have been and besides I'm sure your husband will return home soon."_

_"I can only hope your right". _

_"I will be, you'll see."_

But Ashley hadn't been right and true to his word he had packed up Beau and moved to Boston last February.

Mr. Riley's voice startled her from her thoughts. "You know, Mrs. Butler; I believe you're the only one who hasn't told me what you want for Christmas this year."

"Saint Nicholas can't give me what I want. I don't think anyone can," she told him as she turned to walk away leaving him staring after her with sadness for her in his eyes.

Scarlett shut herself in her office and thought of the things she wanted for Christmas. She wanted her husband. She wanted her son's love. She wanted both of her children to be happy. She wanted friends that would love and care about her. She held no hope for any of it. Scarlett hated the depression that had fallen over her with the coming of the holiday season.

"I must stop this," she told herself. "I'll never make it through this month if I keep thinking about things I can't change."

She forced herself to focus on the ledgers and giving orders to her employees to restock the shelves. When she ran out of orders to give, she started planning the decorations for the Peachtree Street mansion she called home. She wanted candles in the windows, fresh wreaths on the doors. The tree needed to be magnificent she decided. She wanted every type of beautiful shiny ornaments she could find. She was to pick up the four special ornaments she had the jeweler make for her today. They would need tinsel and red bows, candles and she'd even help Ella string some berries for on it like she had once done with her own mother.

Scarlett began to feel excited as she pictured her perfect tree in her mind. It would need something beautiful to top it off though. Immediately she thought of the elaborate gold filigree star that had came in a recent shipment of decorations. She would let Wade place it on top of the tree and let him know she thought of him as man of the house now. Perhaps then he would soften towards her. Wade worried her. Her son had turned into a troublemaker. Fighting, being sent home from school, his grades slipping she didn't know what to do. "Oh if only Rhett were here…No! Stop that," she demanded as her mind headed down that disastrous trail again.

Once again she forced her thoughts in a different direction this time planning the gifts she needed to buy. Before she knew it the day had passed and Ella was bounding into her office.

"Hello Mama," Ella exclaimed as she laid her books of Scarlett's desk.

"Hello darling, how was school?"

"It was alright."

"Where is your brother?" she asked; hating how she had to use her daughter as her source of information on her son.

"He went home."

Scarlett gave a sigh of relief at least he wasn't going to be in the company of his new troublesome friends today. Scarlett looked at the clock on the wall. "Lets go down to the jeweler I need to pick something up."

"We'll have to walk, Wade came in the carriage with me and he made Henry drop me off first," Ella answered as she played with the button on her coat.

Scarlett frowned walking the streets of Atlanta had become distasteful to her. She hated the looks and whispers that followed her. They were much easier to ignore when she was enclosed in the safety of her carriage. Slowly she stood and reached for her coat.

"I suppose a little fresh air will do us good," she replied as she steeled herself for the chill she would feel that would have nothing to do with the unusually cold weather of Atlanta.

* * *

Rhett Butler was making his way down the street from the train station. He walked slowly as if he were on his way to his execution. He had given in and decided that Christmas with Scarlett would be more interesting than being in Charleston. He decided to go on foot from the station in effort to prolong the time before his reunion with his wife. He had left his bags at the station just in case the sight of Atlanta and its bitter memories changed his mind. He could be back on a train and headed to parts unknown without Scarlett ever being aware that he had been in town. The idea appealed to him slightly. He brushed off the thought. He was here now and this is where he'd stay until the New Year even if it killed him in the process. That didn't mean that he had to hurry though. He had plenty of time he reasoned. He could check on business and then he could stop in at Belle's for a drink to brace himself for whatever his homecoming brought.

Something on the opposite side of the street caught his eye and turning his head, his gaze landed on the woman who had occupied his thoughts for the past thirteen years. He stopped and moved into a shadowed spot to observe her and Ella as they walked hand in hand down the street. He could see the people around them stare and whisper as they went by. If mother and daughter noticed, and he was sure they did, they pretended not to. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he watched them stride toward their destination backs straight, chins raised, both pairs of green eyes focused on some invisible point ahead and Scarlett's go to hell look mimicked to perfection on Ella's young face.

They looked as regal as a Queen and her Princess waiting for the peasants to bow before them or get out of their way. It seemed as though the citizens of Atlanta chose the latter as some of them actually went out of their way to step away from them. Suddenly Rhett felt offended on their behalf. There was no reason to act like Scarlett and Ella were carrying the plague. A tiny sliver of guilt nagged him once again as he realized he was partly to blame for their ostracism. He allowed his eyes to follow them until they disappeared into the jewelry store and then he moved out of his shadowed hiding place and continued on his way. Business could wait, he decided but a drink could not. He'd go to Belle's and then back to the train station to retrieve his bags and then go home and play along with whatever game Scarlett wanted to play.

* * *

As she promised after dinner that night Scarlett and the children took on the task of decorating the tree. She was surprised to find herself having fun doing such a simple task. The children's excitement seemed to rub off on her as they opened box after box of ornaments and concentrated diligently on finding the perfect spot for each one. Two hours later the tree glittered with shiny glass balls of red, green, silver, blue, and gold. Delicate angels and winter birds, small red bows on the branches along with the candles made it a beautiful sight and Scarlett smiled brightly as Wade climbed on the small ladder that Pork held to place the star on top of the tree. She saw his face shine with pride as he completed his task and she felt sure that she had finally put a crack in the wall that separated them. As they stood back to admire their work they heard the front door open and servants scurrying about.

"What on earth is going on?" Scarlett asked aloud.

"What's going on my pet is that I've surprised the household with my return," Rhett replied as he leaned in the door frame of the parlor.

Scarlett spun around at the sound of his voice. She couldn't believe that he was there in front of her, his usual smirk on his face not a dark hair out of place. Her heart sped up at the sight of him and she found it hard to breathe. Thankfully Wade and Ella had thrown their selves into his arms preventing her from having to speak. She just stood there dumbfounded watching him swing Ella up into the air telling her how beautiful she was and then telling Wade what a fine young man he was turning into.

Finally his voice broke her reverie "Aren't you going to greet your husband Mrs. Butler?" he asked as he came to stand in front of her.

"I can't believe you're here," she stammered.

"Did you really think I wouldn't come once I received your appealing invitation darling?" he replied as he brushed a light kiss across her cheek more for appearances sake she knew than because he wanted to.

"I'm glad you came Rhett."

"I suppose it's to be seen if I will feel the same way," he answered quietly.

She twisted her hands and looked away unsure of what to say. He touched her chin drawing her gaze back to his, "Perhaps it's best if we talk after the children are in bed."

Scarlett nodded as he moved away from her and back to Wade and Ella who were clamoring for his attention. It looked like Saint Nicholas had granted Ella's wish after all she said to herself as she watched them talk animatedly, she wondered if she'd ever be so lucky.


	4. My True Love Gave To Me

Authors Note: Thanks for all the kind reviews everyone! This is the first story I've posted and having such nice reviews gave me a little confidence boost.

Chapter 3 – My True Love Gave To Me

After she had kissed Ella and wished Wade goodnight Scarlett retreated to the parlor to wait for Rhett. The lamps had been turned down and the candles lit on the tree and in the windows. The flames in the fire place snapped and crackled and she couldn't help but feel proud of the work she and the children had done. The room was beautiful and could have been the perfect romantic setting in which to welcome her husband home but Scarlett knew that wasn't going to be the case. "But only if it could be that way," she thought to herself.

"I've got to hand it to you Scarlett you did a fine job," Rhett told her as he entered the room.

"Thank you," she replied softly suddenly feeling unsure of herself. She found herself feeling awkward in Rhett's presence for the first time in all the years she had known him. "For god's sake it's just Rhett stop being foolish," she scolded herself but the feeling persisted.

She watched quietly as he sauntered across the room towards the liquor cabinet where a crystal decanter of brandy and two glasses sat on its top. It amazed her how unaffected he seemed by his return home. He acted as though he had only been gone a few hours instead of fourteen months.

"Have a drink with me pet? He asked while he poured his own.

"No thank you."

He glanced at her with a skeptical glint in his eye."Come now Scarlett you may as well have a drink with me, we both know that if you don't you'll end up drinking by yourself later and you know what I told you about that."

She bit her tongue to hold back a sharp response. Fighting with him would do none of them any good.

"I don't drink anymore Rhett."

He laughed as he turned and walked towards one of the red velvet plush chairs facing the fire and sat down.

"And when did you jump on the temperance band wagon my dear? You were still drinking last time I saw you."

Scarlett frowned at him, her eyes clouding over with untold secrets. She couldn't tell him that she had stopped drinking because of the night Wade had found her slumped over the dining room table with an empty decanter in front of her that had been full when she started. Shame still overwhelmed her as she remembered clinging to her twelve year old son as she sobbed. The way he had looked at her as she swayed on her feet as they climbed the stairs together would haunt her for the rest of her life. Rhett was giving her a puzzled look as he waited for her answer.

"It's been several months since I quit," she answered finally as she sat down in the chair beside him. He sipped his drink and looked around the room giving her the impression that he was unsure of how to begin their dreaded conversation.

"Good," she thought; "Let him be uncomfortable for a change."

His expression changed and he turned his head in her direction. "What game are you trying to play Scarlett?" he asked with more harshness than he intended.

His words stung her and her eyes widened in surprise.

"What do you mean?" she asked her defenses rising.

"Your letter my dear."

"I'm not playing any games with you Rhett!" she cried; "I meant every word I said."

He studied her for a moment looking for any sign that she was lying and finding none continued on.

"So let's make sure I understand this little deal of yours Scarlett. If I stay here through New Years you're going to sign the papers and make me a free man is that right?"

"Yes, if that's what you still want."

"Is it what you want Scarlett?"

"No of course not," she replied.

"Then why are you offering it to me?"

"Because it's what you want."

"What makes you think that?" he asked not quite sure what to make of Scarlett being so mature and honest. He had expected tears and tricks of a southern belle but so far had found now.

"God's nightgown Rhett! You sent me the damn papers what am I supposed to think?" she answered heatedly.

Now she was being his Scarlett. He saw the fire spark in her eyes and it made his heart skip a beat much to his dismay.

"You don't want a divorce but you're offering me one in exchange for a family holiday out of the goodness of your heart is that what you're saying?"

"Yes," she replied.

He smirked as he took a cigar and a match from his pocket and lit it.

"That's very generous of you my pet."

"I thought it was," she answered as she traced her fingers over the striped pattern of her skirt.

Rhett's laughter filled the room."We can call it the emancipation of Rhett Butler."

"It's good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor Rhett," Scarlett told him as she glared at him.

"Yes, I'm afraid that although I've lost many things in life my humor always remains intact."

A small smile spread across her face as the unease she had felt began to melt away.

"Ah, so you do remember how to smile," he told her his voice softening.

"I don't have a lot to smile about lately."

"I believe it's safe to say that none of us have had much reason to smile."

Scarlett nodded in agreement and went silent waiting on him to get back to the terms of their deal. As he exhaled his gray smoke into the dim room he picked up the conversation.

"Am I to understand from your letter that I am not to receive the 'Ashley Wilkes' treatment of vase throwing declarations of love and being followed around by a love sick puppy?"

Scarlett scowled at him. "Yes Rhett I aim to keep my word. I won't throw myself at you or make any unwanted declarations."

He nodded as he focused his gaze on hers. "And what if in the course of our happy family holiday I want you to throw yourself at me what then?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Scarlett blushed and lowered her eyes for a moment before locking them back on his.

"I suppose it would be up to you about what would happen if that situation arose. The deal I made you stated that _I_ wouldn't initiate any advances that were unwanted."

"You're a shrewd business woman Mrs. Butler," he replied his dark eyes gleaming merrily in the firelight.

"I made you a promise Rhett and I'll do my best to keep it for Wade and Ella's sake. I won't bother you. You won't even know I'm here."

"I don't think you need to go that far Scarlett. I'm sure we can find a way to co-exist for this short amount of time. There was a time when we were good friends and despite it all I would hope that we could at least retain some measure of that relationship while I'm here."

"I would like that," she replied.

"So would I. I know you won't believe me Scarlett but there have been times over the past year when I have missed your company."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You must not have missed me to much you stayed away long enough."

"I suppose I owe you an apology for not keeping my word to you my pet. I know it was wrong of me."

His words washed over her and she searched them for any hint of mocking but found none.

"It's alright Rhett I understand. After all it isn't the first time you broke your word to me."

He looked at her in surprise. "What other time are you referring to Scarlett?"

"When you said marriage would be fun. To be honest Rhett I haven't been having much fun these last few years like you told me I would."

A small laugh escaped his lips, "If it's any consolation I haven't had much fun myself."

"I suppose that does help a little," she replied as she picked up a black leather case from the stand next to her chair.

Rhett was surprised with Scarlett's new attitude. It seemed to him that in his absence she had finally grown up. He watched as she opened the case and examined its contents.

"What do you have there?" he asked curiously

"Some ornaments I had made."

"Why weren't they put on the tree with the others?"

"I wanted to do these ones myself. They are somewhat special to me."

"What is so special about these particular ornaments? Did having them made put a significant dent in my bank account?" he asked.

"I paid for them with my own money," she told him as she lifted a gold star from the silk lined box and handed it to him.

Upon examining it he found that first star was engraved with the name Wade and under it was written, January 12, 1862 with the garnet birthstone of January beneath the date. The next gold star said Ella, October 9, 1866 with the pink tourmaline birthstone.

She hesitated briefly as she handed him a delicate gold angel engraved with the name Bonnie and her date of birth April 5, 1869 with a small diamond next to it. Also written on the angel was the date of her death June 14, 1873. His chest tightened as he held tightly to the ornament feeling the familiar sting of her loss.

He was confused when Scarlett lifted a second angel from the box and handed it to him. It had no dates and no birthstone it was engraved simply as Baby. He looked at Scarlett and saw the tears welling in her eyes.

"It didn't seem right to leave the baby out," she whispered.

Rhett nodded, "You're right the baby should be represented with the rest of our children."

He handed her back the ornaments and watched as she wiped a tear away as she hung them on the tree.

"They are lovely Scarlett," he said gruffly over come with emotion.

"Can we talk more tomorrow Rhett? I'm tired and I'd like to go to bed."

"Yes; that's fine. I'm tired myself," he stated as he rose from his chair and stepped toward her.

"Sweet dreams my pet," he told her as he lightly kissed her cheek.

"Goodnight," she whispered as she crossed the room to the door. She hadn't had sweet dreams in so long that she probably wouldn't know one if it jumped up and bit her but perhaps she thought with Rhett being back in the house her nightmares would be kept at bay.


	5. Do You See What I See

Chapter 4 – Do you see what I see?

As Rhett lay awake that night in his old familiar room he found himself puzzled in regard to his wife. He had always boasted that he knew her better than she knew herself but suddenly he was unsure if it still held true. In some ways she was as predictable as ever, for instance he knew without being told that she had fled the parlor for the safety of her room so that she could cry privately. Scarlett had never been one to show a moment of weakness if it could be helped. He could also easily see that in trying to do something unselfish not only for her children but him as well had led her to put a significant amount of pressure on herself leading her to feel awkward in his presence. He didn't want her to feel that way and hoped that once she got used to him being home that it would go away. On the other hand Rhett felt that in some ways he couldn't read her like a book anymore. When he had looked into the depths of her green eyes he saw scars and secrets that hadn't been there before and he had no idea how they came to be and that fact bothered him.

What exactly had been going on in her life this past year? He had never thought to wonder about it before but he did so now. Had it really been that hard on her? Rhett had figured that she would overcome his leaving as she had done everything else in her life but the strain was evident in her pale face and thin frame. He had of course seen her that way after the war but back then there had still been fire in her eyes and tonight he saw none. Was it possible for a person to change so much in that amount of time? After all he was still essentially the same man he always had been, a little older but not much wiser he mused but of course he had spent his time largely unscathed unlike Scarlett who had to deal with Atlanta's old guard. Charleston had its rigid society but they had gracefully welcomed him back. He had his family his friends and whenever he got bored he had places to go, but in abandoning Scarlett who had she had to turn to? Had she gone to Tara and licked her wounds or had she simply allowed the current of life to sweep her along in hopes she would land on the right shore? So much had seemed to change he thought to himself.

When she announced that she no longer drank Rhett had been surprised to say the least. If she was telling the truth than he was proud of her for it, it was certainly something that he hadn't been able to do although he had cut back a great deal once he worked through his grief for Bonnie. He could tell from the way she had acted that there was something she was keeping from him, something that had led her to quit drinking suddenly that she wanted no one to know. Had she been caught? He wondered and if she had who had it been that scared her enough to stop? It was a mystery he intended to solve before the New Year. His curiosity wasn't what was keeping him awake tonight however and he hated to admit that the reason was her persistent promise to let him alone. At one time that had been all that he craved, his freedom and peace and now that it was within his grasp he wasn't sure he wanted it any longer. A bitter sigh escaped him as he realized he was more like Scarlett than he cared to be. A certain level of self-loathing was rising in his mind as he found him self bothered by the fact that she wasn't going to chase him.

Wasn't he worthy of the devotion she had shown in her quest of Ashley? He asked himself. "Good god have I really sunk so low?" he said aloud into the darkness wondering what on earth had gotten in to him that made him want her to chase him and beg for his love. He shook away those troubled thoughts and turned them towards the children.

The time he had spent with them before they went to bed that night had brought several things to his attention. Wade was quickly becoming a young man, a young man it seemed that carried as many scars as his mother. Wade had seen and been through more than any twelve year old boy should have to. Wade had reacted to his presence the way he always had asking about the places Rhett had been and what he had seen and in return sharing details about his own life but Rhett had sensed that the boy was holding something back, as though there were things he didn't want his step father to know. "Does everyone in this house have a secret?" he wondered.

What puzzled Rhett was the way he acted around his mother. There appeared to be a wall between them that Scarlett seemed to be trying to scale without much success. The flash of pain in her eyes was hard to miss as Wade rebuffed any effort she made to speak to him that night. He suddenly recalled in vivid detail of the moment when Scarlett had told him goodnight and reached out to touch his arm. Wade had purposely stepped away from her touch and went past her as if she hadn't spoken. Something wasn't right between them. It was no secret that Scarlett hadn't been the best mother but her eldest child had always shown love and respect for her until now. What had changed? He'd have to talk to Scarlett in the morning and find out what the problem was between mother and son.

Ella on the other hand seemed to accept her mother's affection without question and Rhett noticed improvement in her. It looked as though Scarlett's attention had settled the flightiness of the girl without curbing her spirit. A smile came to his lips as he recalled how fine Ella's manners were and how she had sat properly in her chair next to her mother. Scarlett was obviously training her to be the lady her mother had wanted her to be. He was happy to see that Ella seemed to be exceeding. It all seemed so sudden this new found interest Scarlett had in her children. Was it a show for his benefit? He hoped to god not but doubt lingered. Was she staging some elaborate act that he was falling for without even realizing it? It was hard to tell with her, she could be lying or she could actually be trying to change and become the woman he had always wanted her to be. He didn't know which scenario he feared more. He turned over in his bed and pushed all thoughts out of his mind allowing sleep to finally claim him.

The next morning he hurried downstairs to catch Scarlett before she went to her store. She was by the door ready to go as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Scarlett can we talk before you go."

"I was going to take Ella to school in the carriage Rhett, can it wait until later?"

"I'd rather talk now, Wade can go in the carriage with her and have it sent back for you."

"But I was going to walk to school Uncle Rhett!" Wade protested.

Rhett shook his head; "You go on with your sister this time. Do it as a favor to me."

Wade hesitated for a moment, "Alright Uncle Rhett."

"Thank you Wade. Have a good day at school."

"We can only hope," he heard Scarlett mutter as the children went out the door.

"We can only hope for what my dear? He asked as he took her arm and led her to the library.

"That Wade has a good day at school," she replied.

"Wade is what I wanted to talk to you about Scarlett. What's going on between the two of you?"

"He hates me," she answered regret evident in her voice.

"Why do you say that?"

"He told me so."

"I'm sure he doesn't mean it," he answered hoping to ease her hurt feelings.

"Oh he means it, I'm sure of that. He can't even stand the sight of me sometimes," she told him with anguish written plainly on her face.

"It's probably just a phase Scarlett. All boys go through it. Give him some time and he'll come around."

"I'm not so sure about that. It isn't only at home he's having a problem. It's stretched into school too."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he's been in a lot of trouble this year Rhett. He fights with the other boys, he back talks his teachers, he used to be a perfect student and now he's barely passing! I don't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't care if I punish him. He doesn't seem to care about anything," she cried barely taking a breath between words.

"Calm down Scarlett. I'm sure this will all pass. He's just growing up try not to worry so much and give him some space perhaps he'll settle down then."

"I don't know. It seems like it's more than just a phase. He seems so angry inside and I don't seem to be able to get through to him."

"That may be true but it might be something that he has to work through on his own without you. He's been through a lot and he has every right to feel angry over it just as you do."

"I don't want to see him get in trouble though Rhett. I'm afraid he's going to get hurt or ruin his chances of having a good future."

She looked so upset by the prospect that he couldn't keep himself from pulling her into his embrace no matter how much his brain protested.

"Try not to worry too much," he told her as he patted her back soothingly. "I'll keep an eye on him try to find out whats going on in his head."

"Would you really Rhett?" she asked as she lifted her head from his shoulder.

He nodded; "Of course. You know I think of Wade as my son Scarlett, I don't want to see him throwing away his future any more than you do but I doubt it's that serious. We'll just watch him for now and I'll have a talk with him when I feel the time is right. Does that ease your mind?" he asked as he released her from his arms.

"Yes that does make me feel better. Thank you."

"Your welcome. Can you do me a favor?"

"I will if I can, what is it?" she asked

"Be yourself around me like you used to. I have to admit that you acting uptight like you were last night bothered me, Scarlett. I wasn't sure I was in the right house."

She laughed. "I'm sorry; you just caught me off guard last night. I thought you'd wire me and tell me you were coming."

"But that would have ruined the element of surprise darling and I know how much you like surprises," he replied his old wicked grin coming to his face making her heart race.

"I'll do better. I really do want us all to enjoy this Christmas, Rhett."

"I know Scarlett and I promise you we will find a way to make it happen," he told her as he walked away from her leaving her with a sense of hope that maybe all wasn't lost after all.

Authors Note: Thanks again to all my reviewers!


	6. What Child Is This

Authors Note: Again thanks for the reviews! They made a long hard day better! To BlaqueCat13, I don't mind your corrections at all; in fact it helped me catch myself a few times while writing this chapter. This chapter is a bit longer than the others but once I got started I couldn't stop, I tried splitting it up but didn't like the feel of it. Hope you guys don't mind.

Chapter 5 – What Child Is This

December 14, 1874

The following days had passed smoothly with much contentment for the Butler household. It was a cheerful Scarlett who was standing behind the counter at Kennedy's Emporium marking down a payment a customer had made in the book. She glanced up just in time to see Maybelle Picard striding purposefully through the door. Scarlett groaned inwardly, so much for being happy. Maybelle marched toward the counter and stood before Scarlett.

"What can I do for you today Maybelle?" she asked in a voice dripping with sarcastic sweetness.

"Don't you play games with me Scarlett Butler! You know very well why I'm here."

"I do?" Scarlett asked feigning surprise.

"You told me the jacket you ordered would be in today. You know, to replace the one your son ruined when he attacked my boy."

"I think you're exaggerating Maybelle, from what I heard your son is no more innocent than mine in the matter."

Maybelle glared at her, "Is the jacket here or not?"

Scarlett smiled, "Yes of course it is; my business prides itself on having its merchandise on time. I'll get it for you." She reached beneath the counter and retrieved the brown wrapped package and slid it across the counter.

"Don't forget you're the one paying for it," Maybelle snapped.

"How could I forget when you've been reminding me of it everyday for the last two weeks?"

She gave Scarlett a harsh look, "You keep your little scoundrel away from my son Scarlett!"

"Perhaps you should teach your ape like hellion to keep his mouth shut and then he won't have to worry about being punched in it," Scarlett replied her green eyes blazing with anger.

"It's a shame that Charles Hamilton's son is going to grow up to be as trashy as his mother."

Scarlett clinched her fists just as Rhett stepped behind the counter seemingly out of thin air. Every person in the store had turned their attention to the scene at the counter.

"I'll thank you Mrs. Picard not to ever refer to my wife or any member of my family as trash again."

Maybelle's eyes widened in surprise at seeing Rhett at Scarlett's side.

"You got what you came here for and now it's time for you to leave and I suggest you do so quietly or I will have you escorted out and I'm sure that would give _your_ illustrious mother heart palpitations for a week."

Maybelle gave one last hateful look as she snatched the package off the counter and retreated for the door. Scarlett was still in a state of shock to see Rhett not only beside her but defending her publically as well.

Rhett grinned at the other customers whose eyes were still glued to the counter. "Some people just can't handle the stress of holiday shopping," he joked breaking the tension in the room as the patrons laughed and returned to their business. He turned to Scarlett who was still surprised that he was there.

"Scarlett you're looking at me as though you've never seen me before in your life."

His voice seemed to shake the puzzled look from her face and pulled her from her thoughts.

"How long have you been here Rhett?"

"I came in right behind Mrs. Picard. I take it Wade and Raoul had words," he stated casually.

"More like Raoul had words and Wade punched him for them."

Rhett's eyes lit up with humor, "I'll be damned the boy has some gumption after all," he laughed.

"It's not funny!" Scarlett cried as she began to straighten items on the counter.

"Of course it is, we're talking about Wade here, a child who was once afraid of his own shadow and who is now out punching future members of high society," he replied pride obvious in his face.

"I'm glad you can laugh about it, I surely can't."

"I suppose there is more of you in Wade than we thought my dear, after all you've been known to have some violent tendencies of your own."

Scarlett frowned at him as she finished her task. When she didn't respond Rhett found himself confused and despite of it couldn't stop himself from goading her.

"Aren't you going to slap my face and tell me you hate me to prove my point?" he asked teasingly.

"No," she answered.

"Come now Scarlett, you're not being much fun. If I wanted boredom I could have went elsewhere for the holidays."

Scarlett raised her gaze away from the items on the counter to answer but instead caught sight of the school's messenger outside the window.

"Not again," she whispered with dread.

"What's wrong Scarlett?" he asked concern evident in his tone.

"It doesn't look like you have to worry about boredom Rhett, the school messenger is coming through the door."

Rhett turned to face the front of the store and observed the man hurrying towards them.

"Mrs. Butler, Mr. Pembroke requests to see you immediately," the messenger blurted out quickly.

"I figured as much," she answered curtly as tension crept up her neck again. "Is it Wade again?"

"Yes Mrs. Butler."

Scarlett sighed deeply, "I'll be there right away." She turned from the counter and entered her office to put on her gloves and bonnet.

"How many times have you had to visit the school about Wade?" Rhett stated as he watched her tug on her gloves with irritation.

"I've lost count of how many times I've been called to the school about him."

"It's hard to believe that Wade is a troublemaker in school."

"Well he is most defiantly a trouble maker now. I can't stand it anymore I hate this and I hate not knowing what to do about it."

Rhett nodded, "We'll get him straightened out Scarlett, I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she told him as they exited the store.

Rhett waved away her words and helped her into the carriage before climbing in behind her. "Nonsense I want to find out what's going on."

She nodded and remained quiet as they headed towards the school. Upon arrival they entered the sedate looking brick building and were ushered toward Mr. Pembroke's office. Sitting outside the door was Wade looking as though he hadn't a care in the world. She shot him a disapproving look and he smirked at her and looked away reminding her of all the times Rhett had given her a similar look. Standing nearby was a member of the faculty keeping watch over him.

"Mr. Pembroke must've learned his lesson," Scarlett thought to herself as she recalled how Wade had run off before she had gotten there the last time. Mr. Pembroke stood as she entered the room. He seemed surprised to see Rhett following behind her.

"This is my husband Mr. Pembroke," she stated briskly wanting to just find out what Wade had done and leave.

She hated these meetings, hated how they all looked at her as if she was the worst parent on the face of the earth. The thought of it brought up the old hurt of Rhett telling her she was a bad mother and she felt the sting of it over and over. She sat down in the hard chair and steeled herself for whatever was coming. Rhett shook hands with Mr. Pembroke and quickly took charge.

"What seems to be the problem here today?"

"For starters Mr. Hamilton decided not to return to class after lunch break and when he and another boy were found they were smoking cigars on school property."

Scarlett gasped, "Smoking!" she exclaimed.

"Yes."

"Who brought the cigars to school?" Rhett asked.

"It has come to light that Mr. Hamilton was the culprit."

"How can you be sure? Perhaps it was the other boy trying to save face by blaming Wade," Rhett stated as he moved to stand behind Scarlett placing a hand on her shoulder.

"We talked to a few other boys who had been invited to join in by Mr. Hamilton but did not have the nerve to do so and they all said that he had shown them the cigars he had brought to school with him this morning. Also when questioned Mr. Hamilton admitted bringing them with him."

Rhett nodded, "I see."

"Mrs. Butler I have to tell you that if there is one more incident involving your son I'm going to have no other choice but to expel him."

"Oh, Mr. Pembroke isn't there some way to avoid that?" Scarlett cried.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Butler but I've been more than lenient with your son. I'll give him one more chance to straighten out but if his behavior continues as it has been this year than I really have no other choice."

"I don't know what to say Mr. Pembroke I've tried getting through to Wade, he's always been such a good student and I want very much for him to finish his education and go on to the University like his father did."

"I want to see Wade excel also Mrs. Butler and it is troubling to see him headed down this path but something must be done about him now if there is any hope of him continuing here. If he comes back after Christmas break still behaving this way our next meeting will be to discuss his expulsion and I certainly hope it doesn't come to that but you must understand that I can't have Mr. Hamilton creating all of these disruptions all the time. It isn't fair to the other students and to the teachers trying to teach him."

Scarlett lowered her head, "I am sorry for my son's behavior Mr. Pembroke."

"I know that Mrs. Butler and I hope you can find a way to reach him."

Scarlett remained silent. "We'll take care of him Mr. Pembroke," Rhett replied.

"Maybe he'll listen to you Mr. Butler."

Scarlett bristled at the remark. "Of course," she thought bitterly. "Rhett's still the patron saint of children in the eyes of this town and I'm nothing but a villain."

Rhett squeezed her shoulder lightly as he felt her tense at Mr. Pembroke's words.

"Is that all for today?" he asked.

Mr. Pembroke nodded, "Yes and you can take your son with you. I think it would be best if he didn't come back until after Christmas break, perhaps that will give him a chance to get this out of his system."

"Thank you Mr. Pembroke," Scarlett stated quietly as Rhett's hand moved to her elbow to help her stand.

"Good day Mrs. Butler."

Scarlett was feeling a hot rage grow within her towards her son for doing this to her yet again and now being on the brink of expulsion. She was ashamed of him and she was going to let him know it she thought to herself just as Rhett lowered his head and whispered in her ear.

"Let me handle him Scarlett, I have an idea and I can guarantee you he'll never smoke again once I'm done with him."

Tears sprung to her eyes and she bit them back. She didn't have much choice but to let Rhett try. God knows nothing she was doing was working.

"Alright," she whispered.

"You have to trust me Scarlett."

"I do Rhett."

"Alright then let's go collect our little delinquent."

Scarlett smiled at him a little despite herself, "More like a devil then a delinquent," she replied.

He laughed and then opened the door for her. She stepped through the door and went to stand in front of Wade.

"I'm disappointed in you Wade," she said softly. The boy looked at her and shrugged.

"Let's go Wade," Rhett told him. He rose from his chair and followed them outside and into the carriage.

"I can't believe you Wade, what were you thinking bringing cigars to school and smoking! You're not old enough to smoke and you're not going to!" Scarlett exclaimed as the carriage pulled away from the school.

"I'll do what I want you can't stop me mother," he answered.

"You might like to think that Wade Hampton…"

"Scarlett," Rhett interrupted. At Rhett's look she closed her mouth and turned her gaze away from her son.

* * *

After dinner that night Scarlett retreated to her bedroom and slammed the door as Rhett led Wade into the library. Rhett closed the door and motioned for Wade to sit down in one of the black leather chairs. He had told Scarlett a few days ago that he would have a serious talk with Wade but now didn't seem to be the time for it. Now seemed to be the time for him to learn something the hard way.

"Are you going to punish me Uncle Rhett?" Wade asked.

Rhett smiled at the boy and kept his expression void of censure as he put his plan into motion.

"Of course not Wade, how can I punish you for becoming a man? You are a man now aren't you?"

The boy straightened and pride exuded from his face, "Yes I am."

Rhett walked over to the desk and opened a drawer and removed two cigars and his matches. Returning to his step son he took a seat next to him. He handed Wade one of the cigars and a match and then lit his own. Wade looked at him puzzled.

"A true gentleman knows how to handle a cigar properly. Light it up and show me how you do it. If you're going to smoke I want you to do it correctly," Rhett told him as he laughed inwardly at the situation.

"But what about Mother?" he asked.

Rhett laughed, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. You have to understand Wade that women are funny about things like men smoking and drinking especially when the man in question is their son."

Wade nodded and struck his match and lit his cigar. Rhett watched him in amusement as he took light puffs barely taking anything in.

"Oh no that's all wrong," he told his step-son.

"It is?"

"Yes, you need to inhale more deeply son so that you get the full flavor."

Just as he hoped Wade took his advice and then began coughing.

"That's it your getting it now, don't worry about the coughing it'll go away once you get used to it."

They sat in relative silence smoking their cigars as Rhett watched Wade's face begin to turn green.

"I think I'm finished Uncle Rhett," Wade told him holding the cigar away from him.

Rhett shook his head, "You're only half way through it. A real man finishes it."

Wade sighed and returned to smoking growing greener all the time. When he saw that his step son was about to be sick he jerked the cigar from his hand and hurried across the room to grab the wastebasket and pushed it in front of Wade just as his stomach lurched and emptied itself.

Rhett handed him his handkerchief to wipe his mouth and patted his back, "I guess you're not the man you thought you were Wade."

Wade kept his eyes on the ground.

"Are you going to smoke again?"

"No," Wade answered hoarsely.

"Good and let me tell you something else Wade Hampton. You're going to quit causing trouble in school and get your grades back up or you won't have to worry about what your mother will do to you, you'll have to answer to me and you'll find that even more distasteful than your mother's tactics. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," Wade uttered miserably.

"Good now go get yourself cleaned up and go to bed." Wade trudged slowly out of the room and down the hall with his head lowered in defeat.

* * *

Once Rhett was sure Wade was in his room for the night he made his way to Scarlett's door.

"Scarlett," he said quietly as he knocked on her door.

"Come in," she answered her voice laced with tension and frustration.

He turned the smooth glass doorknob and entered the room. His eyes found her immediately seated at her ornate vanity brushing her hair with unnecessary force. The light from the lamp flashed against the motion of the shiny silver backed hairbrush that he had given her on their honeymoon. He was captivated by the sight of her in her green silk wrapper and her long black hair falling loosely down her back. His eyes were drawn to the mirror where her gaze was focused upon him instead of the brush she was pulling roughly through her hair. She seemed to be waiting for him to speak so he shook away the spell that had fallen over him.

"I've taken care of Wade's newly found smoking habit, my dear."

"How did you manage it?" she asked as she struggled with an unruly tangle at the back of her hair. She glanced at his image in the mirror and saw amusement spark in his eyes.

"Before I tell you how I accomplished such a feat you must promise me that you won't get angry my pet and throw that very expensive hairbrush at me."

Scarlett sighed, "I promise now just tell me."

"Always the impatient one aren't you Scarlett," he replied as he crossed the room to where she sat and took the brush from her hands.

"I'll take this just in case you change your mind about being angry. I'm sure your hair will thank me for it, the way your going at it your likely to be bald before the night is over."

Scarlett dropped her hands onto the smooth surface of he vanity and said nothing. She closed her eyes as Rhett began to brush her hair gently taking only a few quick careful strokes to dislodge the tangle that she had been wrestling with. It reminded her of the early days of their marriage when he had performed this same task. She was ready to lose herself in those memories and the feeling of his fingers in her hair when his voice broke through her thoughts.

"I cured Wade's habit by allowing him to smoke a particularly strong cigar until it made him sick."

Scarlett's eyes widened in surprise, "How could you Rhett!" she exclaimed.

"Now Scarlett don't get excited he'll be fine. You know I'd never do anything to hurt him or Ella."

On the tip of Scarlett's tongue were the words, "But you don't mind hurting me," but she swallowed them knowing that no good would come from them.

"I know Rhett but wasn't there some other way?"

"My dear, I know this will be hard for you to believe but once upon a time I was a boy that age myself and I can tell you from my vast knowledge as a hell raiser that sometimes the only way you learn a valuable lesson at that age is to do so from having a bad experience as a reference and believe me Wade has had an experience he won't soon forget."

A smile spread across her lips as she thought of Rhett as a young boy and then thought of her own son learning his lesson.

"I suppose you would know best in this matter."

Rhett laughed, "I always know best my pet you should know that by now."

Scarlett smiled as a comfortable silence fell between them as Rhett continued to brush her hair. "Thank you Rhett," she told him softly.

"For what?"

"For taking care of this problem with Wade. I wouldn't have known how to handle it."

"You don't need to thank me Scarlett. Sometimes a boy just needs the guidance that a mother can't provide."

"He used to be such a sweet docile little boy," she said wistfully.

Rhett roared with laughter, "Surely you didn't expect him to stay a little boy forever did you?"

"Of course not," she answered a hint of offense in her voice. "I just figured he'd grown up to be like Charles."

His laughter once again filled her room as he sat down her brush and went to pull a chair over next to the vanity. His laughter wasn't the mocking kind that he usually favored her with and she felt at ease as he sat in the chair facing her.

"You mean it never occurred to you that he may grow up to act like you?"

"No, of course not."

"Why not?"

"Well he's a boy, boys don't grown up and act like their mothers they act like their fathers," she explained watching the humor grow in his dark eyes.

"So that would mean girls must act like their mothers."

"Yes."

"Then why do you act like your father my dear instead of your sainted mother?"

"That's different," Scarlett answered.

"How do you figure?"

"I'm Irish," she replied simply.

Rhett threw his head back and laughed which in turn sent Scarlett into a fit of giggles.

"Being Irish is the exception to the rule is that what you're saying?" he asked when he had caught his breath.

"Yes."

"Well then there's your answer, darling."

"My answer to what?" she asked as she tried to control her own laughter.

"The answer to why your son doesn't act like his father. Wade is part Irish; he's an exception to the rule."

"I'm in serious trouble then aren't I?"

"Most likely. I know I've always found his mother to be trouble," he told her with a wicked grin.

"Like you're not trouble Rhett Butler," she replied.

"How can I be trouble when I'm not Irish," he answered as he watched her green eyes sparkle from their banter.

"You don't have to be Irish to be trouble."

"Oh no, well then my dear why don't you tell me the qualifications for being trouble since your so well versed in them."

Scarlett pretended to give the matter thought for a moment. "There are several ways to be classified as being trouble without being Irish. One way is to be a cad."

He gave her a mock salute, "I guess that's one mark against me."

She laughed, "I'm not finished yet."

Rhett leaned back in the chair and made himself comfortable, "Go on then and continue enlightening me my dear, forgive this troublesome cad for interrupting you."

"A sure sign of someone being trouble is if their last name is Butler."

His rich hearty laughter surrounded her once more and she loved the sound of it. She couldn't remember the last time they had laughed together like this. It felt good and she wished it would never have to end.

"Well then I suppose we are both doubly marked for being trouble. Mrs. Butler the Irish and Mr. Butler the cad if that isn't enough to make people tremble with fear nothing is."

"Don't forget Wade," Scarlett added.

"Oh yes we can't forget the children, one day they may surpass us as troublemakers. Wade is already well on his way."

"I know Wade is but Ella's not like that. She hasn't given me any trouble."

"Don't count her out yet Scarlett; she'll be trouble before you know it."

Scarlett looked at him startled, "Why do you say that Rhett?"

"Well according to our conversation this evening in which you explained to me that girl's are supposed to be like their mothers I'd figure it would be obvious. You are trouble so Ella will be too and to top it off she's also part Irish," he told her as he tried to be serious.

"God's nightgown what will I do if she turns bad too!"

Rhett shrugged, "I suppose if it gets to be too much for you I can always have you institutionalized."

Scarlett shot him a playful glare, "You'd like that wouldn't you."

"We all have our fantasies darling."

"I don't think I like that one."

"Would you like me to tell you about the others?" he asked raising an eyebrow suggestively.

She smiled coyly thinking to herself that she'd rather have him act on them than tell her about them but she knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Maybe some other time."

He winked at her, "Let me know whenever your curiosity gets the best of you."

She blushed and looked away but a small smile remained on her lips. Rhett decided it was time to return to safer ground and turned the conversation back to Ella.

"Perhaps it won't be Ella that troubles you as much as her suitors will."

"Suitors! She's just a little girl Rhett. That's a long time off and what makes you think they'll be troubling."

"Scarlett I really do think that somewhere inside that pretty head of yours you don't comprehend that your children are growing up. Ella's eight years old, if you think those years flew by wait till you see how the next eight goes and she's sixteen and running off to her own picnics and balls like you did."

"I just can't imagine Ella being that old right now. I don't think I want to either. I just want her to be my little girl for awhile."

"Don't worry Scarlett it's not going to happen overnight but one day it will and I imagine she'll have a number of young men wanting her company. That's what I think will trouble you, you'll be afraid she'll make the mistakes you made."

Scarlett frowned, "I don't want to talk about that."

"No; I suppose you don't."

"I bet Ella will be very beautiful at sixteen," Scarlett stated wanting to stay out of dangerous territory and enjoy these moments with Rhett.

"Yes I'm sure she will be. She's already turning into a beauty," he replied.

"She has grown to be quite pretty hasn't she?"

"Yes she has. I never realized before how much she looks like you."

"Do you really think so?"

Rhett nodded as he studied Scarlett's face. "She has your eyes, the same shape and the same shade of green. Her face is shaped like yours and her smile has Scarlett O'Hara written all over it."

"I guess with the exception of her eye color I never really saw a resemblance between us. I always though she favored Frank."

Rhett shook his head, "When she was a baby she did but now that she's older she's all you my pet. The only trace of Frank Kennedy in her is her red hair and now that it's darkened some you can't see him much in that either."

"I see my mother in her sometimes," Scarlett whispered.

"How so?" he asked as he saw tears form in her eyes.

"The way she loves and forgives. I know she's only eight but I think she'll always be kind and loving like Mother was. I just wish I could've been that way." She lowered her head and bit her lip to keep her tears at bay.

"You can't spend your whole life wishing to be like your mother Scarlett, you are who you are. This is who you were supposed to be just like Ellen O'Hara was who she was supposed to be. Did it ever occur to you Scarlett that perhaps your mother wished to be different from what she was?"

Scarlett shook her head, "No of course not."

"Maybe you should think about it. I'm sure there was a time in her life when she wanted to be like her mother, who from what you told me was considered to be scandalous. Maybe there were even times when she looked at you and wished she had your spirit."

"No," Scarlett stated sharply. "Mother would've never wanted to be anything like me! I know she'd be so ashamed of me."

"Perhaps on the outside she would act ashamed in order to fit the role she cast herself but I'm willing to bet that on the inside where it counts she would've understood and forgiven you for whatever wrongs you had done Scarlett. For all you know you may be more like her than you think."

"I don't know about that."

"All little girls want to be like their mother Scarlett take Ella for example, she watches everything you do and tries to emulate you in anyway she can from the way you hold your fork to the way you walk down the stairs. She wants to be as much like you as you wanted to be like your mother but one day that will change and she'll be her own person and it's time for you to let go of wanting to be Ellen and just be comfortable being Scarlett."

She nodded sadly, "It isn't easy being me."

There were so many sarcastic comments he could've made about that statement but he kept them to himself not wanting to add to her hurt and not wanting to ruin the openness and honesty she was giving him.

"I know," he answered not knowing exactly what to say. She raised her sorrow filled green eyes that were laden with unshed tears and met his own haunted gaze and made an attempt to smile.

"I'm sorry Rhett; I didn't mean to turn so depressing. I'm afraid I'm being bad company for you."

He rose from his chair and stood in front of her. "Don't be silly Scarlett I've quite enjoyed our conversation tonight. It's rather refreshing to see this side of you my pet; you usually keep it hidden from everyone."

"I don't want people thinking I'm one of those weak women that needs to carry smelling salts," she replied trying to bring back some of the humor they had shared earlier.

He smiled at her and ran the back of his fingers down her cheek."I don't think you'd ever have to worry about anyone taking you for a weak woman Mrs. Butler."

"Can I tell you a secret Rhett?" she whispered.

"Of course," he replied as he captured one of her black curls and twisted it around his finger.

"Sometimes I feel like a weak woman."

Rhett locked his gaze on hers and then leaned towards her and kissed her forehead softly. "I won't tell anyone."

"May I make a confession of my own?" he asked

"Yes."

"Sometimes I don't feel to stable myself."

She caught his hand as he removed his fingers from her hair. She squeezed his hand gently, "I won't tell anyone."

He nodded and gave in to the temptation to brush his lips across hers causing her heart to flutter and her skin to tingle.

"Get some sleep Scarlett, you'll feel better in the morning."

She released her hold on his hand thinking too herself that the only morning she'd wake up feeling better would be when she woke up next to him.

"Goodnight Rhett," she told him as she fought the urge to beg him to stay.

"Goodnight," he stated simply as he left her room leaving her feeling empty and alone.


	7. He See's You When You're Sleeping

Authors Note: Diane58 I assure you I have every intention of finishing this story, in fact I already have ideas in mind for the end and it's epilogue but there's still a few chapters to go before that. I just hope you guys will still be interested in a Christmas story in January!

Chapter 6 – He See's You When You're Sleeping

"Why did I quit drinking?" Scarlett asked herself as she tossed and turned in her bed that night. What was wrong with her anyway? One little kiss and she was going to be sleepless over it? His lips had been on hers for barely a second and yet it took hold of her and wouldn't let her go. She wanted him to kiss her again, a kiss long and passionate that would make her go weak in the knees like he used to give her before everything went so hopelessly wrong. She wished she could slip from her bed and into his where she could lay with her head on his shoulder and inhale his scent. There would be comfort in having his arms around her as she slept but she couldn't dare attempt it, not with the terms of their deal hanging over her head. "Damn you Rhett," she whispered aloud into the darkness, "And damn me too," she added as she began to hate herself for the strict terms she had imposed.

She thought of her children and how happy they both seemed whenever Rhett was around. She wouldn't risk their happiness for her own foolish desires. It would most likely be in her best interest if she didn't get too used to Rhett being there and wanting things she couldn't have, once the New Year rolled around she was sure he'd ask for the papers and go on his way without a backward glance and she'd die a little more inside once again. She punched her pillow angrily as she willed her thoughts away. She had enough to trouble her without adding her feelings about Rhett to the equation. There was for instance Wade to worry over.

"What am I going to do," she asked as she stared into the darkness. She felt as though she had failed him. Scarlett rarely thought of Charles Hamilton but she did so tonight. She wondered if he looked down upon her in shame at how their son was turning out and she suddenly felt compelled to apologize to her first husband as she whispered, "I'm sorry Charles."

The feeling of being hated by her child ate at her constantly. "Am I really that bad of a mother?" she asked herself. She could remember times that had been happy and sweet between them. She remembered times at Tara when she had dropped what she was doing to kiss skinned knees and scrapped fingers. She even remembered times when she had taken him onto her lap and rocked him to sleep, holding him long after he had fallen asleep. There had been hugs and kisses, maybe not enough by some people's standards but she had to provide for him and she did so the best she could, didn't that prove her love? Hadn't she given him everything he had desired? Wasn't she trying to be the mother he needed? Would Melly's love always outrank the love of the woman who had brought him into the world? She didn't know the answers and she wondered with desperation if she ever would as tears began to fall down her cheeks wetting the pillow.

* * *

"Damn you Scarlett," Rhett said aloud as he too lay awake cursing his wife and himself. She was too tempting to him, a poison in his blood that never seemed to run its course. Giving into temptation and kissing her, even though it was brief had turned him upside down and he felt himself growing angry for allowing this coziness between them to grow. Wasn't he supposed to fighting these feelings for Scarlett? Wasn't he supposed to hold up his end of the deal and then take her offer of divorce and run for the hills? Yes he still loved her, he had admitted that to himself long ago but that didn't mean he wanted her to know it. It didn't mean he was ready to give in to her. He desired her and had wanted nothing more than to stay with her tonight, to kiss away her tears, to make both of them feel whole once more. Why couldn't she have been like this throughout the course of their marriage? He asked himself. It was useless to wish she had been. Why couldn't he ever shake her spell?

"I'm a damn fool," he told himself as he tried to make his feelings for his wife crawl back into there hiding place. She had been so open with him, so vulnerable. He wanted to protect her, to tell her everything would be alright but he couldn't. He held back like always allowing his mind to conjure up suspicions or doubts that were baseless.

If she wasn't so calm and mature about the situation he could handle it all better. With the old Scarlett her tears and tantrums and southern belle seduction tactics would have given him the willpower to walk away from her. It would have reminded him how tired he was of this life with her. He would've kept the wall up between them. How stupid of him to request that they be friends. Her friendship only made him want more. It was all getting too complicated. All he had wanted was peace. Peace without Scarlett and her trials and tribulations but then the allure of that had worn off and he realized there may be no peace without her…he might only find it _with_ Scarlett. The thought made him angry maybe it was all a ruse after all. She knew her damn deal would bring him home and she could play the role of abandoned wife who had learned from her mistakes and he'd fall for it and stay. One honest conversation and one little kiss and the contentment he had felt since arriving in Atlanta was shattered.

"Damn us both," he whispered into the dark room as he turned over and tried to get comfortable. His eyes were barely closed when an anguished sob of "Mama," as it broke through the silence. "Ella," he thought as he began to get up. He was certain that no matter how maternal Scarlett suddenly was she wouldn't drag herself from her bed to sooth her child. It would be up to him to comfort the little girl and tuck her back into bed.

"Mama," she cried again her voice closer this time as Rhett found his robe and put it on.

Just as he cracked the door open he saw a flash of Scarlett's green wrapper hurrying into the hallway where Ella threw herself into her mother's arms. He watched as Scarlett went down on her knees to be level with her daughter and how she held her tightly stroking her curls and hushing her softly as she patiently listened to Ella's broken sobs about a nightmare that Rhett couldn't quite decipher. He was hypnotized as she kissed her child's cheeks and hair telling her quietly that she was there and everything was fine. Ella began to settle and Scarlett rose from the floor holding on to Ella's hand.

"Can I sleep with you tonight mama?" the little girl asked as she swiped her remaining tears away. Rhett awaited Scarlett's refusal but was surprised when he heard her say, "Yes of course you can."

He watched her lead Ella into her room and shut the door. Rhett closed his own door quietly and clenched his fists in anger. She had never offered such comfort to Bonnie. In fact he couldn't recall her doing much of anything for his daughter. Ella however was suddenly entitled to all the things she had denied their child. He knew it was wrong to be angry over it but coupled with the anger at himself he already felt that evening it grew and festered inside of him keeping him awake for hours.

* * *

The next morning he exited his room in time to see Ella bounding out of Scarlett's room in her pale yellow nightgown.

"Good morning Uncle Rhett," she greeted.

Forcing himself to smile he responded, "Good morning Ella, is your mother up yet?"

"Yes, Pansy is helping her dress right now."

"Thank you," he replied as she skipped down the hallway her trauma from her nightmare seemingly forgotten after spending the night in the safety of her mother's room.

He entered Scarlett's bedroom without knocking, anger still boiling inside him. He crossed the room quickly to where Pansy stood ready to lace Scarlett's corset.

"I'll tend to her Pansy, you go help Ella," he demanded as he took the strings from her hands. He waited until she left the room and ignoring Scarlett's confused glance took hold of her the strings and yanked them tightly.

"Not so tight Rhett!" She yelped. "That's hurting me."

"Good," he answered. "I want it to hurt you. It's a small measure of the pain you've bestowed upon me," he told her as he loosened the stays slightly allowing her to breathe once again.

"I don't understand Rhett. Whats wrong? Everything was fine last night."

"What did you have against Bonnie?" he asked harshly. "Was it because she was my child?"

"What on earth are you talking about Rhett Butler? Bonnie was my daughter I didn't have anything against her. I love her dearly."

"The hell you did," he stated angrily as he jerked her dress over her head and buttoned it quickly.

"I did so love Bonnie! What is this about?" Scarlett cried irritated at the rough treatment she was receiving at Rhett's hands.

"Ella was allowed to sleep with you last night but when Bonnie was scared you didn't offer her that option."

"Ella doesn't sleep here every night Rhett. She has nightmares; it's completely different from Bonnie."

"Why not let her cry it out Scarlett. Wasn't that your heartless advice about our daughter's fears?"

"That was only to break her fear of the dark! It wasn't anything that Mammy and Mother hadn't done to me or my sisters."

"You just didn't want to be bothered with my daughter. You didn't want to be bothered with any of them until recently."

"How could I do anything for Bonnie? You never gave me a chance to be a good mother to her. You kept her away from me every chance you got. You taught her to love you and only you. It wouldn't have mattered if I tried or not she still would've preferred you," Scarlett replied bitterly.

"She preferred me because I was the one who gave her attention."

"Again; when did you ever give me a chance?"

"You had your chance with Wade and Ella and it looks like you didn't succeed with them."

"How can you say that?" Scarlett asked angrily wiping away tears that had began falling down her cheeks.

"Open your eyes and look around. Wade's on his was way to being expelled, Ella's suddenly plagued with nightmares she never had before. I wasn't going to let you ruin Bonnie's life."

"Do you think I set out to purposely ruin them Rhett? Do you think it didn't hurt me to be shut out of Bonnie's life"?

"I doubt it. You didn't want her in the first place. I was sparring you the trouble of raising her. You never made any attempt to be a mother to my child. Don't you think it hurts me to see you being mother of the year to Ella? You couldn't do it for Bonnie but you can do it for Frank Kennedy's daughter."

Scarlett was trembling with rage. "Do you even here yourself Rhett? Do you really think it's fair of you to deny Ella love and affection because you stood in the way of me giving it to Bonnie? How dare you treat Ella so callously? She's Frank's daughter but she's also mine, you always said you thought of her as yours but now we know you don't. Just so you know Rhett, it was Frank Kennedy's daughter who begged Saint Nicholas to bring you home for Christmas."

His expression never changed. Anger still filled his eyes. "I deny your children nothing Scarlett. I wish you had done the same for mine."

"You think you were so perfect. You let her run wild. You spoiled her so much that she'd never love me. As for offering her comfort there was a time when I did," she replied tensely.

"You're a liar."

"No I'm not. Who do you think cared for her when you ran off for three days because you were too much of a coward to face me?"

"I'm willing to bet it wasn't you."

"You'd be wrong. Do you really think she stayed in that room by herself those nights?"

"Where else would she be?"

"She was here with me."

"I don't believe that for a moment."

"I don't give a damn what you believe it's the truth. She slept right next to me after she cried half the night wondering where her daddy was."

"I know you're lying Scarlett. You wouldn't have slept with the light on for her."

"Wrong again Mr. Butler. I sat the lamp on that table over there," she told him pointing at a small stand on the other side of the room.

"I'm not buying it."

"You can ask the servants. You can go to Tara and ask Mammy, better yet go down the hall and ask Ella. Bonnie insisted Ella stay with us the second night."

"Do you think those few nights make up for everything else?"

"No, but it could've been a start. She was starting to warm up to me when you took her away. You robbed me off three months of her life Rhett! You had three months with her that I never got and can't make up. Do you think I feel good knowing that she died loving only one of her parents?" she sobbed.

Rhett's face sobered slightly, "Maybe you should've made yourself more lovable then you wouldn't have to worry about it. Maybe I wouldn't have left you and maybe your son wouldn't hate you. You hang on to Ella she's all you have," he replied as he turned and stormed out of the room.

Scarlett sank down onto the bed and cried her fragile heart crumbling a little more.


	8. In Sin And Error Pining

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews! PrincessAlica I'm sorry I made you cry lol

Chapter 7 – In Sin and Error Pining

Rhett sat in his old room at Belle's drinking glass after glass of whiskey. Belle sat quietly and observed him for awhile before speaking.

"What has she done to you now? She asked.

Rhett took a deep breathe and another sip of whiskey and told her the whole story, from Scarlett's letter to the fight they had that morning. If he had looked he would've known from the look on her face that he wasn't going to get much sympathy from her this time.

"In a lot of ways she's right this time Rhett."

His head snapped up and he stared at her as if her face had turned green.

"What do you mean she's right?" he thundered.

"Oh come on, Rhett. We both know Scarlett didn't stand a chance in hell of being close to Bonnie with you spoiling her and keeping her away from her mother like you did."

"I was protecting her."

"No, you were punishing Scarlett."

"She didn't even want her."

"That may be but did you ever think that maybe if you gave Scarlett a chance to have a say in her daughter's life that maybe she would've bonded with the girl."

"Scarlett only cares about herself. We both know that Belle."

Belle shrugged as she picked up her own glass and drank. "I don't know the woman personally, I only know her from what you've told me but I take that with a grain of salt."

"I can't believe your siding with her."

"I'm not taking sides Rhett, but I have to agree with Scarlett this time. She never stood a chance with Bonnie and being angry at her for giving attention to Ella is wrong. There was a time when you sat in this room wishing Ella was your child and now you want her to suffer for something she had no control over. That little girl is just as entitled to her mother's love as Bonnie was and I don't think for one moment that Scarlett didn't love Bonnie, she just didn't have a chance to show it."

"But don't you see Belle, that's the point Bonnie was entitled and got nothing."

"So Ella should get nothing too?"

"That's not what I said," Rhett answered.

"Oh but it is. Your way of thinking is that Bonnie should have had everything Scarlett had to offer because she was _your_ child."

"That's what I'm trying to get through to you Belle!" he raved as he stood and paced the floor. "She denied her because she was _my_ child."

Belle shook her head and gave a disgusted sigh. "How could she deny her something you wouldn't allow her to give! If it was like you say then aren't you standing here in front of me being a hypocrite Rhett Butler?"

"How do you figure that?" he growled

"If Bonnie was denied affection for who her father was than why is it right in your mind for her to deny it to Ella on the basis that she is the daughter of Mr. Kennedy?"

Rhett remained silent as he slumped back down in his chair and resumed his drinking.

"No one's a perfect parent Rhett," Belle told him flatly.

"I've got her beat."

"Have you?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"What are you getting at now?"

"You haven't been much of a parent to Scarlett's children lately have you?"

"I've always done what I could for Wade and Ella."

Belle snorted, "Before Bonnie came maybe you did but after her you only did what was expected of you, but let's face it once your child came into the picture those children became second best in your eyes."

Rhett glared at her, "I always treated them equally."

"Come on, Rhett you know that's a lie. They could never hold a candle to your princess. I never saw them riding down the street on ponies next to you. I didn't see you parading them around town like you did her. I didn't see you making an effort to be respectable for their sake."

"I just wanted Bonnie to have a good place in society."

"While Scarlett and her children remained outcasts."

"Scarlett ruined their chances not me."

"But aren't you the one who led Scarlett away from society standards in the first place? She learned from you Rhett, so that makes you just as responsible."

"Scarlett has a mind of her own she didn't have to listen to me. She could still be putting on her act of mourning Charles Hamilton if she had wanted to; that choice was hers not mine."

"You knew she'd follow your lead Rhett and then once you had her and she gave you a child you turned your back on her just as she did you. You let society vilify her while you made yourself a saint. You enjoyed watching them eat her alive, hell you even joined in on occasion."

"None of that has anything to do with this," Rhett told her his eyes as black with anger as they could be.

"Doesn't It?"

"No."

"I think we both know that it isn't her skills as a mother that is bothering you, I don't even think its Scarlett herself that's bothering you today."

"And what pray tell do you think is really bothering me?"

"You still love her. Your problem is with yourself not with Scarlett or her little girl."

Rhett was silent for a moment, "I suppose loving Scarlett is my cross to bear."

"Maybe if you'd let go of some of your anger and accept the fact that you're just as much to blame for the state of your marriage as she is you'd be able to make it work."

"I've done nothing compared to her."

Belle gave a short laugh as she shook her head sadly, "You're too stubborn to wake up and see the whole picture. You knew what you were getting into when you married her. You knew she already had two children so you were aware of her capabilities of a mother. If she didn't meet your standards you shouldn't have taken her on. For twelve years I've listened to you complain, ridicule and denounce the woman you claimed to love and frankly I'm tired of it. You wanted her you got her now deal with it! Go home and beg her forgiveness Rhett and while you're at it pray to god she rips up those papers and takes you back because no other woman on this earth is going to put up with you for as long as she has."

"You're a ray of sunshine today Belle," he told her his voice laced with sarcasm.

"And you're a coward Rhett Butler. You're afraid to make life with Scarlett work. You're as bad as the people in this town that you make fun of. They forgive nothing and let nothing go and neither do you. For god's sake Rhett lay Bonnie to rest already. She wouldn't want you to be this way. You're not the only one who got hurt in all this, so did Scarlett and Wade and Ella."

Rhett stood once again and this time grabbed his coat off the back of the chair. "I think I'll take my business elsewhere," he told Belle as he stormed toward the door.

"You do that," she called after him.

* * *

Once Scarlett had gotten a grip on her emotions she went on to work as though nothing was wrong. She sat at her desk primly at the end of the day giving her employees their pay. Last in line was Mr. Riley still dressed in Saint Nicholas' red robes.

"You've been doing a fine job Mr. Riley. I can't thank you enough."

"No need to thank me Mrs. Butler. I enjoy the work."

Scarlett smiled, "I think you enjoy it as much as the children."

"That's probably true, but you know Mrs. Butler you still haven't told me what you want for Christmas."

Her smile faded, "What I want can't be found on store shelves Mr. Riley."

"Neither could Ella's special request but it seems it has been granted."

"That was just a coincidence," she countered.

"Maybe, maybe not," he replied.

His statement confused her, "What do you mean Mr. Riley?"

"How do we know that Ella's wish wasn't granted by a higher power? Perhaps when a Christmas wish can't be fulfilled by 'Saint Nicholas' it's granted by god instead. Maybe that's why Christmas is the season of miracles Mrs. Butler."

"Do you really want to know what I want for Christmas Mr. Riley?" she asked as she digested his statement.

His blue eyes twinkled merrily at her, "Yes, that's why I keep asking. I want you to get what you want."

Scarlett sighed, "What I want for Christmas is for my husband to love and understand me. I want him to stay. I want my son to love me, to know that I always acted in his best interest and that there's never been a moment when I haven't loved him. I want my daughter to grow up to be a better woman than I am. I want friends who will stand by me instead of standing in judgment of me. I want to walk down the street without hearing whispers and laughs. I want peace in my life, I want happiness. Do you think all those wishes can be granted?"

The old man gazed at her intently as he reached for her hand and held it gently. His eyes held sympathy and understanding in them, "If you believe in those things strongly enough Mrs. Butler than yes I believe those wishes can be achieved."

Tears filled her tired sore eyes, "I hope you're right," she whispered.

"You just have to believe," he told her as he squeezed her hand "believe with all your might, with the child like faith of your little girl. Just keep believing Mrs. Butler and maybe you'll be granted your wish."

He squeezed her hand once more before turning away and leaving her. As she heard the store door shut she closed her eyes and whispered, "Believe."


	9. Come All Ye Faithful

Authors Note: Much love to all my reviewers! You guys are fabulous.

Chapter 8 – Come All Ye Faithful

Rhett sat in the corner of the National Hotel's restaurant. After his unsuccessful visit to Belle he had decided that getting drunk wasn't the thing to do at this time. Once seated at his table he had ordered coffee and given orders to be left alone. He brooded as he stared into the dark liquid in the fine white china cup. Belle had been the second person that day too call him a coward. Her biting words had sliced through him, making him realize that perhaps he had been wrong after all. Rhett Butler hated being wrong. It dampened his dark mood even more. As if that wasn't enough to keep him down his mind kept forcing him to remember the stricken look on Scarlett's face as he had hurled his hateful accusations at her. She had looked so hurt and devastated. Why did he keep hurting her? What kind of sick pleasure did he derive from it? Rhett was finally disgusted with himself instead of his wife for a change. He had taken that fragile intimacy between them and shattered it into a million pieces. Maybe Belle was right, maybe he was afraid to make it work with Scarlett.

He was even beginning to see that perhaps he was a hypocrite. He had always called Scarlett a child and here he was acting like a little boy who had his favorite toy taken away while she played the role of adult. All the years he had teased her, been cruel and mean spirited toward her suddenly slapped him in the face. Only a schoolboy would've used such foolish tactics to win the love of a girl he desired. As a grown man he should've known better. It was also true that he had allowed the Old Guard to pick her apart like vultures circling their prey. He had stood idly by watching the show, laughing at her, giving them more ammunition to attack her. He had always accused her of ruining him, but it looked as though he was the one who had ruined her.

An image of Ella came to mind. The little girl whom Scarlett had said begged Saint Nicholas to bring him home. What kind of man was he to be angry with an eight year old child for being loved by her mother? His ears rang with Belle's words reminding him of the times he had wished Ella was his child. A long suppressed memory rose to the surface and remembered suddenly a particular day when he had been driving Scarlett when she was pregnant with Ella. That day Scarlett had seemed to let her guard down and was speaking frankly with him. Their conversation had been light and enjoyable. He remembered how he loved that side of her but it was something else that suck with him and overwhelmed him with emotion.

_As they traveled slowly down the road outside of town Rhett noticed Scarlett grip her stomach lightly and a small sound of discomfort came from her lips. The sound startled_ _him and he quickly stopped the buggy._

"_Are you alright Scarlett?" he asked her concern evident on his face._

_She nodded and smiled slightly "I'm fine Rhett."_

"_Are you sure? Should I take you to Doctor Meade?"_

_She laughed lightly, "I assure you I'm fine Rhett, please relax you look like your about to jump out of the buggy and run."_

"_I assure you my dear that I'm not running anywhere but I am concerned. Is everything alright? Forget about modesty and just tell me what happened," he demanded._

_Her laughter filled the air "It's nothing, the baby just kicks hard sometimes."_

_Relief filled his eyes as his heart rate returned to normal._

"_Does it hurt you?" he asked allowing his curiosity to get the best of him._

_Scarlett shook her head "No, I wouldn't say that it hurts exactly. It's just sort of an odd feeling, and sometimes it can be uncomfortable but it doesn't hurt me," she explained._

_He nodded as his eyes lingered on the spot of her stomach where her hand still laid. She then did something that he would've never expected her to do as it was certainly very out of character for her. She reached for his large tan hand and placed it on her stomach where her hand had been moments before. His hand had no sooner touched her when the baby kicked once more._

"_Do you feel it?" she asked quietly._

_He smiled softly and nodded allowing his hand to rest on her stomach longer than he should have before taking up the reins and continuing on their way._

Rhett could still remember how he had felt that day. In that instance he had created a bond with Scarlett's child and he had spent the night drowning himself in whiskey wishing the baby in her womb had been his. It suddenly became clear; he had loved Ella since before she was born. She had been his little girl long before Bonnie had been conceived. It made him sick to his stomach to realize that he had considered her unworthy compared to Bonnie. He had been wrong this past year to proclaim to people that Bonnie was his only child. Wade was his son and Ella was his daughter. He hadn't done right by them. When he left Scarlett he had also left them. A good parent didn't abandon his children. Scarlett as much as she may have lacked in maternal affection, had never walked away from her children. Suddenly she had one up on him.

Throwing her problems with Wade in her face had been cruel and unnecessary. Regret filled him "how could I do that to her?" he murmured. He could see how much her situation with Wade pained her and yet he had taken her vulnerability and used it against her.

"You're a no good bastard Rhett Butler," he told himself.

He finished his coffee and left a few coins on the table as he got up. He had to think of some way to gain her forgiveness. As he stepped into the hotel lobby he noticed a sign on the wall that read

Christmas Ball

December 20, 1874 at 8 p.m

Admission by ticket only

His eyes lit up, a ball! That was perfect. Scarlett loved to dress up and go to parties and dance the night away. Surely that would smooth over this argument and they could try again at being friendly, if not more he suddenly hoped. His mood was greatly improved as he purchased the tickets and went on his way stopping to make some other arrangements for their first night out together in quiet sometime.

* * *

Dinner had been a tense affair in the Butler mansion. Rhett's absence had both children on edge as well as Scarlett.

"You made him go away again didn't you?" Wade had stated accusingly.

"I did no such thing! I told you he had business to attend to. He'll be here in the morning."

She could tell that neither one of them had believed her and she wasn't sure she believed it herself. Her only consolation was that his clothes were still in his room. She had been relieved when the time had come to send the children to bed. She had waited for Rhett in the parlor but he had yet to show himself. Sighing she climbed the stairs to get ready for bed and carry out her own nightly ritual.

Rhett halted in a shadowy area of the hallway when he saw Scarlett quietly entering Wade's room. Swiftly he moved closer curious to see what she was doing. He was transfixed as he watched her carefully lift the book he had been reading from his chest and then marking his page for him and laying it on the night table next to the bed. She then pulled the blankets up over his sprawled form and brushed a lock of his light brown hair off his forehead before leaning down and placing a light kiss at his temple. She stepped away from him and picked up his shoes setting them at the foot of the bed and then turned to his desk and straightened his stacks of books and papers. When her task was finished she left the room closing the door behind her.

Rhett remained hidden and watched as she entered Ella's room. He saw her bend to pick up Ella's favorite doll and place it back by her side. She then rearranged the covers over her small body before kissing her forehead and touching her curls lightly. As she left the room she left the door open a crack allowing the dim light of the hallway to be visible to her if she should awaken. Scarlett then turned and retreated to her own room.

Had she always done this? He wondered. Had this been what she had been doing all those times when he awoke late at night to see her slipping back into their room? He had always assumed she had been downstairs drinking as she pined for Ashley Wilkes but maybe she had been checking on her children as a mother does, making sure they were warm and that a cherished object was close at hand. Had she kissed them while they slept so that they couldn't reject her affection in favor of his or Melanie's? Hazy memories became clear as he remembered times when he had seen her late at night leaning over Bonnie's cradle performing the same task. Shame rose within him. He was wrong on more levels than he had known.

He made his way to her door and knocked. He was about to give up hope of her answering when she opened the door. Their eyes locked and neither said anything for a long tense moment.

"Can we talk?" he asked quietly.

She lowered her eyes and then brought them back to his, "I guess we can if you want," she told him as she stepped back allowing him into the room.

She closed the door behind him and crossed the room to her bed where she sat down waiting for him to accuse her of something else.

He saw her mentally bracing herself for whatever he was about to throw at her and it made him flinch.

"I'm sorry Scarlett," he stated simply but sincerely.

"For what?" she asked obviously not letting him off easily.

"For the things I said this morning. There's no explanation for it or excuse. I was wrong. I love Ella and she deserves affection just as much as Bonnie."

"I do love Bonnie, Rhett. I know you don't believe that but I do. I was proud of our child. I wanted nothing more than for her to love me like she loved you but I knew it wasn't possible so I didn't go out of my way to try. It just hurt too much when she didn't want me."

"I know you loved her. I guess I considered my own brand of suffering worse than yours when she died and I didn't allow myself to see your grief."

She nodded in understanding, "There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't missed her Rhett."

"I don't want you to keep going through life thinking that she didn't love you, Scarlett."

"But she didn't," she sniffed as her eyes welled with tears.

"Yes she did," he replied as he took his wallet from his pocket and removed a well creased piece of paper.

"She made me help her write this when we were in London. I promised her I'd send it to you but I never did," he told her as he handed it to her.

She carefully unfolded the piece of paper and saw in her daughter's childish scrawl

'I Love You Mommy, Love Bonnie.'

A sob escaped her, "Why didn't you send it to me then?"

"I was being selfish. I was still angry with you and I didn't deem you worthy of her affection. I regret it Scarlett, truly I do. It all makes sense now from what you told me this morning. I know why she was crying for you now and why she wanted to come home. You're right Scarlett she did start to bond with you those three days and then I ruined it."

"There's nothing we can do about it now Rhett," she cried. "But I do feel better having this," she told him as she gestured toward the paper.

He nodded, "I'm glad. I don't really believe that Wade hates you either."

"I don't really want to get into that right now."

"I understand. I hope you can forgive me Scarlett. I want to go back to the way we were last night."

"I don't know if it's that simple."

"Perhaps this will help," he said as he pulled the tickets for the ball from his pocket.

She examined them, "I'm supposed to forgive you because of a Christmas ball?"

He nodded, "I hoped it would make it easier. Did I mention I ordered you a new dress for the occasion," he told her seeing her eyes light up.

"You're truly sorry Rhett?" she questioned

"Yes Scarlett, I've been a despicable bastard and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I said."

"Is there anything else you're sorry for?"

He was puzzled for a moment, "Yes, I'm sorry for pulling your stays so tight"

"You should be you left a bruise."

He couldn't help the wicked grin that spread across his face, "Do you want me to kiss it?"

She blushed as she smiled, "No, you'd like that too much."

"You're probably right my pet; now will you go to the ball with me?"

She thought for a moment, "Yes Rhett I'll go with you."

He kissed her cheek, "I promise you won't regret it."

"You better hope I don't," she called as he turned to leave her.


	10. Let Nothing You Dismay

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews, I know that some of you felt that Scarlett forgave Rhett to easily but please keep in mind that she only agreed to go to the ball with him, she didn't exactly say that she forgave him ;) Scarlett has more to say in this chapter.

Chapter 9 – Let Nothing You Dismay

After Rhett left her alone that night Scarlett found that she couldn't sleep. She felt as though she had given Rhett the wrong impression. She was still angry and hurt but she had kept those feelings to herself. She hated that she was so afraid of ruining the children's holiday that she held back from telling him how she really felt. It nagged at her until finally she climbed out of her bed and allowed her feet to carry her to Rhett's room.

She hesitated at the door but finally convinced herself to open it and slip inside. She walked slowly through the dark room until she came to his bed. She knelt down next to it so that her face was even with his.

"Rhett," she whispered as she lightly touched his face causing him to stir.

"Scarlett? What's wrong?" he asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I need to talk to you, Rhett," she answered her voice shaking with nerves.

"Come up here off the floor before you get cold," he told her as he moved over allowing her to sit on the edge of his bed.

"Now what is it you want to talk about?"

She took a deep breath and twisted her hands before speaking."I'm still angry with you Rhett."

He locked his gaze on hers, "For this morning?"

She nodded, "Yes, I don't want you to think that you can buy my forgiveness with a new dress and a night out."

Rhett sat up and faced her. "I didn't mean for it to seem as though I were trying to buy you off Scarlett. I only meant it as a peace offering. I know better than to expect instant forgiveness from you my dear. I just thought a gift might make it easier."

"A long time ago those gestures would've been enough to make me forgive you."

"But you're not that person anymore are you Scarlett?"

"No, I'm not. I can't ignore things that hurt me anymore. I just want you to know that it takes more than gifts to prove to me that you're sorry. I can't give you something that you can't give me."

"I don't recall you ever asking my forgiveness, Scarlett."

"Maybe if you had read my letters you'd know that I have."

"I wasn't ready to deal with it then."

"Will you ever be ready Rhett?"

He thought for a moment, "I hope so."

"I find myself afraid to tell you things because of that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because when it's something you don't want to hear you leave and I can't risk that right now. I made a promise to my children and I can't allow my feelings to get in the way of that."

"I don't want you to live that way," Rhett told her. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your feelings and thoughts from me because of the deal we made."

"But part of that deal is that I don't reveal certain thoughts and feelings to you Rhett."

"That's true but we're not talking about declarations of love my pet, we're talking about anger and being hurt and any other emotions that you need to express. You don't need to hide those things from me."

"I don't know how to act around you anymore," she told him. "I'm afraid of stepping over my boundaries or afraid of doing something to offend you."

"Stop worrying so much, Scarlett, you don't need to act any certain way with me. I want you to be yourself. I liked the way we were last night, the way we talked freely and enjoyed each other's company. You don't have to be afraid to show me your anger. You wouldn't be the woman I've always known if you kept that fiery temper of yours buried inside you my pet."

"I'm just so tired of fighting, Rhett. I've been fighting everything and everybody for so long that I just can't do it anymore."

"That's a feeling that I'm well acquainted with. I don't want to fight with you either. I want the same thing you want, a peaceful holiday with my family."

"Do you think it's still possible?"

He smiled, "Of course it is but there is something I need to ask you."

"What?"

"I know that you are still angry with me and you have every right to be but I need to know if you accept my apology."

"Yes, Rhett I accept your apology, but it will take time to gain my forgiveness."

She waited hoping to hear him say how long it would take for her to gain his forgiveness but he gave her no hint of an answer on that topic.

"I understand. Are you still going to the ball with me?"

"Yes, I'd still like to go if you want to," she answered.

"I want to take you, Scarlett; it's been too long since you had fun."

"That's true," she replied.

"Is there anything else troubling you tonight?"

"Yes there is something else I wanted to talk about," she said hurriedly.

He saw her shiver slightly and he raised the covers inviting her to share their warmth.

"I'm fine," she stammered as she edged away.

"I won't bite you, Scarlett, get under the covers and tell me what else is on your mind."

She hesitated but then gave in crawling into the warmth of his bed. He took her by surprise as he hooked his arm around her waist and brought her with him as he laid down. Finding herself lying on her side facing him she had suddenly lost her train of thought and her breath caught in her throat. It felt so right to be here like this and yet she knew that it wouldn't last although that persistent word 'believe' lingered in the back of her mind.

"Scarlett, what else did you want to tell me?" he asked snapping her thoughts back into focus.

"I want to tell you about Ella's nightmares."

He shook his head, "You don't have to do that."

"Yes I do. I want you to know whats been going on here for the last fourteen months."

"Go on," he told her ready to hear about the devastation he had left behind him.

"After you left I had the children brought home for Melly's funeral. I had to tell them that she was gone. Then the day after the funeral I couldn't put off their questions about you any longer. I had to explain to them that you had left and I didn't know when or if you were coming back."

He gestured for her to continue.

"It wasn't long after that when Ella's nightmare's started. I couldn't sleep one night and I went to check on them. When I went to her room I found her crying and thrashing about in her sleep. When I woke her she wrapped her arms around my neck so tightly that I could barely breathe. I had never seen her cry so hard, not even when she had colic as a baby. Finally I got her calmed down enough to tell me what she had dreamed. She told me that she had dreamed that I had left her and that she was running after me begging me to stay but that I couldn't hear her and finally she lost sight of me and she was left all alone."

Sorrow filled Rhett's face, "That poor little girl. She's lost to many people in such a short span of time."

"She was so shaken by that dream that I held her as if she were a baby until she finally went back to sleep and then I slept in her bed with her for the rest of the night. That dream plagues her as badly as my own does and so I've told her that whenever she dreams it she's more than welcome to come and sleep with me so that she knows I'm still here."

"I'm so sorry, Scarlett. I had no idea the troubles she was having. I feel even worse for the way I acted."

"I would've told you sooner if I had known it was going to upset you. She hasn't had that dream in a few weeks and I thought that maybe it had finally gone away. She's so afraid that I'm going to leave her like everyone else seems to do. I do my best to reassure her that I'm not going anywhere but that fear lingers no matter what I do."

"How often does she have this dream?

"Now that we've grown closer she doesn't have it as much but when it first started it was several times a week."

"That's good; perhaps it is running its course and will be gone soon."

"I hope so," she replied.

"What about you?" he asked

"What about me?"

"Have your nightmares returned?"

She looked away as though she were embarrassed. He touched her chin gently and brought her gaze back to his.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "It has returned, not every night but often enough."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She shrugged, "I'm used to it."

"Is it the same one?"

"In most ways, only now I know what I'm running towards."

"And what is that?"

"You," she answered her voice a soft whisper.

He said nothing but pulled her against him holding her tightly in his arms.

"I hate knowing you and Ella are so troubled when you sleep."

Scarlett nodded, "There have been times when she's crawled into my bed after suffering her own nightmare and then has to wake me from mine. It's strange to say but in a large way that's how we bonded."

"At least you have each other to scare away the things that menace the two of you at night."

She smiled at him sadly as she moved away from him slightly thinking how much they all needed him to perform those tasks.

"Did Wade's troubles start at the same time Ella's nightmares began?" he questioned.

"In some ways. At first it was just his grades that began to decline and he seemed a little more withdrawn but that seemed reasonable with everything that had happened and I tried to give him time to deal with it in his own way. He was even talking to me a little but then…" she trailed off.

"But then what?" he asked wondering why she had stopped.

She chose her words carefully before continuing, "Then Beau moved away," she answered leaving Ashley's name out of the conversation.

He noticed her avoidance of Ashley's name and figured it was best if he did the same.

"Do you think that was the last straw for him and caused to him to lash out the way he has?"

"I don't know Rhett. I mean it wasn't immediately after he left that it started but it wasn't long after. Then the fights and the school conferences and the troublemaking began and that's when he started to turn against me. He's told me he hates me so many times," she told him feeling despair sweep over her once more.

"He lashes out at you because you're the only solid thing he has left, Scarlett"

She shook her head, "I think it's deeper than that."

"It might be, and if it is it'll all come out in due time."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"How have you been, Scarlett?" he asked for the first time since he came home.

"I haven't been living a dream," she replied.

"I'm aware of that."

"You really want to know how I've been Rhett?" she asked a bit harshly.

"Yes."

"Let's see I guess we could start with how I'm a social outcast and the laughing stock of Atlanta. I've drank and cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. Every letter that I wrote to you that came back unopened was like a knife in my heart The day I opened up divorce papers I wanted to die. Every day you didn't come home and Ella cried and Wade drifted further from me I felt more and more defeated until I could hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. I've been mad, sad, afraid, ashamed, depressed, confused, and lonely and a million other emotions I don't have names for. That's how I've been Rhett. Does it make you feel good to know it?"

"No, Scarlett, I take no pleasure in knowing your pain," he told her as he watched her struggle to maintain her composure.

"There was a time when you would have," she reminded him.

He nodded, "But like you I am also no longer that person."

Silence fell between them and she breathed deeply taking in the scent of cigars and cologne. His smell always brought her comfort and she suddenly felt very tired. Without thinking she allowed her body to relax and her eyes to flutter closed. A part of her brain reminded her of where she was and that she should go back to her own room but she ignored it feeling as though it wasn't worth the effort of getting out of the bed she was in.

Rhett saw her inner battle waging across her tired face and decided to make the decision for her as he carefully pushed her head onto his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her securely. He heard her breathing even out and knew she was asleep. He lowered his head and pressed a kiss to her hair. It seemed like he had more apologizing to do than he realized.


	11. The Christmas Waltz

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay guys. I got busy and didn't have much time to write and I didn't want this chapter to seem hurried.

Chapter 10 – The Christmas Waltz

December 20, 1874

As Scarlett hooked her necklace she smiled at her image in the mirror. For the first time in recent memory she felt alive and excited. Happiness spread through her as she thought of dancing with Rhett and being free from worry for the evening. The vase of flowers on the stand in front of her window caught her eye. Rhett had brought them to her that morning and he had even given Ella a small bouquet of her own. Curiosity overwhelmed her as she recalled how he had whispered something in her daughter's ear that had her beaming all day. She was dying to know what he had said but she hadn't allowed herself to ask. These past few days had been smooth and comfortable and Scarlett felt herself relaxed and content. Her husband seemed to be making an effort at being more considerate to her feelings and she greatly appreciated it. He was also being more attentive to Wade and Ella, she was glad that he was giving them his time and affection but she couldn't help but wonder if she had made things worse by asking him home for the holiday. The children would take up their old attachment to him and then he'd leave once more and they would be hurt again…she would be hurt again. The old familiar sadness welled up and she hurried to quell the feeling. She wanted to be happy tonight. She was tired of the depression that had been her constant companion. She could worry about Rhett's inevitable departure tomorrow. Tonight she was going to dance and feel pretty and enjoy whatever time she had with her husband…for the New Year would soon be upon her and her time would be up. She took a final glance in the mirror and then left her room.

Rhett was at the bottom of the stairs looking at his pocket watch for the tenth time. He was about to call her name when he glanced up at the stairs just in time to see her begin her descent. His breath caught in his throat and his thoughts came to a halt.

"Beautiful," he uttered softly as his eyes roamed over her. The gown he had bought for her was a dark green velvet polonaise that opened over a white satin underskirt with fitted sleeves. The sides of her hair were swept back elegantly and held with silver combs that allowed long black curls to tumble down her back. The diamond teardrop earrings and necklace that he had given her on their first anniversary sparkled in the light. She smiled shyly under his scrutiny as she stepped off the bottom step.

"Do I look alright?" she asked.

My dear you couldn't look any lovelier," he answered as he took her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

She smiled, "You look pretty handsome yourself, Rhett Butler," she told him as she admired his appearance in his black suit and white dress shirt.

"I always do," he answered a mischievous glint in his eyes.

She smacked his arm playfully as he held out her wraps, "I must have married the most conceited man in the world."

"But you've enjoyed it," he answered as they moved to the door.

"I wouldn't say I've enjoyed it much," she replied.

He offered her his arm and led her out to their awaiting carriage. The air was cold and small snowflakes floated in the air. As they settled into the carriage she turned to the window and gazed out at the night sky.

"Do you think it will really snow this year Rhett?" she asked.

People in town had been talking about snow ever since the temperature dropped and snow flurries had made their appearance a few days before. The children had never seen snow and were anxiously waiting to see if it would really happen. Their excitement had rubbed off on her and she found herself hoping right along with them.

"If it stays as cold as it has been then I'd say it's a possibility that those flurries could turn into something more."

"It would be special to have snow for Christmas," she replied.

"I agree but I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you."

"But you just said it could happen!" she exclaimed.

Rhett laughed, "Yes it could happen but we both know that Atlanta rarely gets snow."

"Well it's about time it did," she answered as she returned to gaze to the window.

"I hate to tell you this, Scarlett, but you have no say in the matter."

"That doesn't mean I can't hope," she told him.

"You can hope all you like and I certainly hope you are granted your wish for I'd hate to spend Christmas with three disappointed people."

"I'm sure the gifts will ease any disappointment for Wade and Ella."

"And you? Will gifts ease your disappointment?"

"It depends," she replied a sparkle in her eyes.

"Depends on what?"

"On what you're giving me," she told him.

"Who said I was going to get you anything?" he asked trying to remain serious.

"You know you are."

"I don't know any such thing and even if I did I wouldn't tell you."

"You're just being mean," she pouted reminding him of the young belle he had met years before.

He put his hand to his chest and gasped in mock offense, "I've never been mean a day in my life."

Scarlett laughed, "And I'm Queen Victoria."

Rhett inclined his head to her, "I'm afraid, your majesty, that you have me confused with one of your other husbands."

"No; I'm pretty sure I'm thinking of the right one. Number three is the cad."

"Ah yes I am lucky number three. You know Scarlett they say the third time is the charm," he told her with a wink.

"Whoever said that was a liar," she answered a giggle escaping her lips.

"Does that mean you're interviewing prospective candidates to be number four?" he asked playfully.

"God no!" she cried. "The last thing I need is another husband."

Rhett chuckled, "That's probably true; you do seem to have trouble with husbands my dear."

"Especially this last one," she replied as the carriage pulled up in front of the hotel.

"Yes but my devilish good looks and considerable bank account have more than made up for it."

She smiled as he helped her down from the carriage, "I wouldn't say it has made up for it but it does help."

He roared with laughter causing other couples on the sidewalk to turn and stare at them.

"You've never been one to shy away from the truth have you, Scarlett."

She tilted her head up to look at him as they entered the building ,"It's your fault Rhett, you always said you wouldn't put up with me lying."

"You always have to use my words against me don't you pet," he told her as he lead her towards the ballroom.

"Any chance I get," she told him smugly.

He grinned at her and squeezed her hand that lay in the crook of his arm.

"How pretty," Scarlett exclaimed as they stepped into the room.

The National Hotel had turned their ballroom into a beautiful Christmas paradise. Beautifully decorated Christmas trees sat in various areas of the room, their bright colorful ornaments shining in the light of hundreds of candles. Fresh garlands and wreaths had been hung giving the air a festive scent. The tables were draped in red cloths with centerpieces of white winter roses adorning them. The orchestra was warming up and Scarlett began to feel excited for the first time in years. Rhett escorted her to their table and she couldn't stop gazing at the sights and sounds around her. Rhett's quiet laugh snapped her attention back to him.

"What are you laughing at now?" she asked.

"You, you look like a little girl who's just been turned loose in the candy shop."

"Oh hush, Rhett," she replied as she watched the couples filling the room.

Rhett leaned in close to her, "Look, your good friend Maybelle Picard has arrived."

"Great," she said sarcastically. "I can already see where this night will be going."

"Don't worry my pet I'll protect you, although I doubt you need it. You can hold your own against anyone in this room and if it gets to bad you can always demonstrate where Wade gets his fighting skills from."

"That's not funny, Rhett."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because I have this terrible habit of smiling at cads."

"You wound me my dear."

She smirked and decided to throw some more of his words at him, "Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Surprise flicked across his face, "I would let you but I don't want to ruin your reputation," he said slyly.

"You're right you've already done enough damage in that area."

"Don't worry about the other people in this room, Scarlett. I brought you here to enjoy yourself."

"I know," she replied her eyes following Maybelle across the room.

"Isn't that the most hideous dress you've ever seen?" she asked with a discreet nod in her adversary's direction.

Rhett dropped the cigar he had been taking from his pocket. "That's the spirit my dear, get them before they get you."

"You told me to enjoy myself."

"So I did," he answered laughing; "And yes that gown is atrocious but she doesn't have the luxury of a husband with good taste to pick her clothes for her."

"I do love my gown, Rhett, thank you."

"No need to thank me, seeing you in it is thanks enough."

The music began to play and it only took one subtle pleading look from Scarlett to have him sweeping her onto the dance floor. The eyes of Atlanta were upon them but Rhett kept Scarlett's attention diverted from it. He lost count of the number of dances that had gone by when he finally persuaded her to return to the table for a break. Rhett signaled the waiter who sat two glasses of champagne before them. Scarlett stared at the glass as though it would bite her if she reached for it.

"Something wrong?" he asked as he took a sip from his own glass.

"You know I quit, Rhett."

"It's one glass, Scarlett, not the whole bottle."

"I know but I won't want to stop at one."

"Are you ever going to tell me what made you stop?"

Her face flushed with shame, "I don't want to talk about this now, Rhett! I'm having a good time please don't ruin it."

"Fair enough," he conceded.

He watched as a dark mood passed over her face as she stared at the glass. Before he could comment she seemed to have shaken it away and her smile was back in place and she was asking for another dance. He consented and followed her back to the dance floor. The conversation could wait he decided. Upsetting her evening wasn't something he wanted. There seemed to be an aura of peace around her as he whirled her around the dance floor. Rhett was happy to see her face void of tension for the first time since he had been home. She kept her eyes focused on him or on some invisible point behind him as if she were taking every effort to keep unhappiness at bay. He saw something that made him chuckle and he lowered his head to whisper in her ear.

"Mrs. Merriwether has her nose so high in the air that I'm surprised she's able to dance. If she's not careful she'll trip and throw herself into one of those Christmas trees you like so well."

Scarlett laughed merrily, "I know it's terrible to say but I wouldn't mind seeing that happen."

"I'm sure you're not the only who feels that way my pet, and I admit I would also find it very humorous myself," he replied. "I can just see her now sprawled out in the center of a Christmas tree that plaid gown over her head."

Scarlett laughed loudly drawing attention to them once again.

"Honestly, Scarlett, I just can't take you anywhere without you making a spectacle of yourself," he told her with a laugh.

"It's your fault Rhett; you're the one who keeps whispering things in my ear."

"I only do it to entertain you my dear, and admit it you are very entertained by the things I tell you."

"I never said I wasn't," she answered.

"Then you have no reason to complain," he told her mischievously.

Scarlett allowed herself to scan the room quickly. "Mrs. Meade is looking at us like we have lost our minds," she told him.

"I don't doubt that she thinks that, in fact she's probably convinced herself of it. If she'd only ask my opinion on the subject I'd tell her that we are the only sane ones here and that it's herself and her group who are somewhat unbalanced."

Scarlett lowered her head to his chest briefly to smother her giggles. "You're bad Rhett."

"I try to be whenever the occasion calls for it."

She flashed him a grin and returned her attention to the music. When the last waltz had been played they lingered in the ballroom until the crowd had thinned. As he plucked a few roses from the centerpiece he noticed Scarlett's champagne glass on the table. It was left untouched. She hadn't even indulged in a single sip. He found himself proud of her will power but said nothing figuring it better to act as if he hadn't noticed. As they exited the hotel Scarlett was surprised to find that the flurries of early evening had turned into a light steady snowfall.

"There's your snow, Scarlett," Rhett told her as he helped her into the carriage.

Scarlett was in awe of the light dusting of snow on the streets and trees. When they arrived home she stood on the porch enthralled as her eyes lingered on the beautiful scene before her. It seemed as if the world had gone still. The glittering white snow mixed with moonlight that had broken through the clouds and gave Atlanta a luminous glow.

"Isn't it lovely, Rhett?" she asked keeping her voice low as if she were afraid to break the silence of the dreamlike world around them.

He had been to busy studying the beauty of his wife to be captivated by the winter weather that she was engrossed in.

"Yes," he replied softly never taking his eyes off her.

Glancing in his direction she realized that his eyes had been and still were trained on her. She blushed slightly as a small smile played on her lips.

"I had a nice time tonight, Rhett," she whispered.

"So did I," he answered quietly.

"We should…" she began to say but trailed off as she realized it would do no good to finish the sentence. Time was running out for their marriage rather she liked it or not.

Rhett knew what she had been about to say and a feeling of guilt and remorse filled him. The sadness had returned to her eyes and it was like a knife through his gut.

"I should check on the children," she said quickly trying to change the subject. "Maybe I should wake them for a moment to see the snow."

She knew she was babbling but couldn't seem to help it as she turned and moved toward the door. As her hand fell on the door knob Rhett's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Not so fast, Mrs. Butler."

She turned to face him, "What is it Rhett?"

"You're standing under the mistletoe, my dear," he informed her.

She looked up at the doorframe and saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging down.

"How did that get there?" she asked confusion evident on her face.

"I can't imagine," he answered slyly.

"Aren't you the sly one," she replied as he closed the distance between them. He stood before her placing his hands on her small waist and looked down into her upturned face.

"Was there anything in that deal of yours that prohibited us from kissing under the mistletoe?"

"No," she told him the word sounding more like a breath than an answer.

"Good," he told her as he lowered his head and captured her lips with his own.

It was the kiss that Scarlett had been craving, long, passionate and tender all at once. When he pulled away from her she moved to bring her mouth back into contact with his but his words about the deal echoed in her ears and the terms she had set filtered into her mind in time to stop her as she raised slightly on her toes.

Rhett regretted mentioning that damn deal as she pulled back and he was able to see her dilemma flash clearly across her face. It was a problem he could solve for her and he did so by kissing her again. By the time their second kiss ended her arms were around his neck and she was breathless.

"Maybe we should go inside," she whispered her heart beating loudly in her ears.

"Why?" he asked, "The mistletoe is out here."

"I know but someone might see us."

He chuckled softly, "Yes that would be scandalous if Scarlett O'Hara Butler were to be seen kissing her husband on the front porch late at night."

"Don't make fun of me, Rhett."

"I'm not darling; I'm simply enjoying your company."

"You are not; you're making fun of me."

He saw an argument brewing and quickly claimed her lips again wiping away her thoughts. Maybe they should go inside he thought to himself as he kissed her, for there was much more he could do to her inside than out here. Thoughts of helping her out of her velvet gown entered his mind and he suddenly came back to his senses. He pulled away from her abruptly halting the stirrings of desire he felt. He couldn't do this right now, not when he was still unsure of what the future held for them.

"You should go and check on the children, Scarlett," he told her as he swung the door open for her.

"Rhett," she uttered, puzzled at the way his demeanor had suddenly changed.

"Goodnight, Scarlett," he told her as he stepped inside the house and moved in the direction of the library.

"Goodnight," she whispered feeling the cold air slap across her heated cheeks.

She gave a last glance at the snow falling and the mistletoe over head before she moved inside and closed the door. She moved slowly up the stairs and looked in on her children. She was envious of the peaceful looks on their slumbering faces. She had a small taste of peace tonight and it had crashed down around her. Entering her room she moved to the chair by the window and sat down.

The weight on her shoulders returned and tension crept up her neck like an old friend and she found herself regretting that she hadn't had that glass of champagne after all. She pulled back the curtain and sighed deeply, the sight of snow falling at night would always serve as reminder now of the night Rhett had kissed her during their last Christmas together. An ache settled in her chest as she sat in the loneliness of her bedroom. It was an ache she was sure she'd feel every Christmas she spent without Rhett. She allowed a tear to slip down her cheek; her night of happiness was over.


	12. Mother And Child

Chapter 11 – Mother and Child

December 22, 1874

The days after the ball passed slowly as Scarlett tried to ignore the sting of Rhett's rejection. He seemed to sense her feelings as he had been trying to be helpful with her last minute preparations for Christmas. He had taken the children out that day so that she could concentrate on wrapping gifts and seeing what still needed to be purchased in that last mad dash of the season. She sat in her locked bedroom surrounded by packages, paper and ribbons and found herself frustrated. There were gifts for everyone and yet she felt as though she was lacking in two areas. One of those areas was Wade. She wanted to give him something special this year, something to show him how much she cared about him and yet she had thought of nothing. Then there was the problem of Rhett. What did you get for a man who had everything and seemed not to want anything you had to offer? She rubbed the back of her neck and wished for a simple answer to both questions.

A knock came at her door and looking around at the mound of unhidden packages she hoped it wasn't one of the children.

"Who is it?" she called

"Guess."

She moved to the door and unlocked it, "Come in Rhett."

"Right on the first try, my pet," he stated as he sauntered into the room.

She frowned at him instead of joining in his banter as had been her habit lately.

"What's wrong Scarlett?"

She let out a frustrated sigh, "I need something special for Wade and I can't think of anything."

He pondered her problem for a moment. "Do you have anything left of Charles's, his father seems to come to his mind a great deal lately.

She shook her head, "The only thing I have left is his pistol and I wouldn't dare give him that. The way he's been lately he'd probably use it to shoot me."

"You're right; we better not arm the boy," he said amusement in his voice.

"What am I going to do Rhett?" she asked in desperation.

"I don't know, Scarlett, I'm sure you'll think of something."

"I hope so. Did the children have a nice time today?"

"Yes I took them to a play and then to lunch."

"That's nice," she replied

"We ran into Uncle Henry at the restaurant."

"How is he?"

"He's fine; he sent his regards to you. He said he hopes to see you over the holiday."

She nodded and then an idea came into her mind. "That's it!" she cried more to herself than Rhett.

A puzzled look crossed Rhett's face, "That's what?"

"I know what to get Wade. I'll be back," she told him as she grabbed her reticule from the dresser and crossed the room to the door.

"Where are you going?" Rhett asked surprised at her change of attitude.

"I have to see Uncle Henry, I'll be back in time for dinner," she answered as she hurried out of the room.

Rhett chuckled as he wondered what she had up her sleeve this time.

True to her word Scarlett returned just as dinner was being put on the table and she was beaming brightly.

"I trust your errand went well?" Rhett asked

"Very well," she answered.

That was one thing she could cross of her list she thought to herself. Now she only had one last thing to get for Rhett and everything would be done. She thought of her surprise gift for Wade hidden in her reticule and a hopeful feeling entered her body. She could imagine how happy he would be when he opened it; she could even envision the look of love for his mother returning to his eyes. Wade looked at her oddly as she smiled at him across the table. He turned his eyes toward to Rhett only to find that his step-father's gaze was glued to his mothers face.

Wade knew his mother well enough to know when she was up to something. She always wore that smile when she had something planned and Wade wasn't sure he liked it. Whatever she had plotted was obviously geared toward him and he wanted nothing to do with her or her ideas. He'd take care of whatever she was thinking of, he'd make sure that she was so angry with him that she'd want nothing to do with him anymore. She wouldn't be smiling when he was done he thought to himself.

That evening when it was time to send the children upstairs to get ready for bed she kissed Ella and told her she'd be up to see her later. Moving to Wade she leaned down to kiss his cheek but he jerked his face away from her. She pretended not to notice, not wanting him to see the hurt on her face. "Goodnight Wade," she told him. He ignored her and started to pass by her on his way out of the room.

"Wade," Rhett's voice called after him.

He turned to face him, "Yes, Uncle Rhett?"

"Your mother wished you goodnight."

The boy stared at him but said nothing.

"It's alright, Rhett, I'm getting used to it," Scarlett replied.

"No, it isn't alright. Tell your mother goodnight, Wade."

Wade glanced at Scarlett; "Goodnight mother," he spat as if the words tasted like bile in his throat.

When he had retreated from the room Scarlett looked at Rhett with an expression of hurt and embarrassment on her face. He stood from his chair and came to stand next to her.

"I'll talk to him as soon as Christmas is over, Scarlett. I wanted to wait until then because I was afraid it might make things worse and upset the holiday for both of you."

"Do you promise, Rhett?"

He nodded, "I promise, now go and tuck Ella in and trust me. We'll get things settled with your son."

"I hope you're right."

"I am," he answered as he kissed her cheek and gave her a nudge towards the door.

When she finally laid down to sleep that night she prayed. She asked god to help her, to help Wade overcome his feelings against her. She asked for strength, she was going need it to make it through the rest of this month. As her eyes closed she heard Mr. Riley's words in ear.

"Just Believe."

"I'm trying," she whispered into the darkness.

It had been so long since she had tried to believe in anything that she wasn't sure she remembered how but she kept trying. What else could she do?

* * *

The next morning Rhett came into her office.

"I have some errands to run Scarlett, do you need anything?"

"No," she answered as she added a column of numbers in the ledger.

" Wade asked if he could go see a friend I told him he could I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Rhett; maybe it will put him in a better mood."

"I thought that myself," he told her as he left the room.

She worked for awhile at her desk and decided against going to the store that day. If they needed something someone would come for her. She'd go tomorrow and oversee the busiest day of the season and then close up for the holiday. Taking a day off allowed her to play a game with Ella before she ran off to the kitchen to help with the baking of Christmas cookies. She slipped into her room and wrapped the present she had procured for Wade the day before. Stashing it with the other gifts she moved downstairs. Scarlett wasn't used to having idle time and she found herself growing bored which led to her entering the kitchen and rolling up her sleeves to help in the baking. The shocked look on the faces of the servants made her laugh out loud.

"You all look like you've seen a ghost," she told them as she stood next to Ella at one of the counters.

"I don't think I've ever seen you in here, Miss Scarlett," Lou answered once she wiped the shocked expression from her dark face.

"Well there's always a first time," she replied as she helped Ella roll out dough for cookies.

She was glad she had taken on the task. She had such fun with Ella and even with talking and laughing with Lou and the other girls who worked in the kitchen. It reminded her of the times when she had been a little girl at Tara and had sat in the kitchen watching the work being done and occasionally being given a job of her own to do much to Gerald's dismay. When it was all done and the last batch of cakes, cookies and candies were cooling on racks she and Ella were covered with flour and dough particles.

"I think we both need a bath," she told Ella as she laughed while brushing her hand through her red curls.

"We are pretty messy, aren't we?" Ella answered.

"Yes we are but it was fun wasn't it?"

"Oh yes, I'm glad you helped us mama."

"I'm glad too."

As they climbed the stairs Scarlett noticed a look of deep concentration on Ella's face.

"Is something bothering you, sweetheart?" she asked.

Ella looked up at her, "Can I ask you something mama?"

"Yes go ahead."

"You remember when I went to see Saint Nicholas and I asked him to bring Uncle Rhett home?"

Scarlett nodded, "I remember."

"Well I told him that if he brought Uncle Rhett home he didn't have to bring me any presents."

"Yes; I know you told him that."

Ella's eyes held worry in them, "I want presents, mama."

Scarlett bit back her laughter, "Do you?"

The little girl shook her head, "Yes, do you think he might bring me at least one? I've been good."

When they reached the landing Scarlett knelt down to Ella's level and kissed her forehead.

"I don't think you need to worry darling I'm sure Saint Nicholas will bring you presents."

"You're sure?" Ella questioned hope filling her eyes.

"Yes I'm sure. You know he's at the store and I've gotten to know him well so I told him that I wanted him to bring you gifts regardless if Uncle Rhett was here or not," she explained.

"Really?"

"Of course, you're my little girl Ella I want you to have everything you want."

Ella hugged her tightly, "Uncle Rhett told me that too."

"He told you what sweetheart?

"That I'm his little girl," she answered a bright smile on her face.

A lump grew in her throat, "What else did he tell you?" she asked no longer able to stop herself.

"He said that even though he's not my real daddy he's always loved me like he was and that I'm his little girl just as much as Bonnie was and that no matter what I always will be."

Scarlett smiled, "You'll always be my little girl too Ella, even when your grown up and have babies of your own I'll still think of you as my little girl."

Ella kissed her cheek, "I love you, mama."

"I love you too."

"I'm glad I'm getting presents," she told her mother.

Scarlett laughed, "I'm glad you feel better," she told her as she stood and motioned for Prissy who was standing at the other end of the hall.

"Draw me a bath Prissy and then take Ella and see to hers," Scarlett ordered.

"Yes, Miss Scarlett," she answered.

She felt refreshed after a bath and a change of clothes. She was coming down the stairs to see to dinner preparations when a knock came at the door. She swung open the heavy wood door only to find a policeman holding on to Wade by the back of his collar.

"Gods nightgown!" she cried before the man could even speak. "What have you done now?"

"He was caught breaking a window, Mrs. Butler," The officer told her.

Scarlett gasped, "Who's window was it, officer?

"It was a window in Dr. Meade's home."

Scarlett closed her eyes for a moment and tried to control her temper. "Please tell Dr. Meade to have the window replaced today at any cost and I will pay for it and that I am truly sorry for my son's behavior."

"I'll tell him, Mrs. Butler. I'll release your son to you now and give him a warning," he told Scarlett as he released his hold on Wade's brown jacket collar.

"If I catch him being a vandal again he won't get off so lucky."

Scarlett nodded, "I understand, thank you for bringing him home," she replied as she watched Wade from the corner of her eye walk past her and head up the stairs.

The policeman bid her a good day and left leaving Scarlett to deal with Wade. She clenched her hands in anger and took the stairs in a determined stride. Before she knew it she was standing in front of Wade's closed bedroom door. She swung the door open with force letting it crash against the wall without care. The sound made Wade flinch but he steeled himself against his mother's tirade. He looked at his mother and saw her green eyes blazing and her jaw clenched. A small trickle of old fear slid down his spine but he shook it away.

"It isn't enough that you've become a troublemaker in school but now you have to go out and damage other people's property that I have to pay for and be brought home by the police like common trash!" Scarlett yelled.

Wade said nothing but gave her a sarcastic grin, "I've heard people call you that."

Scarlett's jaw dropped and she fought the urge to cross the room and strike her eldest child. "I don't care what people say about me."

"I know; you don't care about anything."

"That's a lie!" she cried.

"No it isn't!" he shouted back. "You only care about yourself."

"If that was true do you think I would've gone through all the things I did to keep you provided for?"

"You didn't do anything for me! Aunt Melly did."

"For someone who thinks he knows so much you know absolutely nothing Wade."

"You never loved me," he shouted anguish written on his face. "Aunt Melly was the only one who did."

Anger, jealousy and hurt were etched in her eyes.

"If I didn't love you I wouldn't have worried about feeding and clothing you. I wouldn't have worried when you were sick. If I didn't love you I would have handed you over to someone else to raise but I didn't did I? You've been with me since the day you were born haven't you? She asked her voice low and laced with anger.

Wade didn't respond as he sat on the edge of his bed.

"Answer me damn it!" she yelled causing him to jump. "Have you or have you not been with me all your life?"

"Yes," he muttered glaring at her, "But it doesn't prove anything."

Her temper blazed and she grabbed him by his shoulders and dragged him over to the wall where Charles' sword hung. "You think I don't love you? The proof of my love for you has been hanging on your wall staring you in the face for years!"

"That doesn't prove you love me."

"Oh it doesn't? I suppose you think it was Melly who stood before those damn Yankees and demanded they give you back your sword. Is that what you think Wade?"

He didn't answer her as he stared at his father's sword.

"Well is it?" she demanded shaking him a little.

He refused to acknowledge her question as he continued to stare at the sword.

"Fine, I'll tell you how I remember it. I remember being the one who stood in front of those Yankees and demanded they return your sword. I remember the way you cried out when you saw them carrying it away. I remember how I didn't care what they took of mine as long as they didn't take your sword. I allowed them to take the ring your father gave me. I allowed them to take your grandmothers earbobs and anything else they put their filthy hands on but not that sword. I wouldn't let them take away my little boy's pride and joy from him especially when it was all I had to give him. They could've shot me for daring to open my mouth but I did it anyway. Do you remember now Wade? Do you remember your hands digging into my leg as you hide in my skirts? Do you remember me hanging that damn sword back on the wall for you that night so you could sleep easy? Doesn't that count for anything at all? Doesn't anything I've ever done for you count?"

"No," he answered as he wiggled from her grip that had turned painful.

"You're really going to stand there and look me in the face and tell me that?"

"So what you were nice to me once. You were never like Aunt Melly."

"Once!" She exclaimed. "I've been nice to you more than once Wade Hamilton! Let me refresh your memory Wade. It was me who got us home to Tara the night Rhett left us on the side of the road. It was me who gave you my portions of food because I couldn't bear to see you hungry. I was the one who sat up nights by your bed when you were sick and I had no medicine to give you. I was the one praying you'd recover. I was the one out in the fields picking cotton trying to keep a roof over your head. I was the one who had to degrade myself to get the tax money to save Tara. I've been the one who's seen to it that you get the best schooling, the best books, and the best of anything you desire. It's always been me Wade!" she cried.

"Me struggling fighting and trying, it's always been me; not Melanie!"

"I don't care what you did! Aunt Melly was still better than you. She paid attention to me and loved me. I wish you weren't my mother. I wish you had died instead of her. I hate you!" he yelled his young face red with anger.

She flinched as if she had been slapped. For a moment she wished he did have Charles's pistol to shoot her with. Surely a bullet would've been less painful than the words of her only son wishing her dead. It took her a moment to regain her composure.

"How can you say that?" she asked sadly.

"Because it's true. You only care about yourself. Everyone makes fun of me because of you. You don't care about us. You never loved me or Ella or Uncle Rhett and Bonnie. You never loved my father and you never loved Aunt Melly and I don't care what you say because I don't believe you."

"Who's telling you these things?" she asked holding her tears at bay. Surely he didn't think these things up on his own.

"Nobody has to tell me anything," He yelled. "I wish I could go away from here and forget all about you! Everything would be better then!" Wade yelled letting out all the anger he had against his mother.

Her heart had constricted and twisted with his words. "I'm sorry Wade. I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations. I'm sorry I hurt you, I never intended to. I know I haven't been the best mother but I've always tried and I always loved you despite what you think," she told him as she turned to leave the room.

There was nothing more she could say. Like Rhett, Wade had run out of love and forgiveness for her. It seemed she was destined to spend her life full of pain and regret. Wade's voice broke through her thoughts and stopped her before she stepped to the door.

"I want to go with Uncle Rhett when he leaves."

"Do you really think you'd be happier somewhere else?" she asked.

"Yes."

She let out a bitter sigh and turned to face him, "Very well Wade. If you think your life will be better somewhere else than you're free to leave after the holidays. I won't make you stay here if you're so unhappy. If you want to go with Rhett when he leaves and he'll have you, then by all means go with him. If you want to move in with your Aunt Pity; I'll help you pack your things. I'll personally buy your ticket and take you to the train if you want to go north and be with Beau. The choice is yours Wade," she told him as she stared into his brown eyes that snapped with fire that had never been present in his father's eyes.

"I love you but I won't keep you here if you're that unhappy. You may run as far away from me as you like but no matter where you go I'll always be your mother. That's one thing you can't change Wade Hampton. My blood flows through your veins and always will. You may be a Hamilton but you're also an O'Hara whether you like it or not. You think long and hard about what you want to do and we'll discuss it after New Years."

Wade stared at her with disbelief in his eyes as she turned away from him and slammed the door.

In her hurry to escape to her room she barely noticed Rhett by Wade's door. He watched her move swiftly down the hallway and slam her own door as she went inside. He was torn between going to Scarlett and having that serious discussion with Wade. He chose the latter figuring it would do Scarlett good to leave her alone for awhile.

Rhett had been on the street in time to see the policeman drag Wade home from his latest misdeed. He had hurriedly handed Mrs. Meade a generous some of money to repair her broken window and then hurried home, worried that he wouldn't make it before Scarlett killed the boy. He had entered their monstrous home in time to see his petite wife flying up the stairs rage clearly written in her body language.

It looked like talking to Wade couldn't wait until after Christmas. He just hoped it wasn't too late to solve the problems between mother and child.


	13. He Knows When You've Been Bad Or Good

Chapter 12 – He Knows When You've Been Bad Or Good

As Rhett entered Wade's room and closed the door behind him more quietly than Scarlett had. He stood for a moment observing his step-son as he laid on his bed with his hands locked under his head. He was deep in thought and hadn't noticed Rhett's entrance. He would've never expected this boy who he thought of as a son to act this way. Wade had known just how to wound Scarlett and he did it well. Moving into the room he pulled Wade's wooden desk chair around to the bed. Rhett cleared his throat startling the boy from his deep thoughts.

"Hello, Uncle Rhett," he greeted him as though nothing had gone wrong today.

"I heard you had a bit of trouble today son," he replied casually.

Wade nodded, "Just a little."

Rhett scoffed, "Being hauled home by a policeman is more than a little trouble."

"I didn't break the window on purpose."

"Somehow I doubt that given your recent behavior."

He shrugged, "Mother can pay for it."

"Think again, Wade. I paid for that window and you will be paying me back every cent."

"How!" Wade exclaimed

"We'll discuss that later right now were going to talk about the mother you hate and wished dead, now sit up and face me like the man you think you are," Rhett told him harshly.

He quickly came to a seated position and looked at Rhett with determination in his eyes. It was a look Rhett was familiar with; over the course of their marriage he had often encountered it in Scarlett's eyes.

"I've never laid a hand on you before Wade but I was damn close to doing it when I heard you speaking to your mother that way."

"You say mean things to her all the time."

The remark caught Rhett off guard and he was at a loss for words for a moment. It all suddenly became clear, Wade knew how to wound his mother so well because he had learned from the master of cruelty. He had grown up watching Rhett taunt, tease and belittle Scarlett and he had adapted it to his own behavior. He never realized before how his behavior had affected the young impressionable minds around him.

"Just because I've done something doesn't give you permission to do it. Yes I have said cruel hateful things to your mother but they aren't things I'm proud of."

"She deserved them," he answered.

Rhett shook his head, "No, Scarlett hasn't deserved half of the things I've said to her and she sure as hell didn't deserve the things you just said to her."

"Everything I said to her was true."

"Was it? Are you saying that your mother lies when she says how she struggled to raise you on her own during the war?"

"Aunt Melly took care of me. She always had time for me."

Rhett leaned back in his chair, "I suppose she did have a lot of time to give you. She didn't have to worry about feeding you and keeping you alive. She didn't have to worry about providing for her own child as long as she was under your mother's roof."

Anger flared in his eyes, "She loved me."

"So does your mother. I respect your Aunt Melly a great deal. I know you and Ella were very close to her but you have to understand that your mother had a lot of weight on her shoulders when you were a small child. Your Aunt Melly wasn't able to work in the fields with Scarlett. She wasn't able to be much help at all. Taking care of you was the least she could do Wade, especially with your mother supporting her and Beau."

"Mother was always terrible to everyone back then," the boy argued.

Rhett leaned forward brining his face closer to Wade's, "If you had to deal with what she had to you wouldn't be a ray of sunshine either. She fled Atlanta for the safety of home only to find your grandmother dead, your grandfather out of his mind with grief. Your aunts Suellen and Carren were sick with typhoid. The house had been looted by the Yankees and only a few faithful servants remained. They all looked to your mother to take control. She had to feed them, to nurse them, to keep a roof over everyone's head. She had the constant worry of soldiers coming to burn the place to the ground and taking every scrap she had with them. She had to keep the crops going; she had to do everything on her own. She was still a young girl then Wade. She wasn't given the time she needed to finish growing up. All of that was on her shoulders by the age of twenty."

Wade diverted his glance but didn't respond.

"Do you remember the day the Yankees came and tried to take your sword?"

"Yes," he murmured.

"Your mother got it back for you didn't she?"

"Yes."

"What happened that night after everything had settled down? Did your mother come to you that night?"

Wade nodded.

"Tell me," Rhett demanded.

"She came to put me to bed. The sword was on the floor. I wanted it hung back up but I knew she was tired so I didn't ask her to put it up, but when she came in, I was sitting on the floor with it. She picked it up and put it back on the wall."

"Didn't she say anything to you?"

He looked to the ceiling not wanting to remember her soothing words that night when he wanted nothing more than to hate her.

"What did she say?" Rhett asked again

The memory came to him vividly as if it had happened last week instead of when he was a little boy.

_He watched as she carefully picked up his fathers sword and re-hung it on the hooks Pork had found when she had given it to him_. _She was quiet as she made sure it was secured and then she turned back to him and knelt down while she held out her arms. He went into her embrace willingly. Her hair still smelled like smoke and he could see the small angry red burns on her skin. She held him for a long time, brushing her fingers through his wavy hair all the while saying nothing. When she pulled back from him she pressed a kiss to his forehead._

"_I don't want you to worry, Wade. I won't ever let anyone hurt you, you know that right?" she asked_

"_Yes, mother."_

"_You were my brave boy today."_

"_I was scared," he whispered._

"_I know. I was scared too."_

"_You didn't look scared, mother"_

_She laughed softly, "Well I didn't want those damn Yankees to know I was afraid."_

"_Are they going to come back?" he asked worry in his face._

_She picked him up and carried him to the rocking chair that sat near the fireplace. When he was cradled on her lap she began to speak again._

"_I don't know if they're coming back, Wade. I hope not but no matter what I will protect you. I won't let anything happen to you and I won't let them take your fathers sword from you either."_

"_I'm glad they gave it back."_

"_Me too darling, if we ever hear of them coming back that's one of the first things we are going to hide."_

_He smiled at her and then laid his head on her chest, her heartbeat soothing him as she began to sing softly while she rocked him. _

"Sounds like she was taking care of you that night," Rhett replied when he finished recounting the memory.

Wade shrugged, "There were a lot of times when she was mean to me."

"I don't think she wanted to be mean intentionally, Wade. Like I told you she had a lot of stress on her. One day your mother was the belle of Clayton County and the next she was struggling to survive in a world that had been turned upside down. You can't hold that against her all your life."

"I can if I want to," he answered.

"I believe you and I are guilty of the same thing as everyone else. We seem to think that Scarlett came out of the war unscathed but she didn't. That fear is always lurking deep inside her. She's always worried that you'll go hungry again. She worries that if she doesn't have enough money you and Ella will suffer. That's why she continues to work so hard. She doesn't want you to go through that again."

Once again he was ignored. Wade was as stubborn as Scarlett it seemed. Rhett sighed; this wasn't going to be easy.

"Besides those days of war are there any other grievances you have with your mother?"

"Yes."

"Lets here them."

"Do you know that she drinks?" Wade asked hoping to shock his step-father.

"Yes, I've always know. I wasn't aware that you knew," he answered trying to hide his surprise at this topic.

"Well I do know," he replied bitterly. "I'm not a stupid little child like Ella."

"Your sister isn't stupid and you're not as grown up as you seem to think. Now why don't you tell me how you know about Scarlett's little habit," Rhett stated as the pieces of the puzzle began to fill in.

"I went downstairs late one night and I saw her in the dining room. She was drunk and crying the whole decanter was empty," he told him disgust evident in his voice.

"Why were you downstairs that night, Wade?"

"I was looking for her. She wasn't in her room."

"What did you want from this woman that you hate that night that led you to discover her that way?"

Wade hesitated before answering. "I wanted to tell her the real reason I'd gotten in trouble in school that day."

"Why did you get trouble?"

"I pushed one of the boys down while we were outside that day and Mr. Pembroke sent home a note to mother and I lied to her about why I did it."

"And this lie was bothering you and keeping you awake that night" Rhett answered.

"Yes."

"Why did you push the boy that day, Wade?"

"He was talking about mother."

"Go on, what did he say?"

"He said that she wasn't a lady, that it was no wonder you left us. He said his mother told him that my mother was trash and that Ella and I were going to be trash too."

Rhett felt anger well up in his chest as he thought of people teaching their children to judge someone they didn't even know.

"What did you tell your mother?" he asked quietly.

"I told her I did it because he teased Ella."

"Were you punished?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She said she couldn't punish me for being a good brother."

"Why didn't you tell her the truth?"

"I didn't want her to cry. I heard her crying at night sometimes and I didn't want to make her even sadder."

"But you don't seem to mind making her cry now."

"That's because I know now that it's all true."

"Where are you getting your information, Wade?"

"Why do you think anyone's telling me anything?" he asked

"I've know you since you were a baby Wade, you've always loved and respected your mother. For you to have this big of a turn around on your feelings for her I'd say you had some help. You obviously still had affection for her when you defended her to a school bully so who changed your mind?"

Rhett watched the emotions play across the boy's face as he debated telling Rhett his secret. He was as transparent as his mother Rhett thought to himself as he watched Wade silently make his decision to be open with him.

"I've been talking to Uncle Ashley's sister India when I visit Aunt Pitty," Wade told him.

"India Wilkes," Rhett said aloud somewhat astounded.

"Yes," Wade answered; "Did you know that she's my father's cousin, Uncle Rhett?"

"Yes; I believe your mother mentioned that to me," he answered. "But Wade you might not want to be so quick to believe everything India tells you."

"Why?" asked Wade

"Your cousin India and your mother haven't exactly seen eye to eye over the years," Rhett answered. He hoped India had a fast escape route out of town when Scarlett found out she was the one poisoning her son's mind.

"That's only because Mother has always been nasty to her just like she is to everyone she knows."

"In your mothers defense I can honestly say that I've never seen or heard her do anything to Miss Wilkes except defend herself from the malicious gossip she likes to spread."

Wade ignored his comment. "India told me all about how mother never loved my father and that she made him marry her instead of the girl he was supposed to marry."

Rhett laughed, "My boy I can assure you that your father married your mother of his own accord. I was there the day they became engaged and at no moment during that fateful day did I see your mother pull out a pistol and put it to your father's head and tell him, 'Charles Hamilton you're going to marry me immediately or I'm going to shoot you here and now'."

Wade scowled, "India said she was horrible to him."

"I don't believe your parents were married long enough for her to have been horrible to him Wade. According to your mother they had only been married for two months when he died and the majority of that time he spent in the army camp in South Carolina."

Wade looked away still stubbornly hanging onto to what India had said.

"Your mother must not have been too unkind to him she did give him a son after all."

"She doesn't care about me."

"I'm not going into that again Wade. Is that something else Miss Wilkes has enlightened you with?"

"All she cares about is the store and the mills when she used to run them and Miss India told me how Aunt Melly had to take care of me and Ella because she wouldn't."

"And you know that's a lie. Your mother had to work Wade and you became attached to Melly more than her and she didn't know how to change that. It doesn't mean that she didn't love you."

"I don't believe you."

Rhett nodded, "You don't have to; you are your own man now and can believe what you want, but do tell me what else you've discovered from Miss India."

"She told me Mother was nothing but a trollop and that she chased uncle Ashley and tried to make him leave Aunt Melly for her!" the boy exclaimed outraged.

Rhett straightened in his chair and leaned his face close to Wade's and gripped his shoulder tightly, "Don't ever let me hear you say that word in relation to your mother again for if you do I will take a strap to you Wade Hamilton, do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," he replied quietly fear in his eyes.

Anger coursed through Rhett. "India Wilkes should be throttled for telling a young boy such things," he though to himself. "What else did she say?" he asked.

"She told me how she caught them in the lumber office and how right after that you took Bonnie away for a long time because you knew mother was guilty even though she had Aunt Melly telling everyone it was just a misunderstanding."

"It was a misunderstanding Wade and when I left with Bonnie it wasn't over that incident but something else that happened between your mother and I that is none of your business."

"Everyone knows that's why you left," Wade shot back

"Everyone in this town is severely misinformed," Rhett answered his voice angry.

"Everyone talks about her. Everyone hates her and they hate me because I'm her son."

Finally the truth was coming out. "Is that why you've been doing the things you've done?"

"Yes. I want to hate her too. If I hate her I'll be like everyone else and then maybe I'll have friends again. Maybe I won't get made fun of if they know I don't like her either."

"You think that getting into fights and being thrown out of school makes people see you in a different light from your mother? All that does is make you look even worse and do even more damage to your mother's image as well as yours."

"I wanted to make her mad."

"Why?"

"Because I'm mad at her."

"Tell me the reason that you're angry with her for. The real ones not the bunch of garbage India Wilkes has been filling your head with."

"I'm mad at her because she's different from all the other boy's mothers. I'm mad at her because she made you go away!" he exclaimed.

Once again he was at the root of the problem. "Scarlett didn't make me leave Wade. I left because I wanted to."

"No you didn't. She treated you badly and you left. I'm not stupid. I heard the fights. I know that's why you went away."

"No, that isn't it Wade. I admit your mother hasn't always treated me the way I wanted to be treated but I haven't always treated her the way I should have either. Scarlett isn't the only one to blame, I'm to blame too. I helped make her the way she is; I helped ruin her reputation in society. You need to place some of your anger at my doorstep Wade; I'm not innocent in this matter."

Wade didn't like this turn of the conversation. "Can I go with you when you leave after the holidays Uncle Rhett? Mother said I could if it's alright with you."

Rhett leaned back in his chair, "What makes you think I'm leaving after the holiday?"

Wade scoffed, "Everyone knows you're only here for Christmas."

"Once again the good citizen's of Atlanta are misinformed. I'm in no hurry to leave Atlanta and I don't plan on doing so anytime soon so you may want to rethink your escape plan". Rhett smiled as he saw the boy give a disgusted look. He wasn't sure if what he had just told the boy was true or not but he wanted Wade to have to get him out of his mind as a way to escape his mother.

"You hurt your mother pretty badly today when you wished her dead," Rhett told him when he remained silent.

"I know."

"I remember the day Bonnie was born and how you were afraid that your mother was dying and that know one was telling you. Do you remember that?"

"I remember."

"You know one day she will die, Wade, hopefully that won't be for a very long time but it will happen and then how will you feel when she's no longer there."

He saw tears of realization build in the boy's eyes.

"When that day comes you'll remember all the good things and then you'll remember this day and how you told her you wished she had died and that guilt will stay with you and eat at you for the rest of your life. "

"I didn't mean it Uncle Rhett," he whispered.

"I hope you didn't but you can't take back those words. She'll always remember them. You hurt her in a way that she may never forget. Words hurt Wade, I should know I used them often enough to wound her," he told him as he rose from his chair.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to. I suggest you think about the things you've been doing Wade and the effect they've had on you and your mother. Forget about what people have told you about her; think about the things you know. Think of everything she's done for you, of all she wants to do for you. See if you can remember the love you had for her before you allowed outsiders to get inside your head."

He stopped at the door for a moment and looked back at him, "You know your mother is a strong woman but she isn't unbreakable."

"Do you think I broke her Uncle Rhett?" Wade asked.

"Not all on your own. War, Death, Society, You and I have all had an equal share in breaking Scarlett O'Hara Butler."

With that said Rhett left the room. He didn't know if his talk with Wade had been successful but at least he knew now what was bothering him and he hoped he had saved Scarlett's tattered reputation in some way. As he walked away from Wade's room he realized that in trying to make Wade understand Scarlett he had begun to understand her himself and suddenly he realized that he had been very unfair to her as well over the years. He'd have to talk to his wife tonight, and he had a feeling it was going to be a long conversation, one in which he'd most likely have to do some apologizing of his own.


	14. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

Authors Note: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry about the delay.

Chapter 13 – It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

When Rhett entered the dining room for dinner that evening he found only Ella seated at the table.

"It looks like it's just the two of us tonight Ella," he told her as he sat down at the head of the table.

She nodded as she starred down at her plate.

"Why don't you come and sit in your mother's chair so you're not so far away," said Rhett as he stood and pulled out Scarlett's chair for her.

"Isn't she coming down?" Ella asked.

He thought of an excuse quickly, "No, she has a headache and she's lying down. I'll have a tray sent up to her."

Ella picked up her plate and silverware and moved into Scarlett's place.

"What about Wade?"

"He'll be eating in his room. He's up there thinking about his behavior," he answered as he took his seat again.

"Wade isn't very nice anymore," Ella told him as there meal was served.

"I know. He has some problems he needs to work out. I'm sure they'll pass in time though."

"I don't think he likes me anymore," she answered.

"Your brother doesn't like much of anything or anybody right now. It doesn't really have anything to do with you though Ella, he may have taken his anger out on you at times but it wasn't because of anything you've done to him it's just how boys are."

She seemed to consider his statement as she ate.

"Do you have a sister Uncle Rhett?"

"Yes I do. Her name is Rosemary."

"Were you mean to her when you were a boy?" she asked.

"No my sister is much younger than me. We didn't grow up together like you and Wade."

"She must've been lucky," Ella answered an envious look on her face.

Rhett laughed, "Why do you say that?"

"She didn't have to grow up with a mean brother."

He smiled at her and reached over to give one of her red curls a gentle tug. He wouldn't tell her that while Rosemary escaped the antics of brothers who could be mean she wasn't fortunate enough to escape having a mean father.

"Perhaps one day you can meet my sister and you can tell her how lucky she is," he told her instead.

"I'd like that," she answered. She continued eating and he thought that perhaps her questions had ended.

"Were you ever mean to your mother?" she asked.

He should've seen that one coming but had missed it. "No, I've always tried to treat my mother with love and respect."

"Wade is mean to Mama."

"I know and I intend to put a stop to that."

"I'm glad, sometimes he makes her cry and that makes me sad," she told him her face full of honesty.

"Everything will be alright Ella," he said quietly hoping to reassure her.

She smiled at him and returned to her meal. He studied her as she began to eat her desert.

Ella had too many worries for an eight year old girl. He didn't know how she coped with everything that had been thrown at her. She had lost her sister, her aunt, and he had walked out of her life without even saying goodbye. Her brother was out of control and she lived with the fear that her mother would be the next one to leave her. How a child that young could cope with all of that and still have spirit and the capacity to exhibit love, compassion and forgiveness was beyond him. She must have inherited Scarlett's resilience along with those green eyes.

Rhett made it a priority to spend time with her after dinner. He listened to her stories, answered her questions. He played endless games with her and read to her, wanting to give her some measure of the affection that he had denied her over the past year. When he sent her off with Prissy to get ready for bed he knew that the time was drawing close for him to speak to Scarlett. He debated in his mind how to tell her the things he had discovered while talking to Wade. The straightforward approach seemed best he figured even if it meant she'd hurt a little more hearing it. He could soothe her hurt feelings; at least he hoped he could. As he climbed the stairs he had mixed emotions about their impending conversation. In some ways he dreaded it and in other ways he welcomed it. Here before him was another opportunity for them to get some things out in the open.

As he reached the hallway he saw Scarlett in her doorway hugging Ella. He walked up to them just in time to hear them say their goodnights. As Ella stepped away from her mother he swung her up into his arms.

"Miss Ella, do I have your permission to tuck you in tonight?" he asked smiling at her.

She giggled, "Alright Uncle Rhett."

He looked at Scarlett who gave him a grateful look. "I'll be back to see you in a few minutes," he told her.

She nodded and kissed her daughter's cheek once more. "Goodnight Ella," she whispered.

"Goodnight Mama."

He heard Scarlett's door shut quietly as he carried Ella down the hall. After she was in bed for the night he made his way back to Scarlett's room. He entered without knocking and found her in an armchair waiting for him. As he positioned the other chair so that he would be facing her he took in her appearance. Her face was pale and her eyes were red and puffy and for the first time since he had known her defeat shimmered in them. The soft pink color of her nightgown looked much to cheerful on the forlorn woman wearing it. She had her legs folded and drawn up in the chair with her as if she were trying to make herself as small as possible.

"Are you alright Scarlett?" he asked softly as he allowed his fingers to brush her cheek before sitting down.

"No," she answered, her voice betraying her inner turmoil.

"I talked to Wade."

She looked down at her hands, "It probably didn't do any good; he's already made up his mind about me."

"I think he had some help in that area," Rhett answered.

"What do you mean," she asked her eyes returning to his face.

"Has Wade been visiting Aunt Pitty a good bit lately?"

She looked at him oddly, "Yes, I make him go at least once a week to see her seeing as how she doesn't have much family left anymore. But surely you aren't suggesting that Aunt Pitty is filling Wade's head with nonsense, she wouldn't dare."

"No, Aunt Pitty wouldn't dare, she'd faint before she could ever form the thought but there is someone else in that house who would."

Scarlett thought over his statement for a moment and then her eyes grew wide and anger marred her features.

"India," she stated with venom in her voice.

Rhett nodded, "Seems she's had a lot to say to our boy lately."

"What did she tell him?" Scarlett demanded.

"You name it she told it, with embellishment of course."

"I'm going to kill her this time!" Scarlett seethed as she got up from her chair.

Rhett grabbed her wrist, "Where are you going?"

"Where do you think I'm going! I'm going to get dressed and then I'm going to go give India Wilkes a piece of my mind!" she exclaimed.

He pulled her back down into her chair, "You're not going anywhere tonight."

She clenched her fists and leaned back into her chair. "How could she do that Rhett?

"She did it because she's a bitter, jealous person whose only pleasure in life is hurting others."

Sadness washed over her face once more and he braced himself for her reaction to the next topic he was going to bring up.

"Was the night Wade caught you drinking the night you decided to quit?" he asked bluntly.

Shame flickered in her eyes and she looked at him sharply.

"Are you happy that you know now, Rhett? Is your curiosity eased? Did you have yourself a good laugh about it?" she asked tartly.

"I didn't find anything about it remotely funny, Scarlett. As for my curiosity, yes it is eased. Why didn't you just tell me my dear?"

She gave a short laugh, "Because I knew what you would say."

"And what pray tell would that have been?"

"You would have reminded me that people who drink alone get caught."

"I suppose that turned out to be true after all," he replied.

"I suppose it did."

"Why were you drinking so heavily that night Scarlett?"

"You really want to know?" she asked the iciness of her voice sending a chill down his spine.

Rhett nodded but kept quiet.

"Fine, we had just returned from spending a long weekend at Tara. It was late the night we got back and the children had school the next morning so I didn't touch my desk that night The next morning I got them off to school and I went to the store, it seemed to be an ordinary day until I got home and found out Wade had been in trouble at school that day. I dealt with that and then I finally sat down to sort the mail. There was a large brown envelope at the bottom of the pile and inside it were divorce papers along with a note from my husband telling me not to contact him anymore."

Her answer was like a slap in his face. "And that's what drove you to drink an entire decanter of brandy that night?"

"Yes, you see divorce papers weren't the gift I had expected for Valentines Day. If I had been able to stand without assistance I would've went looking for the second decanter. That's why I was crying when Wade found me. I knew that along with ruining all of our lives that I had drank too much and wasn't going to be able to get back to my room on my own. I'll never forget how ashamed I felt as my son had to help me up the stairs and the look of total disgust on his face."

"Scarlett, I don't see how you received those papers on Valentine's Day, I sent them out in mid January."

"I don't give a damn when you sent them out that is when I got them. I guess I should consider myself lucky that they showed up when they did. It could've been a month later for my birthday."

"I'm sorry, Scarlett."

"No your not, you wanted to hurt me and you did."

"Seems like were always hurting each other aren't we?" he asked regretfully.

"Yes and now my son has joined in."

"I realized today that he's learned that from me," Rhett replied.

"You've noticed that too?" she asked

Confusion reigned on his dark features, "What do you mean by that my pet?"

"I mean that Charles Hamilton is his father but that doesn't keep him from acting like you."

"I thought we established that he acted like you," Rhett answered.

"In some ways maybe he does but there have been times when I've looked at him lately and could swear it's you looking back at me. He has all your sarcastic grins and evil looks down pat," she told him.

"Scarlett, I want you to know that I never wanted Wade to grow up to be like me. I never thought for a minute that the things he saw go on between us would become a part of him. I don't want him to think that it's alright to treat his wife the way I've treated you."

Silence hung in the air as she tried not to make too much out of a simple statement. It seemed too much to hope that he was actually admitting to treating her badly.

"I would have never accused you of purposely setting a bad example for my children, Rhett. I have always been grateful that you loved them and gave them your time and affection, even before we were married. A lot of men wouldn't have done that. They wouldn't have wanted to be burdened with other men's children."

"I can assure you that Wade and Ella were never a burden to me. I love them, Scarlett and I…" he trailed off briefly almost revealing too much. "I am truly sorry for the way I've treated you over the course of our marriage."

"I'm sorry too, Rhett," she whispered. "I've wanted so badly to tell you how sorry I am for so long but you don't want to hear it."

He held up a hand to silence her, "I don't think tonight's the time for it either my pet. We have other matters to discuss."

She bit the inside of her cheek until the metallic taste of blood touched her tongue as she willed away the emotions welling up at his refusal to listen. When she felt as though she were strong enough to open her mouth without sobbing she asked him "What other matters?"

"Wade is angry with you," he told her.

She scoffed, "That's hardly a news flash, Rhett."

"Alright so I worded it wrong. He's angry that he doesn't fit in because of your less than sterling reputation," he replied.

"You were the one who told me I could do with out one. I guess you were finally wrong about something."

He ignored the statement. "It seems the parents of his classmates make it a point of letting their feelings about you and your family be known."

"And what feelings might they be, Rhett?" she asked quietly.

"They tell their children that you aren't a lady, that you're trashy and that your children will grow up to be the same."

She closed her eyes for a moment. God how she wanted a drink but she had gone to long without one to start up again now. The words rang in her mind and evoked memories of a time that seemed long ago.

"It seems they are of the same opinion of me as you are, Rhett. You've told me time and again that I wasn't a lady and you did your damndest to vilify me with much success while you became a saint for Bonnie's sake."

He was taken aback slightly as her green eyes darkened and bitterness poured from them.

"You did your fair share of painting yourself to be a villain, my dear."

"Did I, Rhett? I wouldn't have known how to do it without you showing me the way."

"It isn't my fault that you chose to consort with undesirable people."

"You were the one who introduced me to them!"

He shrugged, "You could have changed with me."

She laughed, "We both know women aren't as easily forgiven as men. I was already hated for marrying you. I defended you and stood by you every time someone told me not to do it. Then you turn around and lick their boots all the while claiming it was for Bonnie while you held my head under water to keep me down. But it wasn't for Bonnie was it, Rhett? It was really for you and we both know it."

His mouth tightened into a thin line and he found himself falling into the old habit of looking for something to wound her with but he stopped himself. That cycle had been going on for far too long. Her words stung him, as truth always did. Sure his quest for respectability had started for Bonnie's sake but then it had became about him, about hurting Scarlett. Like Wade he had also wanted to be on the opposing side leaving her on her own to be eaten alive for misdeeds she had done rather they be real or imagined. He could tell by the way she was holding herself that she was prepared for the backlash.

"You're right, Scarlett. It was about me and I purposely used it to hurt you with as revenge for your childish infatuation with Ashley Wilkes."

"Did you ever think that perhaps if you hadn't hidden everything from me, if you had treated me better and shown me I had what I wanted that maybe I would've gotten over it sooner?"

He stared at her for a moment, "As a matter of fact I have thought of that."

"It's too bad you didn't act upon it instead of just thinking about it."

He nodded, "I guess that's one more thing I owe you an apology for, Scarlett."

"What does it matter now?" she muttered.

He allowed the statement to go unanswered. "That was a good bluff you gave Wade. You might have made a good poker player after all, Scarlett."

"It wasn't a bluff, Rhett," she replied as she rose from her chair and began to pace.

"Come now, Scarlett, you can't be serious. You're not really going to let Wade leave home."

"If he wants to go I won't hold him here," she replied.

"Your not thinking clearly my pet, you can't let him leave."

"Why not? Everyone leaves me eventually, Rhett" she said with such an achingly sadness that he felt her pain radiating in his own heart.

"Scarlett," he began to say.

"It's the truth, Rhett. Bonnie and the baby are gone. Melly's gone. My parents are gone. They all went before their time and left me here."

"They didn't leave you on purpose, honey," he said softly as his eyes followed her.

"It doesn't matter if it wasn't by choice. It still hurts. Look at all the boys of Clayton County, they're all gone too. Sweet young boys that I knew since I was a baby. Boys that I danced with, that tried to steal kisses from me, they were my friends. They went off to war and never came back. That still hurts me. I think of how none of it should've ever happened, how they should be living the lives they were meant to have with their children growing up alongside mine but it wasn't meant to be."

He had never heard her speak so elegantly and he was moved by her words. 'I'm sorry that you lost so much in that war, Scarlett."

"Even Mammy has abandoned me. She went home to Tara to stay and every time I go there to visit I see the disappointment in her eyes when she looks at me. She doesn't even say much to me anymore and I can't bear it."

"I'm sure she still loves you, Scarlett," he told her trying to soothe her feelings.

"I'm not sure there's anyone in this world who loves me anymore with the exception of Ella."

"You know that's not true."

"I have no proof otherwise."

He remained quiet waiting for her to continue figuring it best to let her get it all out.

"A few weeks ago you told me to hold on to Ella for she was all I had and I find myself taking that advice. She fears me leaving her as much as I fear the day when she too will turn against me and shut me out of her life leaving me a bitter old woman living a lonely life filled with regrets and mistakes no one could find forgiveness for."

She hadn't realized that she was crying. The tears dripped from her cheeks without notice until Rhett came to where she stood in the center of the room and wiped them away with his thumbs.

"That won't happen, Scarlett," he whispered.

"Won't it? What makes you so sure that it won't happen?"

Taking her face in his hands he locked his eyes on hers, "Because I know you, you'll fight for what you want. That's all you have to do my dear, you just have to fight like you always have."

She pulled away from him and began to pace once more. "I'm tired, Rhett. I'm so very tired of the fighting, the begging, the crying, the apologizing, and the pain. I feel old before my time. Some mornings I wake up and expect to see an old woman looking back at me in the mirror."

A sob choked her, "I lay awake at night and think of the years ahead of me, how empty and lonely they will be."

"You'll have your children, Scarlett."

She shook her head, "Not forever, they'll leave me too. Wade's already half way out the door and before I know it Ella will be grown and she'll marry and start a family of her own. She won't want her mother around interfering."

"I doubt that," he replied.

Ignoring him she went on, "And then there is you."

"What about me?"

"Once you're free you'll find some respectable mild mannered woman to marry and you'll have a family with her and the knowledge of it will make me die a little more inside."

The thought unnerved him. He couldn't imagine having children with anyone but Scarlett. He couldn't imagine anyone but Scarlett as his wife. He wasn't even sure he wanted to imagine it.

"I don't intend to marry again, Scarlett."

"Do you think I set out to be married three times, Rhett? Life isn't something you intend, it's something that just happens."

"That's very profound my pet," he answered.

"Don't mock me!" she cried.

'I'm not mocking you, I'm just surprised at well you put it."

"I'm not stupid Rhett. I have been to school you know."

"I know you have intelligence, Scarlett, it's just that you so seldom use it."

Fire flared in her eyes, "The same could be said for you."

He grinned, "I'm certain there are plenty of people out there to attest to the truth of that statement my pet, so I'll concede that battle to you."

She grew quiet as she sat on the foot of the bed. Her head was lowered and he saw for the first time how weighted down she looked. 'She isn't unbreakable' the words replayed in his mind. He could sense that there was still more on her mind and remained silent as he waited for it to be unleashed. Finally she raised her head and looked at him.

"You left me, Rhett. You wouldn't even let me try to be the woman you wanted. You wouldn't even let me explain. All the years of accusing me of crying for the moon and then when you can have me you don't want me, isn't that the same thing? I trusted you Rhett. You said as long as you were here I'd be safe but then you walked away and everything came crashing down and you weren't here to help pick me up. You broke every promise you made to me the night you left me. The one person I counted on most and he walked out the door saying he didn't give a damn."

"What do you want me to say, Scarlett?" he asked her vulnerability cracking some of the ice around his heart.

"I want you to say you're sorry, Rhett. I want you to say it and mean it. I want you to say that over the last fourteen months you've suffered like me; tell me you shed a tear for me... for us. Tell me you missed me. Tell me my face haunted your dreams and kept you awake at night like yours did to me. Say you thought of me with happiness or at least fondness even when it hurt to do so. Tell me that you mourned for us, for what had been and what might have been," she stated with such conviction and passion that it almost overwhelmed him.

He swallowed a lump that had grown in his throat. "I am sorry, Scarlett. I have suffered although I'm sure you've suffered more. I have missed you, even when I was certain that I hated you, you still lingered in my soul haunting me refusing to let go. I've thought of you with fondness, with amusement, with anguish, anger, joy, desire, need and yes, Scarlett, I have mourned for us, for what we had and lost and for what could have been. I hurt you. I hurt Wade and Ella and I hurt me and the guilt will live with me for the rest of my life."

She wiped away the tears that fallen and took his words to heart hoping they would soothe some of the ache that lied there. "Thank you, Rhett."

He nodded unsure of what to say to her now. He briefly wondered if his apology would cause her to beg him to stay or if she would use it against him to trap him somehow. He shook away the thoughts as he studied her. She was no longer a woman given to those tactics. This was a woman who had finally accepted defeat and wouldn't lower herself further by begging.

"How much is one woman supposed to take?" she whispered her gaze locked on his as if she had read his thoughts.

"I don't know honey, but I think you've had more than your fair share."

"At least we can both agree on that," she replied quietly.

There was a topic that she wanted to broach but she wasn't sure if she should. But on the other hand if she didn't ask it would bother her forever.

"Rhett," she said softly.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"If you want," he replied.

"Why did you walk away from me the other night?" she asked nervously.

"What?" he replied surprised by her question.

"Why did you walk away from me the other night?" she repeated. "You kept kissing me and then you pushed me away like I had the plague."

He chuckled lightly, "Trust me Scarlett, the plague was the last thing I was thinking of that night."

"What were you thinking of?" she questioned.

He stared at her for what seemed to be a long time. Her eyes were bright from crying, her cheeks still streaked with tears. Her black hair tumbled freely down her back and the simple nightgown she wore hadn't been made to be appealing and yet he found himself drawn to her. He quickly made a decision and hoped they wouldn't regret it.

When he crossed the room toward the door she thought that perhaps she had stepped over the invisible line between them and that he was leaving. The sound of lock turning filled her ears and the sight of him taking long strides to cross the room to where she sat caused her heart to begin pounding. He knelled before her and pushed his hands into the sides of her hair. She could barely breathe from his close proximity.

"I could tell you what I was thinking but I'd much rather show you, if that's alright with you," he whispered his voice giving away the desire he felt.

Before she could even form a response his lips were upon hers and her mind and heart were waging war inside her. Should she stop this? She wondered as his hands slipped from her hair and moved down her back. She didn't want to stop it that was for sure. She had been so starved for affection, so lonely that she wanted nothing more than to let Rhett take it all away even if it was only for a night. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck and his hands roamed over her. It all felt so right as she allowed her fingers to caress his face. The deal entered her mind briefly. She felt as though she were safe on that aspect. He had started it so surely he couldn't use it against her.

She'd hate herself in the morning, she was sure of that but that wouldn't be anything different than any other day she reasoned. There would be consequences she was sure, but there was always tomorrow to think about that wasn't there? His voice broke into her thoughts.

"You're thinking too much, Scarlett," he whispered his mouth brushing across her ear.

He was right. She was thinking too much she thought to herself as she felt the soft cotton of her nightgown sliding up her legs as her hands fell to the buttons on his shirt. She was going to have one last night with Rhett Butler and let the chips fall where they may.


	15. Twas The Night Before Christmas

Authors Note: I can't thank you guys enough for your reviews, they make my day. I can't believe I have 75 reviews! I never expected that. I wanted this chapter to be up sooner but it was being as stubborn as Rhett Butler himself so I apologize for the delay.

Chapter 14 – Twas The Night Before Christmas

December 24, 1874

"I've ruined everything," she thought to herself as she lay with her head on his chest, the rhythm of his heart beat drumming in her ear. How could she have let those three little words slip? She had sworn to him that she wouldn't say them; she had staked her children's happiness on it. Scarlett figured that the only reason he was still lying in her bed was because she was draped across him, preventing him from moving. She felt her eyes filling and she squeezed her them shut and swallowed hard in effort to keep the tears away. One rebellious teardrop escaped however and landed on Rhett's skin. She had thought he was asleep. His voice broke through the silence startling her.

"Don't cry, Scarlett," he whispered as he stroked her hair.

"I broke the deal," she answered not daring to look at him.

"No you didn't; I started this."

"But I said I love you, Rhett. Part of the deal was that I'd make no unwanted declarations and if I did then…" not wanting to finish the statement she stopped herself.

"I know what you said, Scarlett."

"What are you going to do?" she asked afraid that she already knew the answer.

"Look at me," he demanded.

Slowly she raised her head and met his eyes.

"I told you I'd stay here through the New Year and that's what I'm going to do."

"But what about…"

"Stop, Scarlett," he interrupted. "I'm not going to hold something that you said in the heat of the moment against you."

"I meant what I said, Rhett," she replied figuring as long as the final nail was in the coffin she may as well pound it down.

"I know you meant it."

"But you aren't going to leave?" she asked

"Do you really think that I'm so terrible of a person that I'd get up on the morning of Christmas Eve and demand your signature on divorce papers and then leave the three of you with Christmas hours away?"

"I can never tell what you'll do, Rhett," she answered honestly.

Her words bruised him but he knew that what she said was true. He had made it a point to keep her from knowing what he'd do from one moment to the next.

"I promise you I'm going to keep my word ,Scarlett."

"You're sure?" she asked

"Yes, now quit worrying and go to sleep. I'll still be here in the morning," he replied.

She lowered her head back down to his chest and closed her eyes forcing herself to trust him. Listening to his heart beat while his fingers brushed through her hair she was lulled to sleep.

* * *

When she woke the next morning she reached for Rhett. When her hand came into contact with the cool material of the sheets her eyes shot open. He was gone.

"You lying bastard," she murmured as she sat up holding the sheet around her and pulling her knees up to her chest. It was an all too familiar scene that brought back memories of a similar morning years ago. Bile rose in her throat as she thought of where he had been on that occasion. She swallowed hard forcing back the sickness. She couldn't bear it if he had done that to her again. The early morning sunlight filtered through the curtains making her head pound a little harder. Her heart was already raw and his absence was another blow to it. Would she never learn? She wandered as the stillness of the room overwhelmed her. She had told herself last night that she'd let the chips fall where they may but she hadn't taken into consideration the fact that her husband always ran from her and the way she felt when he did. She hated feeling used and unworthy of his presence in the morning. A knock came at her door sparring her from darker thoughts.

"Who is it?" she asked making an effort to keep her tone normal.

"It's me," Ella answered.

"What do you need darling?"

"Prissy isn't brushing my hair right. She keeps pulling my tangles to hard. Can you do it?" she asked.

"Tell Prissy to let you be. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thank you, mama."

She listened to Ella's footsteps fading away from her door and forced herself out of bed. She quickly washed up and threw on her nightgown and wrapper intent on tending to Ella before getting herself ready to face a day that was already off to a wrong start.

As she brushed Ella's hair she hoped that her daughter didn't notice the shaking of her hands. Scarlett did her best to carry on a light conversation with her but knew she was failing miserably. There were too many things on her mind. She knew now why Wade had so much hostility for her and she had an important call to make to Miss India Wilkes before she could even consider going to the store. She wondered when Rhett had slipped away and where he had gone. She wondered if her choice to spend the night with himwould lead to awkwardness making the rest of his stay uncomfortable for both of them. With these thoughts in mind she sat down the brush and tied a ribbon in Ella's hair. She kissed her head and quietly left the room. She passed her son on the way back to her bedroom.

"Good morning, Wade," she said softly.

Surprise filled her when he replied, "Good morning, mother."

He avoided her eyes but it seemed like progress and at the moment she would take any victory handed to her.

Before going to her own room she paused at Rhett's. Taking a breath she pushed the door open and went inside. Needing to convince herself that he hadn't left town she began to pull open drawers. Her stomach settled as she saw his clothes were still folded neatly inside them. She went back to her own room and rang for Pansy to dress her. Staring at her image in the mirror she steeled herself for the encounter with India that lay ahead.

After breakfast she climbed into the carriage and told the driver to take her to Aunt Pitty's. Hatred for India grew inside her as the carriage made its way towards the house.

* * *

Reaching her destination she was out of the carriage before the driver could even help her down. She pounded on Aunt Pitty's door with more force than she intended but she couldn't bring herself to feel badly about it. The door swung open revealing her enemy.

"You're not welcome here, Scarlett," India sneered as she began to close the door in her face.

Scarlett threw her weight against the door and pushed her way in.

"It would be wise of you, India, to remember that I own a portion of this house and I will come in any time I please."

Her reply wiped the smirk off India's face. "What do you want Scarlett?"

"I came here to offer you a little friendly advice, India" Scarlett replied with sarcastic sweetness.

"And what would that be?" India asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Stay away from my son," she answered her voice low and icy, anger flashing in her eyes.

An evil satisfied smile spread across India's features. "What's wrong, Scarlett? Does the truth hurt?"

"You see that's the problem, India, you don't tell the truth. All you tell is the lies your twisted mind makes up."

"Everything I told Wade was true and you know it. He deserves to know what kind of woman his mother is. Hopefully he'll relay the information to Ella and then they'll both know what kind of ill bred heartless creature you are."

Scarlett began stepping closer to India until she had her backed up against the wall.

"I wish you had a child, India. I'd love nothing more than to return the favor of storytelling but then again having you as a mother would be too cruel to wish upon an innocent child."

India glared at her, "I would be more deserving of a husband and children than you are."

Scarlett laughed, "Apparently not or you'd have both by now. Perhaps if you changed your attitude some desperate Yankee would be willing to take you on."

"You're one to talk, your husband left you!" India answered.

"But the point is still that I have a husband even if he was away. In case you haven't noticed he's been home."

India smirked, "He may be here but I'm sure we all know where he's spending his nights."

"Wrong again," Scarlett told her. "But we are getting off topic here, this is about my child. I don't give a damn what you say about me to your busybody friends but you have no right to tell my children anything regardless if it is true or not."

"I can say whatever I please to whomever I please," India answered.

Scarlett inched a little closer and came practically nose to nose with India.

"Yes I suppose you can say what you want but I can't guarantee you'll have any teeth left after you say it," she told her seriously.

India was beginning to feel uncomfortable, "Are you threatening me, Scarlett Butler?" she exclaimed.

Scarlett smiled, "Not at all, think of it as a promise, India, because I can assure you that if I ever hear of you uttering one more offensive word to my son or my daughter you will wish you were never born."

"You just think you're so much!" India cried.

"You're just jealous, India. I have a husband, children and a home of my own while you have nothing."

"I'm not jealous of anything you have, Scarlett."

Scarlett smiled, "Sure you are that's why you have to use a twelve year old boy to get in your digs at me. Well I hope you enjoyed yourself because those days are over. My son will no longer be coming here unattended and if someone is not available to chaperone his visits than I will send the carriage for Aunt Pitty and she can see him at my home."

"Aunt Pitty isn't going to set foot in your house! She wouldn't be received if she did."

"Then she will only see Wade when I or someone else can accompany him here. I'm not joking, India, you are to have no contact with my children and if you keep pushing my buttons you'll find yourself out on the street because when we get right down to it I pay the majority of the bills here and I will have a say in who lives here if I have to."

"You wouldn't!" India exclaimed as Scarlett backed away from her.

"Try me," she answered as moved towards the door. "You just try me."

* * *

After her visit was completed she headed toward the store. When she arrived she found the store crowded and her clerks busy. A glance toward Mr. Riley revealed a line of children waiting in line to get in last minute wishes. The sight made her smile despite her troubles. Entering her office she found Rhett setting at her desk. The sight of him was unexpected and caught her off guard. Closing the door she hung up her coat and turned to him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with an edge in her voice.

"I was waiting on you, my dear," he answered.

"Why? You obviously didn't want to see me this morning."

"That's why I'm here, Scarlett. I shouldn't have left before you were awake this morning," he replied.

"Then why did you!" she demanded.

"It isn't really something I can explain my dear. I guess you could just say that old habits die hard."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Do you know how it makes me feel when you do that Rhett?"

He stood and came to stand before her, "I figure it doesn't make you feel very well."

"That's right, Rhett. When I wake up and you're gone I feel like I'm no better than one of your whores."

"Don't say that," he demanded annoyance in his voice.

"It's the truth. Where were you anyway? With Belle again?" she spat.

Rhett moved to pull her into his embrace but she stepped out of his way.

"No, Scarlett, I wasn't with Belle. I went out to check on some gifts I had ordered."

She eyed him, suspicion still evident in her eyes.

"If you want I'll give you the names of the people I was doing business with and I'll take you to see them and you can ask them yourself if they saw me this morning."

She shook her head, "No Rhett, that won't be necessary."

"I'm sorry I upset you. I knew as soon as I left that I was wrong for doing so."

"You could've turned around and came back. When I saw you were gone I thought maybe you had changed your mind about staying after all."

He touched her chin with his finger bringing her gaze back to his.

"I meant what I said, Scarlett. I'll be here through New Years regardless of what is said or done."

She nodded her head slightly, "I'm sorry, Rhett. I don't mean to keep doubting your word."

"It's alright, Scarlett. I haven't given you much reason in the past to trust me so I don't expect you to do so without doubt."

"Do you regret it?" she whispered.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly, "I don't regret anything about last night my pet and I hope that you don't either."

"I didn't until I saw you were gone."

"And now that you know I'm sorry and that I wasn't where you thought I was?"

"No I don't regret it anymore."

"Is everything alright between us then?" he asked. "I'd hate to think that we've came this far only to upset the holiday with it less than twenty four hours away."

She thought for a moment and then answered, "We're fine, Rhett."

"The Scarlett I used to know wouldn't have been so forgiving," he answered.

She shrugged, "It doesn't make sense to drag things out at this point."

He studied her for a moment. He had always been unable to imagine Scarlett acting like a mature adult and letting go of her pettiness but here she stood before him once again calmly talking out an issue, no yelling, no harsh words or further damage to feelings. She had grown and changed and unlocked a side of herself that he had never seen. If he wanted to be truthful he would admit that he had slipped from her bed that morning because he had panicked at the new feelings for her that she had unleashed in him. He found himself falling in love with her in an entirely different way. As he had walked the quiet streets of Atlanta that morning he realized that the Scarlett he had first fallen in love with had been a young girl. Now she was a grown woman, her emotions and her thoughts were fully developed. She had shaken off the dreams of a little girl, the cruelness of the war and had accepted the realities that her decisions had given her and in the place of Scarlett the girl stood a completely different person that he was quickly becoming enthralled with. The only question that remained was could he still walk away from her at the conclusion of the season. He still didn't know the answer to that question.

"Rhett," her voice called startling him from his reverie.

"Sorry, what were you saying my dear?"

She looked at him oddly, "I asked you why you were staring at me as if my face had turned green."

He smiled at her, "I was just admiring your beauty, my pet."

She shot him a look that told him she didn't believe a word he had said.

"Where were you this morning, Scarlett? I've been here waiting for you for a while."

She sat down at her desk and pulled the ledgers from the drawer. "I had something to take car of," she answered.

"Oh," he said raising an eyebrow. "Do you mind telling me what that was?" he asked having a feeling he knew.

"If you must know I was paying a call to Miss India Wilkes."

A smile flicked across his face, "Tell me my dear, was she still breathing when you left?"

Scarlett glared at him from across the desk as he sat down in the chair facing her.

"For now she is, next time she might not be so fortunate."

He nodded, "I'm glad you didn't kill her. Packing the children up and running from the police would have put a damper on Christmas."

Despite herself she laughed. "Consider it my good deed of the day."

Rhett joined in her laughter, "Maybe Saint Nicholas will bring you an extra gift for exhibiting such noble behavior my dear."

"That would be a nice way of compensating me for keeping my hands of her neck," Scarlett answered.

Rhett rose from his chair and came forward to kiss her cheek.

"I'll see what can be arranged but for now I'll leave you to your work."

"What are you going to do today, Rhett?" she asked.

"I plan on going home and hiding a few things that I don't want your eyes seeing and then maybe I'll see if Wade and Ella want to go out for awhile. If I remember correctly they are both under the impression that if they stare at the tree long enough the gifts will appear ahead of schedule."

She laughed, "I thought you weren't getting me anything," Scarlett stated smugly as he opened the door.

Mischief sparkled in his eyes, "Just because I don't want you seeing what I have doesn't mean it's for you."

"Who else would it be for?" she asked playing along with his game.

"My dear for all you know I may have went out and bought myself some fabulous gifts that I intend on putting under the tree tonight."

"That wouldn't surprise me," she told him.

"I didn't think it would. I'll see you at home, Scarlett," he replied as he left her office.

She returned to her papers feeling some of the tightness around her heart recede. She had let her thoughts runaway from her that morning and she was glad she had given Rhett the chance to apologize even if his excuse wasn't very satisfying. He was right though she mused. The old Scarlett would've held it against him and fought over it for days but she was too old for those games now. There was only a week left and she'd rather their parting be amicable than bitter and filled with anger. She sighed thinking of the days she had left with him. She had gotten used to him being around even though she had tried not to. When he left with divorce papers in hand the rest of her heart would go with him and she hoped she could survive without it. Pushing those thoughts away she returned her attention to her work.

The day was busy and it went quickly. Finally the store was empty with the exception of Scarlett and Mr. Riley. He stood patiently as she counted out his final pay.

"You did a fine job, Mr. Riley, I can't thank you enough," she told him as she handed him the money.

"No need to thank me Mrs. Butler, I enjoyed the work."

"I'd like to have you back as Saint Nicholas next year," she answered.

The old man smiled and his blue eyes sparkled at her, "I'll be happy to come back."

"Good. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday."

Rhett slipped in the door making the bell ring. Upon seeing him Mr. Riley smiled and looked back at Scarlett.

"I hope the same for your family, Mrs. Butler," he leaned towards her a little more and whispered, "Remember what I told you."

Scarlett smiled, "I remember."

He winked at her and turned away offering a greeting to Rhett before leaving.

She saw humor in his face as Rhett came towards her.

"Surely, Scarlett, you haven't taken to having an affair with Saint Nicholas in effort to get more gifts have you?"

She giggled, "Sometimes wives have to take desperate measures when their husbands say they aren't going to get them a gift."

"It's always the husband's fault," he replied.

"What are you doing here anyway, Rhett? You didn't say you were coming back."

"After I took the children home I thought I'd come back for you so I'd know you were getting home safely."

She smiled at him as she gathered her things and then allowed him to escort her out to the carriage.

"Just believe," she whispered to herself, a seed of hope still lingering in her soul no matter how much she tried to pull it out.

* * *

"I didn't think they'd ever get to sleep," Rhett stated as he and Scarlett sat on the floor of the parlor surrounded by piles of packages that needed placed under the tree.

"I know I was beginning to think that they weren't going to go to sleep at all tonight."

"I thought of giving them some hot chocolate laced with a bit of brandy."

"Rhett!" Scarlett exclaimed but her tone gave away the fact that she was amused by the idea.

"Don't tell me you weren't setting there thinking of options of helping them to sleep faster," he answered as he helped her arrange larger packages at the back of the tree.

"I tried but I couldn't think of anything," she answered.

"Were they this bad last year?" he asked. He regretted the question as he saw her expression change.

She arranged a few more gifts before answering, "No, there wasn't much of a celebration last year."

"I shouldn't have brought it up, Scarlett."

"It's alright, Rhett," she replied as she continued working. "If you want to make it up to me you can stop looking for tags with your name on it and just put the gifts under the tree a little faster."

"Your wish is my command, my lady," he answered favoring her with his usual teasing grin.

"If only that were true," she thought to herself.

Once finished placing all the gifts under the tree and placing a few small packages on its branches they climbed the stairs and said goodnight before retreating to their own rooms.

Scarlett tossed and turned for an hour before she began pacing the room and then the hallway. She hated the nighttime. It was when every little worry came out of its hiding place to eat at her. After walking the long hall a few times and looking in on Wade and Ella she made her way back deciding to give sleep another try.

Lying awake in his own room Rhett had listened to her pacing. He knew her mind was still troubled. Knowing there was only one way to comfort her and make her relax he climbed out of his bed and went to her room. She rose up in her bed when the door opened expecting to see an over anxious Ella. Instead she found Rhett coming toward her bed and then getting in beside her. She said nothing not wanting him to leave.

He pulled her into his arms. "Sleep, Scarlett. Tomorrow is a busy day."

"Did I wake you?" she asked softy.

"No," he answered.

She understood then the real reason she couldn't sleep and the reason Rhett had been awake. They were facing another Christmas without Bonnie and the pain was still strong. There was also the end of their marriage looming over, one last Christmas together pretending nothing had been broken. If they were going to make it through they needed each other. She grasped his hand and held it tightly. He kissed her lightly and held her closer.

"It will be alright, Scarlett," he whispered as she took in the comfort of his arms and allowed herself to fall asleep.


	16. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Author's Note: Once again I thank you for your kind reviews. This is a lighthearted chapter this time! I hope you all enjoy it and as usual I apologize for how long it took to post it.

Chapter 15 – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Rhett heard the door creaking open but kept his eyes closed. The hour was still early and he hoped that whichever gift seeker was at the door would see that he and Scarlett were still asleep and go back to their room for awhile longer. He had no such luck. He felt safe in indentifying the ball of energy crossing the floor rapidly as Ella. He remained still and silent as she climbed up the bed.

Reaching her mother's side she whispered quietly, "Mama."

Rhett cracked an eye open to see if Scarlett had stirred. She hadn't which encouraged Ella to raise her voice and call her again, "Mama."

Scarlett turned her head towards her daughters voice, "Whats wrong?" she asked groggily.

"He's been here," Ella answered excitedly.

Scarlett still being more asleep than awake asked, "Who's been here?"

Rhett clamped his mouth shut tightly to hold back his laughter.

"Saint Nicholas has been here!" she exclaimed.

Slowly Scarlett's mind began to clear. "That's wonderful darling," she answered as she looked at the clock on the stand, "But it's only 6:00 in the morning why don't you go back to sleep for awhile."

Rhett opened his eyes fully wanting to see how this suggestion was going to go over.

Ella looked down at her mother in dismay. "But Mama it's Christmas!" she cried.

Scarlett smiled sleepily, "How silly of me," she answered. "I can't believe I even suggested such a thing."

"Really, Scarlett, you'd think you would learn by now that you can't stand in the way of Christmas gifts."

Ella turned her attention to Rhett and excitedly told him, "There are lots of presents down there, Uncle Rhett!"

"Is there?" he asked as Scarlett rolled over to observe them.

Ella nodded.

"And what makes you think that any of those gifts are addressed to you Ella Lorena? They may all be for me," he told her with a grin.

Giving him a smug look that was purely her mother she answered, "I checked the tags!"

Scarlett began to laugh at the astounded look on his face. Soon his laughter mingled with hers and filled the room.

"She's definitely your child, Scarlett."

"Was there ever any doubt?" she asked.

"Not anymore."

"Are you coming?" Ella asked impatiently.

Rhett grabbed her and began to tickle her causing her to squeal with laughter.

"What are we going to do with her Scarlett? He asked.

"You're going to keep me," Ella declared before her mother had a chance to answer. "Aren't you Mama?"

Scarlett laughed, "Yes, I think I'll keep you," she told her as she pulled her into her arms for a hug.

"Can we open presents now?" Ella asked

"We may as well surrender, my dear," Rhett answered.

"Alright Ella, is your brother up yet?"

"No," she answered.

"Well then go and wake him," Scarlett told her.

Ella quickly jumped off the bed and ran out of the room.

Scarlett looked over at Rhett who smirked. "Well my pet at least it was 6:00 this year instead of 4:30 like the year before last."

"Don't remind me," Scarlett answered as they got out of bed.

"I believe it was Wade who sounded the alarm that year," he replied.

She nodded, "Yes; he started it until finally all three of them were out in the hallway making enough commotion to wake the dead."

Rhett chuckled, "I believe we looked like the dead that morning my pet."

She grinned, "What did you expect? We had just gone to bed at two that morning."

"They were happy though weren't they?" he asked.

"They were happy, until they got tired," she laughed. "I can still see Bonnie falling asleep in her breakfast," she told him without thinking. Her eyes widened and she looked down afraid to see his reaction.

He turned her face back to his, "I remember that too. I also remember how surprised she was that you were the one to cook her breakfast."

She smiled softly, "There wasn't anyone else to do it. I had told everyone to come in later in the morning."

"You did a good job," he told her quietly.

"No thanks to you. You broke two eggs before you even got them across the kitchen to me."

The memory came back to him in vivid clarity. He could see her in her red wrapper standing at the stove trying not to laugh as she scolded him for making a mess. He could see Wade, Ella, and Bonnie around the small table laughing as he and Scarlett tried to find their way around a kitchen they had barely ever set foot in. Shaking away the power of it he continued on

"Wade was the only one who had any faith in your cooking ability that day."

"He knew I had to help cook at Tara during the war."

"If I recall correctly he highly praised your Christmas breakfast."

"That will probably never happen again."

"You never know it might. Perhaps you could cook for us again this year," he told her softly, encouragement and a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

"If I didn't know any better I'd think maybe you liked my cooking, Rhett Butler," she replied.

He smiled, "Alright I admit it. I did enjoy it. Will you do it again this year?"

She laughed, "I suppose I'm feeling adventuress enough to give it a try again."

"Do you know what else I remember about that Christmas?" Rhett asked.

"What?"

"Ella falling asleep in church and Wade managing to elbow her in the forehead in effort to wake her."

Scarlett laughed, "I remember, Ella yelling ouch right in the middle of a prayer and then you started laughing and set Bonnie off."

"Don't forget about yourself my pet. If I recall correctly you only pulled Ella on to your lap so you could hide your face in her hair while you tried to control your own giggles. I was waiting for you to shake yourself off the pew," he laughed.

"I wasn't laughing; I was crying in mortification," she told him mischievously.

"There may have been tears in your eyes but they weren't from crying, my dear."

"It was a good Christmas wasn't it, Rhett" she asked when she brought her laughter under control.

"Yes it was. I think it was one of the best Christmases I ever had," he answered quietly.

"Me too."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

"We're ready," the children's voices called from the hallway making them pull apart.

"We better get out there before we have a mutiny on our hands," Rhett stated as he led her to the door.

Talking about Bonnie in that small way had made her feel good inside. Remembering those happy moments took away some of the rawness and she didn't want to cry at the memories. She wanted only to enjoy them and remember her without overwhelming sadness. This was the first time she had been able to do so and she hoped that it meant she was finally beginning to heal.

* * *

Once they were all assembled in the parlor and Scarlett had given the go ahead the sound of paper being ripped filled the room as bows and ribbons were tossed aside. Sounds of delight and happiness escaped her children's mouths as gift after gift was revealed. Books, dolls, games, puzzles, sketch pads, coloring books, crayons and colored pencils, candy and treats, clothing and everything else a child could desire was found under the Christmas tree. She enjoyed the look of delight on Wade's face as he discovered the telescope he had been wanting for so long and the squeal of happiness from Ella as she opened the tea set she had asked for. As they searched through the mountains of paper for any gifts they may have missed Scarlett reached for two small packages sitting on a low branch off to the side. Calling Ella she handed her the first box and waited patiently while she opened it. Ella's eyes lit up and she smiled brightly as she lifted a silver bracelet from the box. It had a small heart set with pink stones dangling off of it. Engraved on the inside of the bracelet were her initials E.L.K.

"Thank you, Mama," Ella told her when she had found her voice.

"Your welcome, darling," Scarlett answered as she hooked the dainty bracelet around her wrist. "I knew you were sad that you had outgrown your coral bracelet."

"I'm not sad anymore," Ella replied as she admired her gift on her wrist.

Scarlett laughed, "I'm glad. Wade, I have something for you."

She saw a hint of surprise in his eyes as he came forward and accepted the box from her hand. He sat on the floor at her feet as he opened the gift. She held her breath in anticipation, hoping that her special present would make him happy.

Lifting the lid he stared down at the gold pocket watch nestled inside. Slowly he lifted it out and admired the engraved nature scene on its cover. Turning it over he found three sets of initials reading W.R.H., C.W.H., and W.H.H. . Wade looked up at his mother for explanation of his findings.

"It was your grandfather's watch Wade. Then it was your father's. Before he went to war he gave it to Uncle Henry for safe keeping. When you were a baby, Uncle Henry told me that he'd keep it for you and that when I felt the time was right I could have it to give to you," she explained.

He smiled softly but said nothing and her hopes deflated. She tried to keep her expression void of any disappointment but Rhett had caught a flicker of it before she masked it. Reaching for her hand he squeezed it gently. Wade went on studying his watch, opening it and closing it, running his fingers over the letters carved in its back. She tore her eyes away from him and focused on the tree until she had control over her feelings once more.

"Now that the two of you have ripped open everything with your names on it maybe your mother can have a turn," Rhett stated as he went towards the tree and picked up a few packages. Coming back to Scarlett he kissed her forehead and handed her the gifts. She reached for the biggest package first but Rhett stopped her.

"Open that one last," he told her.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I said so," he replied handing her one of the smaller packages.

"Alright," she answered as she began pulling the paper of the gift.

"It's beautiful, Rhett," she told him as she ran her hands over the smooth cherry wood jewelry box. The lid had a frosted glass inlay with beautiful hand painted pink roses on it.

"Open it up."

She complied and once the lid was opened the jewelry box began to play a soft melody.

"I love it," she whispered.

"I thought you would," he answered. "It seemed like something that should belong to you."

She carefully put it aside and opened the next gift. Tearing off the paper she found a velvet box. Opening it she found a necklace that held a silver locket with filigree design and a diamond in its center.

"Look inside it," Rhett prodded.

Incased inside the locket was a black curl of Bonnie's hair. She looked up at him wanting to say something but not able to find the words. He gave her a sad smile "I know," he answered as if he had read her mind and her feelings and wanted to assure her that words weren't needed. She nodded and closed the locket and the hooked the chain around her neck.

"I couldn't give you a jewelry box without giving you something new to put it in," Rhett stated trying to put them both at ease once more.

"It's perfect, Rhett," she answered as she eyed the larger package he had held back. Can I open that one now?"

He laughed, "Yes, go ahead."

Tearing the paper off she found a medium sized framed painting. Her breathe caught in her throat as she gazed at the picture. The painting showed her seated with Bonnie on her lap, Ella seated on the floor at her feet and Wade standing behind her. They were all smiling as though they had never had a care in the world. Their images were painted to perfection, right down to the exact shade of blue Bonnie's eyes had been. She was amazed at the beauty of it.

"Do you like it, Scarlett?" Rhett asked her silence making him begin to feel as though he had disappointed her.

"Oh course I like it, Rhett, how could I not? How did you have it done?" she asked.

"I contacted an artist, I showed him photographs of all of you, gave detailed descriptions. I even had him come to Atlanta shortly after I arrived so that he could discreetly catch a few glimpses of you and the children."

"Thank you," she told him as she leaned over and kissed his cheek. Rising from her seat she moved to the tree and picked up the packages that packages that were for him. Handing them to him she smiled shyly. "I hope you like your gifts, Rhett."

"I'm sure I will my dear," he answered as he opened the first gift to find a pair of emerald cufflinks.

"Are these to remind me of the color of your eyes?" he asked only half joking.

"No not at all. I just thought they were pretty," she replied feeling as though he disliked them. "I can have them changed for something else if you want," she added quietly.

"Now why would I want you to do that?"

"You might not want that color," she answered.

"I don't see why not. I am somewhat found of the color emerald," he told her hoping to turn the situation around.

"Open the next one," she prodded hoping for a better reaction to it.

Upon opening it he grinned at her, "So you do listen once in awhile when I talk."

"Oh course I do, Rhett. Do you like it?"

"Yes my dear, it's just the kind of signet ring I always wanted."

Her eyes lit up and she smiled happily glad that she had finally done something right in his eyes. The ring was gold and in its oval center was an elaborate initial B. He slipped it onto his finger and then kissed her. "Thank you."

"That one is from all of us," Scarlett told him as he opened the next box revealing a new silver cigar case.

"Hopefully Wade won't be slipping any of my cigars out of this," he stated with a laugh.

"No sir," the boy replied looking slightly green at the memory of his last cigar.

There was one box remaining but Scarlett stopped him from opening it. "I'd rather you open that one later, Rhett."

"Why is that?" he asked slightly puzzled.

"Because it's something I'd rather you have in private," she answered.

He raised an eyebrow suggestively, "Really, that sounds interesting."

Scarlett blushed, "Not like that."

"That's a shame," he answered; "But I understand. In fact I have another gift for you but it should also wait for later."

She nodded in agreement but her curiosity was piqued.

"It's time for breakfast," she stated as she rose from the sofa.

"Your mother is cooking," Rhett announced to the children.

Ella ran ahead to the kitchen leaving Rhett and Scarlett to follow her.

"Mother," Wade's voice called softly from behind her.

She turned toward him, "Yes Wade?"

She couldn't explain the feeling of joy that took hold of her as her son wrapped his thin arms around her in a hug. So stunned was she that it took her a moment before she could even react but when she did she wrapped her own arms around him tightly and lowered her face to kiss his head. It was if time stood still while she embraced her eldest child and hope filled her at the prospect of regaining some semblance of his affection. He pulled away from her, smiled and holding his watch in his hand told her

"I'll take good care of it."

"I know you will," she replied.

"I'm glad you're making breakfast this year," he added with a smile.

Scarlett laughed, "I hope it turns out well," she answered as she tried to remember when the last time was they had shared a conversation of any length that hadn't been a fight.

He ran ahead to join Ella leaving her alone with Rhett. As she turned toward him he wrapped an arm around her waist. "That's a good first step, Scarlett."

"Do you think it will change his mind about leaving?" she asked softly as they walked towards the kitchen.

"I don't know but I'm sure the conversation we're going to have at breakfast tomorrow will turn him the right direction."

"Why, what are we going to do?" she asked.

"We'll talk about it later, now's not the time."

Entering the kitchen they found Wade and Ella seated at the table anxiously waiting. Mischief gleamed in her eyes as Rhett moved to join them.

"Rhett, aren't you going to fetch me the eggs?" she asked innocently.

He turned towards her at the sound of playfulness of her voice.

"No, I don't think that would be wise given my past history with eggs."

"Come now, Rhett, certainly you aren't going to let a trivial matter like clumsiness to keep you from being a gentleman and fetching the eggs for your wife."

His black eyes danced with merriment, "We both know that I'm not gentleman my pet."

Wade and Ella began to laugh at them.

"Ella, don't ever marry a man like your Uncle Rhett," she told her daughter.

"Alright Mama," she answered with a giggle.

Rhett smirked at her and turned to Wade. "Wade, only god can help you if you end up with a woman like your mother."

"Maybe I won't get married at all," Wade answered joining in on the banter.

"You're a smart man son," Rhett answered as he retrieved the eggs for Scarlett as she began to collect the other ingredients for their meal.

"Very good, Rhett, you got them all here in one piece this time," she praised as he sat them on the counter.

"I've been practicing," he answered with a laugh. "I was hoping for the chance to impress you."

"I am indeed impressed," she replied "You know Wade, Rhett used to say he wasn't ever getting married either."

"Really, Uncle Rhett?" he asked

"I seem to recall saying that at one point in my life."

"What changed your mind?" Wade wanted to know.

A wicked smile spread across his face, "Your mother begged me to marry her."

Scarlett turned from the stove quickly her eyes wide with surprise and laughter.

"You're a liar, Rhett Butler!" she cried. "If anyone was begging it was you!"

The children laughed wildly as he turned his attention back to them.

'Don't listen to her. She begged me for years to marry her. She told me she cried every night because she couldn't have me as a husband."

"Did you mama?" Ella asked.

"No I certainly did not! He said I had to marry him because I was only woman crazy enough to put up with him."

He kissed her cheek and moved to gather the plates and silverware. "There have been times when I've questioned your sanity, my pet."

She smirked and ignored the comment as she concentrated on her task. Once the meal was served and ate with relish she sent them off to get ready for church.

* * *

Waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs something told Rhett to go and open the door. Coming back to the stairs he called

"Scarlett, you might want to forget about Church this morning."

She appeared at the top of the stairs a moment later. "Why," she asked.

"Come on down and look outside," he told her.

Quickly making her way downstairs she threw open the door and found herself looking out at a world that had turned white. Several inches of snow lay on the ground. Turning back and yelling for her children Rhett thought that she looked as happy as a child herself.

Pleas to go out and play in it were quickly granted permission and once changed into old clothes they all made their way out into the winter weather. Rhett decided to teach Wade how to make a snowball. Scarlett stood observing them as Rhett explained how to do it.

"You get a good handful and roll it into a perfect ball and make sure it's packed tight or it will fall apart. Then you look for your target," Rhett stated evilly as he eyed Scarlett.

"Don't you dare," she told him edging away slightly.

He tossed the snowball in the air and caught it easily as he sized her up.

"Rhett, I mean it!" she exclaimed.

He drew back acting as though he were going to throw it causing her to flinch in anticipation. He laughed at her reaction and when she scowled at him he threw it for real, hitting her in the chest.

"You're going to pay for that!" she cried as she scooped up some snow and ran towards him.

He ran from her easily but she didn't give up the fight. She followed behind him throwing handfuls of snow that always feel short of their target while he threw his own handfuls hitting her every time. His laughter mocked her and she suddenly had an idea of how to get even. Allowing him to run ahead of her she changed her course and moved quietly until she was creeping up behind him while he scanned the yard looking for her.

She scooped up some snow and quickly shoved it down the back of his neck. She laughed as he yelled in surprise and spun around grabbing her and rubbing snow in her face. The chase ensued, Wade and Ella laughing at them and then beginning their own battle. To the world they looked like the perfect example of a perfect family. The people passing by saw only a family of love and happiness, not one that was marred by tragedy and separation. As Scarlett tumbled down into the snow taking Rhett with her, she laughed like she had long ago when she was young and carefree.

Watching her laugh, her cheeks and nose red from the cold, strands of hair tumbling from their pins he couldn't help but think that she had never looked more beautiful. Not caring who was looking he cupped her cheek and kissed her passionately. The world melted away as Rhett kissed her and her heart was full with a happiness that she wasn't sure she could handle. Suddenly something cold and wet smacked against her cheek. Jerking away from each other she discovered that they were being attacked by her children.

"They must be punished," Rhett told her as he scooped up some snow and made a snowball and then made her one as well.

"I agree," Scarlett answered as she flung her snowball at Wade hitting him in the shoulder. Rhett's followed hitting Ella in the back as she turned to run. They chased them around the yard for awhile before reluctantly retiring into the house for warm clothes and hot chocolate.

* * *

As the day and evening wore on there was a relaxed atmosphere in the home as the children enjoyed their new gifts while Rhett and Scarlett enjoyed each others company in contentment. Finally she coaxed the children upstairs to their beds and then returned to the parlor to give Rhett his last gift.

Pulling the box out she handed it to him without a word.

"You're making me nervous with your silence, my pet," he told her as he untied the bow and began to lift the lid.

"I'm not sure how you'll react to it, Rhett," She replied quietly.

Removing the lid he found the box full of letters. One stack was marked with postmarks to Charleston and the return marks sending them back to Atlanta. The other stack held no postmarks.

"I don't understand, Scarlett," he answered as he studied the contents.

"They're the letters I sent to you, Rhett. The ones you said you weren't ready for. I want you to have them in hopes that one day you will be ready to read what I had to say. I'm not saying you have to read them now, just that I hope you will one day," she explained.

"I see," he answered; "But Scarlett, you didn't send me this many letters, some of these hold no postmarks."

"I know, Rhett. You told me not to contact you anymore and I respected that but I didn't stop writing to you. I just stopped sending them."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Scarlett."

"I know, but let's not talk about that now. Today has been wonderful and I don't want to spoil that. I just want you to say you'll accept those," she told him gesturing toward the box he held.

"Yes, Scarlett, I accept them and I promise I will read them."

"Thank you, Rhett," she replied.

He picked up a package from the floor and handed it to Scarlett.

"This is that extra gift you requested as your compensation for allowing India Wilkes to live another day," he told her amusement in his tone.

She smirked at him as she pulled the paper from the box and opened it.

"Oh Rhett, it's beautiful," she murmured as she pulled a dark pink nightgown of silk and lace from the box and its matching robe.

"Is it ample compensation for your good deed my pet?" he asked as she stroked her fingers over the material.

"Oh yes its lovely," she replied and then arched a brow and looked at him suspiciously. "I suppose you'll want me to model it for you?"

He grinned, "If you find it convenient to do so I certainly won't mind the show."

"I'm sure you wouldn't," she answered as she stood; "But I think I'll go on up to bed if you don't mind."

He rose from his place and kissed her cheek, "I don't mind. Merry Christmas, Scarlett."

"Merry Christmas, Rhett," she replied as she moved towards the door. She was thankful that night as she went to bed that she had been given the perfect Christmas she had asked for. Now if only the New Year would come and Rhett would change his mind and stay she thought to herself but she wasn't going to build false hope only to have it crash down around her.


	17. All Is Calm

Authors Note: Sorry it's taken so long for this chapter. I was sick and didn't stand a chance at getting anything done. The next chapter is already in the works so hopefully it won't take me long to get it posted.

Chapter 16 – All Is Calm

December 26, 1874

The next morning as Scarlett left her room Rhett stepped out of his and caught her by her elbow.

"I want to talk to you before we go down, Scarlett," he told her pulling her to the side of the hallway.

"About whatever you have planned for our breakfast conversation?" she asked her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Yes, I want you to react to the things I'm going to say to Wade in the way you normally would but when I make my point to you I want you to play along and agree with me my pet. Do you understand?"

She looked at him with a hint of hesitation in her eyes, "I understand."

"You'll understand better when I begin, Scarlett," he replied as he took her arm and lead her down the hall to the stairs.

"I'll just have to take your word for it," she answered while she silently prayed that whatever he had in mind would work.

After excusing Ella from the table Rhett leaned back in his chair and waited.

"May I be excused?" Wade asked casting his mother a glance.

"No; you may not," Rhett answered before Scarlett could answer. "We have things to discuss."

"Like what?" Wade asked

"Your plans for the new year," Rhett replied casually.

"Rhett, I told him we'd discuss this after the holidays. January second is soon enough to hear his decision."

"I'm not talking about where he is going to live. I'm speaking of things that pertain to that decision."

"I see," she answered; "Please go on."

"Have you been thinking about what you're going to be doing once you get wherever it is you want to be?"

Puzzlement filled his face, "What do you mean Uncle Rhett?"

"I mean how are you going to support yourself? What are you going to do for money?"

Wade slid his glance to Scarlett.

"Don't go looking at your mother, once you're out the door her purse is closed," Rhett told him with a laugh.

"But Rhett, he's my child, he's still in school I'd have to support him until he was of age!" she exclaimed.

"Oh no, my dear, since he is the one making the decision to leave home you're no longer obligated to him financially. When I left home, my parent's money didn't come with me. I was left to my own devices."

Catching the look he gave her to play along Scarlett nodded, "I suppose you're right Rhett."

"So Wade, what can you do?" he asked returning his attention to his step-son.

"Do?"

"Yes, what can you do? What skills do you possess that will help you get a job once you leave home?"

"A job!" Wade cried. "I can't get a job I have to go to school."

Rhett laughed, "Surely you don't think the people you move in with are going to support you do you? You will have to take a job so that you can provide for yourself Wade. Clothes, food, and medicine aren't free you know and who knows you may even have to pay for your room. School will be out of the question, a job is your priority now."

"He can't leave school," Scarlett interrupted; wondering if Rhett had lost his mind.

He shot her another look, "I know that's distressing to you, Scarlett; but if he wants to be a man before his time than he'll just have to sacrifice his education."

Rhett could hardly hold a straight face as he took in Wade's shocked expression. He kept looking to his mother as if he was waiting for her to make the choices for him and demand he finish his schooling.

"I will be disappointed if Wade doesn't finish school and I'm sure his father would be upset by the prospect but if that's how it's to be than I'll have to accept it. It's his choice after all," Scarlett answered raising her eyes to her son's face.

Rhett applauded her silently. She had played it just right especially with the mention of Charles. He decided to take it a step further.

"I'm sure his Aunt Melly would be disappointed as well."

"Yes, I know she would be," Scarlett replied softly.

Wade lowered his eyes to the table and allowed the sound of the spoon hitting against the glass cup as his mother stirred her coffee fill his ears. For awhile it was the only sound to be heard. Rhett had noticed since his return home that Scarlett had acquired this nervous habit of stirring her coffee for no reason. He noticed that while it drove him crazy it seemed to be soothing to Wade and the last thing he wanted was for the boy to be comfortable. Gently he reached over and stilled her hand.

"I think its cool enough now, Scarlett," he told her a touch of annoyance in his voice.

"Sorry," she answered dropping the spoon and allowing it to clatter loudly startling Wade.

"Well have you thought of something you can do to earn a living?" he asked returning to the conversation.

"No, Uncle Rhett."

"Nothing at all? You have no skills?"

"No," he answered once again.

"Well then it's a good thing you'll be getting some job experience this week," he told him.

"I will?" Wade asked; trepidation in his voice.

"You will. You owe me the money for that window you broke and you'll be working it off."

"Where at?"

"At your mother's store," Rhett answered with a smile. He wasn't sure whose head snapped up the fastest.

"What!" they both exclaimed causing him to laugh slightly.

"Is there a problem with that?" he asked; daring Wade to be hostile towards his mother.

"No," he answered shortly.

"Rhett are you sure that's a good idea?" Scarlett asked as she reached for her spoon.

"Of course it's a good idea, my dear," he answered as he reached over and snatched the spoon from her hand before she could place it in the cup. "He has a debt that needs paid and you have a place of business for him to work in. He gets to take responsibility for his actions and pay for them and he also gets a little job experience to carry with him for the future."

"If you say so," she answered as she began to twist her hands in agitation thinking of the possible public explosions of temper from the both of them that Atlanta could witness.

Rhett seemed to read her thoughts and turned back to Wade.

"Don't go thinking you can pull the little stunts you've been doing at school Wade. The advantage of having you at your mother's store allows me to pop in unexpectedly to check on things at any given moment and believe me I will be in when you least expect it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Uncle Rhett. How long do I have to work there?"

"I figure until the end of the month. That should be enough to pay off your debt."

Wade nodded looking to Scarlett with eyes that seemed to be begging her to say he couldn't work in her store.

"Is this arrangement fine with you, Scarlett? You have things he can do don't you?"

"Yes, there are always things that need to be done and I'm sure Wade can handle them."

"Good; it's all settled then. Go on upstairs Wade and get ready to go to work with your mother."

He left the table without a word and once she was sure he was away from the dining room Scarlett turned to Rhett.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Rhett."

"Trust me, Scarlett."

"I always do; although I don't know why," she replied.

He smiled, "Everything will work out Scarlett, don't worry to much about it."

"That's easy for you to say. He'll probably announce to everyone in the store how much he hates me the second I give him something to do."

Rhett shook his head "I don't think he'll do that knowing that I could walk through the door at any given minute. I want him to work, Scarlett, and I mean it, don't go giving him meaningless little tasks like opening your mail, give him jobs you'd give anyone else or this experience will mean nothing to him. Don't let his behavior have power over you."

"Alright Rhett," she answered. "I'll give him real things to do. I just hope it works."

"I believe it will. With the exception of your time at Tara he's led an easy life with everything done for him. I imagine he won't be thrilled with the idea of working everyday when the other boys his age are going to school and having a good time."

Pushing back her chair and standing she moved from the table to leave the room, "I guess we'll find out," she answered steeling herself for whatever the day might bring.

* * *

The ride to the store was silent and once there Wade spoke little to her. Following Rhett's advice she began giving him orders. She made him help stock the shelves, sweep the floors and carry packages and anything else that came to mind. He didn't complain and he treated her respectfully. It was obvious however that he didn't particularly enjoy being in his mothers company all day.

Later in the day she once again questioned the wisdom of Rhett's plan. Keeping watch over Wade and worrying about him having an outburst added an extra layer of stress to the load she already carried. Her head began to ache and she hoped for time to move quickly so she could take her son and leave.

It was another silent ride on the way home. She wanted to talk to him but whenever she attempted it he gave only one word answers or said nothing at all and if she was being honest with herself she wasn't even sure what to say to him now that she knew what his feelings were towards her. Watching him stare out the window she wondered if it things could ever really be repaired between them. It seemed to late now but she would keep trying even if she ended up disappointed in the end.

Scarlett wasn't surprised when Rhett entered her room that evening without knocking. In fact it seemed perfectly normal for him to saunter in and make himself comfortable in the plush armchair. His eyes roamed over her as she sat at her vanity.

"Did you come in here for a reason or just to leer at me?" she asked a slight smile touching her lips.

"Perhaps I came to talk and to leer," he answered raising an eyebrow at her. "I was hoping I'd catch you wearing your Christmas gift and that you would then seduce me."

She gave a short laugh, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but the seduction of Rhett Butler won't be taking place this evening."

"That's a shame," he replied giving her an exaggerated frown, "Any idea when the event will occur?"

She looked at him coyly, "It'll happen when you least expect it."

"I guess I can console myself with the fact that you didn't say it will never take place," he answered a grin spreading across his handsome face making her heart flutter.

She couldn't resist taking a jab at him however, "Who said it would be with me?"

Rhett laughed, "My dear who else would it be?"

"God only knows," she replied her voice sounding bitter and jealous which hadn't been what she intended.

He looked at her oddly for a moment and she cursed herself for allowing too much of her feelings show.

"I don't believe any woman but you is capable of such a feat my pet," he answered finally his voice low and his tone lace with something Scarlett couldn't quite put her finger on. It seemed to dark to be desire and yet not forceful enough to be distaste.

His statement unnerved her and she remained quiet and began to rearrange the objects lying on top of her vanity as if keeping her hands busy would somehow keep trouble away.

"How did things go at the store today?" Rhett asked breaking the tension that had filled the room.

"Fine," she replied without looking up at him.

"How was Wade?"

"He behaved himself if that's what you mean."

"No grumbling about taking orders?" he asked.

"No but it was obvious he found the work distasteful," she answered allowing herself to look in Rhett's direction.

"Good, that's what we want. You must've given him the right kind of tasks."

"I did what you said and gave him jobs I'd ask anyone else to do."

"What did you have him do if you don't mind my asking?"

"Stocking shelves, sweeping, carrying packages, wrapping packages and anything else that popped up."

"Perfect, Scarlett, you followed along the way I hoped you would."

"I'm glad I haven't messed up your plan," she answered rubbing a hand across her forehead.

"Headache?" he questioned as he watched her.

"Yes, just a dull one."

"Stress getting to you again?" he asked with concern

"Again?" she said with mild annoyance. "You make it sound as though it stopped."

"I'm sorry, Scarlett, you seemed more relaxed and I assumed your mind had been put at ease."

"That's a joke," she muttered. "Do you have any idea when the last time my mind was at ease Rhett?"

"No."

"Neither do I but I can narrow it down to sometime before 1861."

"That's a long time to have a restless mind."

"I know," she answered quietly.

"I won't keep you up much longer, my dear; but there is something I just need to ask you."

"What is it?" she asked putting her head into her hands.

"When did you acquire the habit of stirring your coffee endlessly and nosily?" he asked

She shrugged, "I don't know I didn't realize I was doing it until today."

"You've been doing it the whole time I've been here."

"And?" she asked turning to look at him.

"It drives me crazy," he stated bluntly.

Her eyes narrowed and a sound of indignation slipped from her lips, "Stirring my coffee is a relatively small annoyance when compared to the amount of sanity I have lost in dealing with you all these years."

He bit back a sharp retort realizing that she did look like she didn't feel well and that he had brought the comment on himself.

"No need to get defensive my dear, I didn't mean to start anything with you."

After a moment her face softened a bit, "I'm sorry, Rhett, I'm just not myself tonight."

"It's alright, I shouldn't have brought it up knowing you didn't feel well," he replied as he stood and came towards her. He kissed her cheek and put a hand under her elbow urging her to stand.

"A good night's sleep should be the cure," he told her as he led her to her bed.

He pulled back the covers for her and she slid into her bed with gratefulness. He made his way around the room distinguishing the lamps with the exception of one by the door and then came back to her and rearranged the blankets she had pulled over her.

She smiled despite herself, "It's been a long time since I was tucked in."

Sitting on the edge of her bed he laughed quietly and began to massage her forehead, "Would you like a bedtime story?"

She laughed softly, "Not tonight."

"I would've rather been seduced," he told her with humor

"That doesn't surprise me."

He continued his ministrations and she sighed. "Is it helping?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered. "You've always been good at making my headaches go away."

He brushed his lips across hers gently. "I'm glad I can be of service to you Mrs. Butler. Go on and go to sleep."

When her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep he slipped from her room distinguishing the last lamp as he went.

His room seemed cold and lonely upon entering it and he considered returning to Scarlett's and settling down beside her for the night. He pushed the thought away and began to ready for bed. It wouldn't do either one of them much good to get into that habit especially with his final decision regarding their future still uncertain.


	18. Strains Of Love All Through The Night

Authors Note: I had this chapter half written when I deleted it and started over with this idea which I like better than what I originally planned so I hope you guys like it too. As always thanks for the reviews! Over a 100 now I can't believe it.

Chapter 17- Strains of love shall hover all through the night

December 28, 1874

As Scarlett sat at her desk working on orders for the store she glanced at the calendar for the date. December 28th it read. Her stomach flipped as the realization of how few days remained in the year slammed into her. As much as she had tried to prepare herself for the inevitable end of the holiday season it still came as a shock to her. She felt the lump forming in her throat and she struggled to swallow it before it chocked her. Suddenly she wasn't sure if she could go through with signing the papers and yet a part of her knew she had to. She promised Rhett her signature and he had been so good to her and the children during the season that she would sign as a thank you to him even if it killed her.

Scarlett hated to see him go, hated to admit defeat. Things had grown comfortable between them and she was sure that if he only stayed and gave her a chance things could improve even more. These past weeks that she had shared with Rhett had been special, even when things got difficult and awkward. Sometimes she felt as though they had recaptured the early days of their relationship and for a few moments she would have hope but then reality would sneak up and remind her that he spoke no words of love and gave no hints of extending his stay past the first.

A sigh escaped her lips as her eyes remained focused on the remaining days of her calendar. 1874 had been a long hard year, seeing it put in the past would be welcoming if she had something happy to look forward to. 1875 was looking bleak already with the coming of January 2nd which was sure to be one of the hardest days of her life.

"What a way to start the New Year," she muttered to herself as she returned her focus to her work. It was easier said than done and for once her mind began to wander she found it hard to get back on course. She couldn't stop imagining Rhett leaving and Wade following along behind him. She pushed the order forms away and took out the ledgers with hopes that the long columns of numbers would numb her mind to her troubles.

Scarlett could usually tally the numbers quickly and easily but today they seemed hopelessly tangled and undecipherable. She was biting her lip in frustration when Wade entered her office and came to stand next to her.

"Mother," he stated hesitantly knowing that the look on her face meant she wasn't in the best of moods.

"Just a minute, Wade," she answered making an effort to keep her tone void of aggravation.

She gave up on the column she was working on and threw down her pencil.

"What do you need?" she asked as he studied the numbers in her book.

"I finished sweeping and changing the merchandise in the window."

"Oh," she answered trying to think of another task to give him. "I guess you could clean up in here then," she answered.

"You added these numbers wrong," he replied pointing to a line in the ledger.

"Did I?" she asked leaning forward to examine the sum he pointed to.

"You're right I did add that wrong," she admitted as she erased it and wrote in the correct number as her son continued to hover at her side.

"This one's wrong too," he told her pointing to the next column.

"God's nightgown!" she cried. "What's wrong with me."

Wade suppressed a laugh and it brought an unexpected smile to her lips as she glanced at him.

"It's a good thing you were here, Wade, or I would've had myself in a fine mess. I didn't realize you were so good with numbers."

"I like mathematics," he answered with a shrug. "I'm good at it."

"I was good at mathematics too," Scarlett answered seeing an opportunity to bond with her son.

"I thought girls were supposed to hate it," he replied as he pointed out another error she had made.

"Goodness that one's wrong too!" she exclaimed before answering his statement. "I suppose most girls hate mathematics and in a lot of ways it's expected of them but I've always been different."

A grin touched his lips as he looked up at her pointing at the column she had been working on, "Maybe you aren't so good at it anymore."

A long time ago she may have scolded him for such a statement but today she laughed taking it in stride.

"I'm just having an off day but perhaps you should check over it for me and make sure I haven't made any other mistakes."

His eyes lit up and she knew she had said the right thing.

"Really, Mother? I can check the ledgers for you?" he asked.

"Yes; I think you should since I seem to be making so many errors today," she told him as she stood and allowed him to take her place at the desk.

He looked so happy as he took her seat and bent his head to tally her numbers that she couldn't help chanting Mr. Riley's mantra to herself.

"Just Believe," echoed through her mind and touched the wounded place in her heart where her love for Wade laid. This moment they had shared had been small but it had meant so much to her to see him look at her without hate and disgust on his face. She busied herself with straightening up the office while he worked at her desk. When he was finished he turned to her and told her he had found no other mistakes and then joined her in the task of cleaning up her office. She thanked him for checking her work and made a greater effort to keep the conversation going between them. When she had run out of things for them to do she gathered her belongings.

"Let's call it a day, Wade," she told him as she pulled on her gloves and coat.

"Do you think dinner will be ready when we get home?" he asked as he shrugged into his own coat.

She glanced at the clock on the wall, "If it isn't you shouldn't have long to wait, why do you ask?"

"I'm hungry," he answered.

"You always seem to be hungry," she replied with a laugh.

"That's what Uncle Rhett says about you."

"I'm sure Uncle Rhett says plenty about me," she answered as she followed him out of the office. She took a chance and laid her hand on his shoulder as they moved through the store. He didn't shy away from her touch but she didn't want to push her luck and she removed her hand after a moment.

At least things were looking up in the area of her son, or at least they seemed to be for the moment. She found herself wishing the same for her marriage and her mind once again slipped down that path of thinking about life once Rhett was gone again. She felt as though a weight had been tied around her neck that was dragging her down leaving her struggling to keep her head above water. As she sat in the carriage staring blankly at the passing scenery she tried to understand the feelings that swirled inside her. Scarlett knew she must let him go and yet she was overcome with need for him. She wanted to immerse herself in every moment she could cling to with Rhett as if she could soak up enough of him to last her the rest of her life. She couldn't do that without him thinking she was trying to trap him however. She should try to distance herself from him she told herself but the thought was dismissed as soon as it entered her mind. There would be enough distance between them soon enough. As the carriage pulled up in front of the house she felt a sense of despair settle over her. She barely registered the fact that Wade had jumped out of the carriage and held out his hand to her to assist her down. She smiled and thanked him as if nothing was wrong and followed him into the house.

"Perhaps I should have gone on the stage," she thought. "God knows I do plenty of acting."

Scarlett tried to clear her mind as she sat down to dinner that evening. She could feel Rhett's eyes watching her as she picked at her food. She turned her face towards him and gave him the best smile she could muster. He shot her a look that told her he could see right through her and that faking a smile was a waste of time. She shrugged lightly returning his look silently telling him that she didn't really think she could fool him but had made the effort anyway.

It always amazed her how they could say so much to each other without even saying a word. They knew each others thoughts and mannerisms so well that single look could say everything. How that connection stayed so strong during the time they had been apart was beyond her. Eventually Rhett turned his attention away from her and focused on Wade.

"How was your day, Wade?" he asked hoping the boy hadn't caused Scarlett trouble which had lead to her quite demeanor.

"It was good, Uncle Rhett" he answered, a light shimmering in his eyes that piqued Rhett's interest.

"Did something exciting occur?" Rhett asked. "You seem like you have something to share."

Wade looked towards Scarlett, "May I tell him, Mother?"

A genuine smile spread across her face putting Rhett's worries about Wade at ease.

"If it pleases you to do so," she answered a hint of laughter in her voice.

"I helped Mother with the ledgers today," he told Rhett proudly.

He was surprised at Wade's statement and obvious happiness. He cast a look at his wife who was now beaming happily at her eldest child.

"How did you come to manage that my boy? Your Mother rarely lets me see her ledgers," he answered with a smile.

"She was making mistakes," the boy answered amusement dancing in his eyes at catching his mother being less than perfect at business.

"Really?" Rhett responded giving Scarlett a questioning glance.

Wade nodded, "I noticed the mistakes in her book and she let me check over all her work."

It was obvious that Scarlett's faith in him regarding the task had filled the boy with pride and may have even put a crack in the wall between them.

"You were a great help to me today, Wade," Scarlett answered joining in the conversation.

There was a sense of contentment in his features as he took in her words of praise.

"Your mother must think very highly of your abilities to give you such an important job," Rhett answered.

"He's a very smart young man," Scarlett stated before taking a sip of her tea. "I'm very proud to have such a son."

He smiled at both of them and returned to his meal. She watched him with love and hopefulness in her eyes that didn't go unnoticed by Rhett.

"What about me, Mama? Are you proud of me?" Ella asked not wanting to be left out.

Scarlett laughed, "Of course I am, Ella. Both of my children are smart and good looking. I am a very lucky mother."

Rhett chuckled, "What about me? Are you proud of me?"

She smirked, "I'll have to get back to you on that one. I'll have to give it some thought."

"Do I at least get smart and good looking?" he asked mischief in his eyes.

She turned her blazing smile on him, the real one this time and answered, "Oh I'll give you good looking but as for being smart that is still to be seen."

"Such charming wit you have Mrs. Butler," he responded with a laugh.

She laughed lightly, her eyes beginning to cloud over once more as she returned her focus to her plate.

He studied her as he went through a list of things that wouldn't be the cause of her troubled mind. It obviously wasn't Wade or Ella. Her bank accounts were full, the store was thriving, the house was warm and the pantry well stocked. Tara was well cared for and she had plenty of clothes and baubles to make her happy which left only him to be her problem. A sigh of remorse escaped him, he should've known.

Rhett kept his eye on her all evening even going as far as following her around as she said her goodnights to the children. He was racking his brain trying to discern if he had done something to upset her. He couldn't recall doing anything offensive and he felt certain that if he had Scarlett would've made a point of telling him. She seemed to be holding something back all of a sudden and it bothered him He had quickly grown accustomed to her openness and honesty and for her to suddenly close up seemed strange. As he sat in his room giving her time to change for bed he pondered her behavior.

There had been something in her eyes that evening when she looked at him but he couldn't figure out what it was. At one time Scarlett's green eyes could tell him everything he needed to know but now when he looked into him he only saw what she allowed him to see while the rest remained hidden in a sea of scars that littered her soul.

Figuring she had enough time to change he left his room and entered hers intent on making her confess her troubles. Rhett said nothing as he walked across the room to where she stood gazing out the window. Stepping behind her he slid his arms around her waist, his hands resting on her flat stomach.

The word 'comfort' entered her head as she allowed her body to relax against him and her hand to cover one of his own.

"Wade seemed to be thinking better of you today," he said breaking the silence of the room.

"Yes, I finally did something right."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Scarlett," he whispered breathing in the lavender scent of her hair.

"He seemed so happy to catch my mistakes and check things over for me," she answered softly.

"It was a smart move to allow him to do so. "

"Do you think so?"

"Yes, it shows him you trust him and that's something he needs."

"I'm glad I made those errors Rhett. It's been so long since he's shown me anything other than hate. I'm honestly thinking of making a mistake or two tomorrow," she told him.

"That's a good idea, my dear."

"Is it?" she asked wanting his approval.

"Yes, checking the ledgers for you makes him feel needed and that's what we want. If he thinks you need him in some capacity it will make him think twice about leaving."

"Oh Rhett, do you really think it will change his mind?"

"It's certainly possible. Boys that age want to be needed but they don't want to be treated as children. He's grown up in a world that has taught him to be of assistance to helpless women my dear, seeing that you make mistakes in an area where you demand perfection may put you in the light of being in need of his help which will make him reluctant to leave you and his sister whom I sure he's classified as completely helpless."

"All of that can come from checking my numbers?" she asked with uncertainty.

"There's more to it than that my pet. Allowing him to look over the books shows him that you don't see him as a little boy any longer. He knows now that you see him as a young man and treat him as such. You're playing all the right cards, Scarlett, just keep doing what you've been doing and things should turn out nicely."

"I hope you're right," she answered as her fingers caressed the tan skin of his hand.

He dropped a kiss onto her hair, "It's not like you to be making mistakes in your book keeping my pet."

"I had things on my mind," she replied.

"We're going to have to do something about that mind of yours, Scarlett," he answered.

"What do you suggest?"

"I can only offer temporary solutions, my dear," he told her as he gave in to the temptation to brush her hair aside and kiss her neck.

"Temporary is better than nothing," she murmured.

"Whats troubling you tonight Scarlett?"

"Nothing" she lied unsure of what to say or how to explain.

"You haven't lied to me in all this time, Scarlett, why start now?" he answered tightening his hold on her sure she'd try to walk away.

When she made no move to escape his hold the remembrance of the look in her eyes seemed a little clearer and he began to piece it together.

"Let's try it again my dear, the truth this time. Whats bothering you?"

"You," she whispered.

"That's what I thought" he replied.

"Then why did you ask?"

"I wanted to see if you would admit it."

She said nothing but continued to stroke his hand. Her face was reflected in the glass of the window allowing him to see the melancholy thoughts on her features.

"Have I done something to offend you?" he asked knowing that he hadn't.

"No."

"Is my presence becoming a bother to you?"

"No, Rhett. I think that it should be obvious that I like you being here."

"Then why am I causing your mind such torment today my pet?" he asked as the puzzle came together and he realized that thoughts of his leaving were plaguing her.

"I don't know, Rhett."

"I think you do, Scarlett."

She took in a sharp breath. "It isn't something I can explain."

"You can say it you know," he whispered placing another kiss against the exposed skin of her neck.

"Say what," she whispered obviously affected by his kiss.

"That you want me to spend the night with you," he answered seriously offering the only thing he could give her at the moment.

"What makes you think I want that?" she asked her heart beginning to race.

His hands gripped her waist and spun her around to face. Before she could even ask what he was doing his lips were on hers kissing her passionately. She didn't bother to fight it as she returned his kiss with equal intensity in hopes of quelling the ache that had been building in her heart. Pulling away from her he looked down into her bright eyes glowing with desire.

"That's why I think you want it."

"Is that the temporary solution you had in mind?" she asked feeling the heat of his hands as they moved over her satin clad figure.

"Yes," he answered his voice low and quiet as his lips captured hers once more. "Is it what you want?" he asked.

The phrase temporary solution ran through her mind as she thought of what she wanted. She needed him, of that she was certain and if she could only have him temporarily than so be it. Slowly she nodded moving a hand to his face.

"Say it," he whispered turning his face to kiss the hand she had cupped his cheek with.

"I want to be with you tonight, Rhett," she answered taking care not to voice the rest of the thought of wanting to be with him every night.

She wondered briefly if she had made the right decision but quickly dismissed the thought as his swift fingers slid the wide satin strap of her blue nightgown from her shoulder. As he lowered his head to kiss the skin he had exposed she buried her fingers in his dark hair. Closing her eyes she reveled in the feel of his hands on her, the way his kisses felt upon her skin. Perhaps this was what she wanted she thought to herself as he returned his attention to her mouth.

Making love to Rhett wouldn't solve her problem, but it couldn't hurt she figured. She could lose herself for awhile, taking the comfort and pleasure he was offering. When it was over she could fall asleep next to him knowing that for a few hours he had belonged to her once more. If she woke up alone it would be a small price to pay to rid herself of this feeling that been nagging her all day.

"It's alright, Scarlett," he whispered as he led her to her bed.

"At least it will be for tonight," she answered as she brought his face back to hers drawing him in for a kiss.


	19. A Beacon In The Night

Chapter 18- A Beacon In The Night

As Rhett laid next to his sleeping wife that night he couldn't help but notice how the moonlight spilled through the curtains and settled upon the gold wedding band on her finger. There had been moments when he had regretted placing that ring on her finger but it seemed that feeling had passed with time leaving in its wake a man who was uncertain where the future laid. Freedom still held some allure, but then again so did the woman next to him. Running a hand through his tousled hair he felt the stirrings of frustration. The year and two months he had spent without Scarlett had left him feeling empty and yet at the same time he resented still feeling tied to her. Would the feeling of emptiness vanish if he were no longer bound to her? Would seeing her signature on divorce papers drown the love he had for her and banish her from his thoughts? He doubted he'd ever really be rid of Scarlett's spell rather they remained married or not.

He knew she wanted more than a night from him; that she wanted the lifetime he had promised her but had kept herself from saying so. He was glad she had held back in that respect. He realized if she asked him to stay permanently he'd either crumble and give in or he'd allow the dark side of himself to come into play and throw hateful words at her before walking away. He didn't want to do that. Reaching out he ran a finger across the smooth metal of her ring. He found himself wondering when she had stopped wearing her engagement ring. He hadn't seen it the entire time he had been home. Her hand looked oddly vacant without his large diamond and emerald ring upon it. Thinking back he could only recall her removing it once before and that had been in the late stages of her pregnancy with Bonnie.

He could still see her sitting in bed that night tugging at the gaudy thing, desperately trying to remove it from her swollen fingers.

_Aggravation furrowed her brow as she desperately kept pulling. Tears brimming in her eyes she turned to him._

"_Help me, Rhett," she pleaded._

_Taking her hand in his he grasped the ring and pulled but without much success. _

"_Scarlett, are you sure it's normal for your fingers to be swelling?" he asked as he continued to work with the ring. "Maybe we should send for Dr. Meade."_

"_Gods nightgown, Rhett, I have been through this twice before in case you haven't noticed," she exclaimed._

_He smiled at her, "You're right I'm sure you know what's normal and what isn't forgive me for doubting you, my pet."_

"_Just get the ring off, Rhett, I can't stand it it's driving me crazy."_

"_I'm trying, Scarlett, but it isn't budging."_

"_Try harder!" she complained. "Don't worry about hurting me just get it off."_

_He pulled harder but still couldn't get the ring to slide over her knuckle. _

"_I hate to tell you this but we may have to have it cut off my dear."_

"_Over my dead body!" she cried._

"_That's a dangerous phrase, Scarlett, you better watch saying it around me," he said with a laugh meaning it as joke. _

_Scarlett however saw no humor in it and began to cry. He mentally slapped himself for saying such a thing knowing she had been so sensitive the past few weeks._

"_Don't cry honey, I was only joking," he told her softly._

"_I don't like those types of jokes, Rhett."_

"_I know, I have to stop teasing you or we are all liable to drown from all the tears you've been shedding."_

_Anger flashed across her face, her mood turning once again, "I can't help it!" she exclaimed_

"_I know you can't help it, Scarlett. I just don't remember you being this emotional when you were carrying Ella."_

"_You weren't around the entire time I was pregnant with Ella."_

"_That's true. I suppose I missed the crying jags."_

"_There were plenty of them," she answered, her mood seeming to calm._

"_I hope Frank got treated just as badly as me in all this," he stated._

"_Worse," she answered. "In fact I think you're getting off easy, Rhett Butler."_

_He smirked, "I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut."_

"_That would be nice."_

"_Come now my dear, it won't be much longer and really it hasn't been that bad."_

"_Oh you think so?" she asked sarcastically._

_Rhett nodded still trying to remove her ring._

"_Next time we have a baby you carry it since you think it's so easy." _

_He couldn't help the laughter that spilled from him at her statement. He looked to her face expecting tears or anger but found a smile spreading across her face followed by giggles._

"_That's better. Perhaps if we laugh about it things won't seem so bad," he told her once he got himself under control._

_Her eyes softened, "I am sorry, Rhett, I try not to be so emotional but it comes out anyway."_

"_It's alright, I don't take it personally."_

"_I hope you don't," she answered quietly._

"_Hold on, Scarlett, I have an idea," he told her as he left their bed. Returning he carried a basin of water and a bar of soap._

"_I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner, my pet," he stated as he placed her hand in the basin and began lathering soap on it._

"_Probably because you were too busy trying to be funny to be of any real help to me," she complained._

"_I thought you were trying to control those outbursts?" he teased bringing a smile back to her face._

"_Are you going to be disappointed if it's a girl, Rhett?" she asked looking at him with a touch of worry in her eyes._

"_Of course not. In fact I'd probably prefer it. Boys are trouble you know."_

"_I'm glad to hear that," she answered. "I'm pretty sure we're having a girl."_

"_And why are you so certain of that, Mrs. Butler?" he asked as he began to slide her engagement ring up her finger bringing her wedding band with it._

"_I'm sure because I wasn't this emotional when I was carrying Wade but I was with Ella."_

"_Then I shall go out tomorrow and buy dresses and pink bows," he answered with a laugh._

"_Don't be silly," she chided as her rings finally slipped from her finger._

"_There you are my dear, your gallant husband has ended your distress," he told her as he held up the rings._

_He expected to see relief on her face but saw a frown instead._

"_Whats wrong now?" he asked_

"_You took off my wedding band."_

"_I figured if one ring was bothering you than both of them were whats the problem."_

"_I don't like to be without my wedding ring, Rhett," she answered._

"_Scarlett, you're going to be the death of me," he replied._

He chuckled softly at the memory. It was funny how good memories seemed to stand out more than the bad ones lately he mused. There were more good memories than he had expected between them but with their remembrance came the regret of things he hadn't saw at the time he occurred. If he had looked hard enough years ago he would've saw the subtle changes in Scarlett's demeanor. He would've realized that while her mind clung stubbornly to the dream of Ashley Wilkes her heart in all actuality had belonged to him all along.

"You're a damn fool," he said to himself. He was always too worried about her having the upper hand to realize that if he gave her the attention she craved she would've figured things out sooner and perhaps they wouldn't be staring divorce in the face. She hadn't pulled the tricks other women would've used. She didn't lie and profess undying love for him when he proposed. She had been honest with him right from the start. He had been the liar in their marriage, the adulterer, the one who ran and abandoned them. Belle had been right; he had to take responsibility for his role in their demise. It was a larger role than he had imagined.

Now they were caught in this web and he wasn't sure how to free them. Now he knew why he had avoided marriage for so long. Sighing he kissed her cheek gently and left her bed. He dressed quickly and retreated to his room. Leaving her like that again wasn't right but there was something he needed to do. Once in his room he took Scarlett's box of letters from the shelf in the closet and moved to his desk and sat down. Opening the bottom drawer he withdrew a flask of whiskey and a glass. Pouring his drink he prepared himself for what would lie in Scarlett's words. As the hours passed by and letter after letter was opened he began to understand the ramifications of his actions. There before him documented in black and white was her transformation into the woman he had found when he returned to Atlanta. Twenty eight letters lay before him with every emotion possible contained from begging to anger, hopefulness to acceptance. Her words asking for forgiveness and understanding were there just as she said they would be. Phrases from various missives stuck stood out and stuck in his mind.

The last lines of the letter she had written when she received the divorce papers had struck him as though he had been slapped.

'_Hell will freeze over before I divorce you, Rhett Butler. You wanted me and now I'm yours for the rest of your life and I hope it's as miserable as you've made mine.'_

The entire letter had been scathing and full of pain. The writing was shaky making him wonder if her hand had shook from tears or alcohol. He didn't hold her words against her. He had hurt her badly and deliberately and he deserved every cruel thing she had written.

A month later she had written lamenting her twenty-ninth birthday. She confessed to wishing for a second chance when she had blown out the candles on the cake that the servants had made her. She told of how she knew it was a wish made in vain much like the letter she was writing that he would never read. It was the line that told of why she kept writing that touched him the most.

'_I'm just not ready to let you go, Rhett.'_

Was she ready to let him go now? He wondered. Was that why she offered him the deal? If the evening they had shared was any indication it didn't seem like she was ready to let go. Her eyes still held love despite her attempts to suppress it. He wondered what it would feel like to look into her eyes and see finality in them. For some reason he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

The one thing in her letters that remained consistent was a simple phrase. '_I still love you'. _She used that phrase in every letter except one as if it would shine like a beacon that would guide him home to her.

Taking out a few sheets of paper and ink he began to compose a response to Scarlett's letters. It was long past due but he felt he couldn't ignore them any longer. When he finished he placed it into an envelope and sealed it writing her name across the front. Quietly he slipped across the hallway and entered her room placing the letter on her vanity. He gazed at her for a moment before retreating back to his own room.

* * *

She laid awake that morning making no move to get out of bed. She had been wrong; she didn't feel any better, the feeling of despair still sat upon her heart. Waking up to an empty bed hadn't come as a surprise to her, she had gone to sleep expecting it to be this way. Rolling over she clutched the pillow Rhett had laid on against her. The scent of cologne and cigars filled her nose as she buried her face in it. This wasn't going to be easy and she scolded herself for not thinking things through before she invited Rhett home for Christmas. She hadn't really thought that he would come, in fact she had expected the letter to come back unopened like the rest so she hadn't allowed her mind to think over the full effect of his homecoming. Now the end was staring her in the face, her heart ripping into shreds once more. When he had come home she had expected that he'd treat her with the cool politeness that marked the last days they had been together.

She hadn't expected them to become so cozy or the renewal of their friendship. She had figured they would spend the month putting on a front for the children and then fight in private like they always had. She was grateful that things between them had been relatively smooth but getting along came at a price. Letting go was going to hurt more than she imagined but she didn't want to think about that now, she'd think about it tomorrow. Gathering her strength she left her bed and began to ready for the day ahead.

After Pansy had dressed her she dismissed her saying that she'd see to her hair on her own. Sitting down at her vanity her eyes fell upon the crisp white envelope with her name written across it in Rhett's bold script. Her heart thudded against her ribs and she held her breath as she tore it open. Unfolding the letter she began to read.

_Scarlett,_

_Stop holding your breath and breathe my pet, I haven't taken it into my head to desert you in the middle of the night. Before I begin allow me to apologize for not being at your side when you woke this morning. The time had come for me to read your letters, my dear and that's how I spent my night once I left your bed. I realized I've been a poor correspondent for you and I sat out to rectify that once I had finished reading. Yes, Scarlett, that means this is the replies I denied you._

_Let's begin with your letters berating me about missing the children's birthdays. There isn't much I can say except that I'm sorry. Ella's birthday came so quickly on the heels of my departure that the only excuse I can offer about not sending her anything is that I was too drunk to realize the date. When Wade's birthday came around I didn't feel I could acknowledge it knowing I hadn't done the same for Ella. When October came once again I didn't know what to do and so I opted for nothing figuring it was best. You asked me if it gave me pleasure to disappoint your children and the answer is no. I gained nothing but disgust with myself knowing that I hurt them. While we're on the subject of birthdays I also apologize for missing yours even if you didn't expect me to acknowledge it. By the way my pet you look even more beautiful at 29 than you did at 16. As for you being old I laugh. If you are old then I must be ancient. I did however find the letter from your birthday enlightening and I feel as though I have a better understanding of why you've done the things you did._

_I lost count of how many letters asked my forgiveness. I do forgive you Scarlett, and I beg of you to forgive me for the wrongs I committed that lead to our downfall. I am truly sorry for the things I've done, for the cruel words, the lies, shutting you out of Bonnie's life and for helping to make you a social outcast. I always chided you for being childish not realizing that I acted the same way._

_Speaking of Bonnie let me say that I know you love her and she loved you. I know you don't blame me for her death, that the words you spoke were the product of grief and pain. I am the one who blames myself and I've learned to live with that. Knowing I kept her from you is something that weighs heavily upon my conscience however. I harbor a lot of guilt in that area Scarlett. I deprived you the knowledge that your daughter loved you and I deprived her of your affection. I took her away from you and had three months with her that you weren't apart of and I can never atone for that. _

_The letter written on Valentine's Day was scathing to say the least but I deserved it. You're right I sent you divorce papers because I wanted to hurt you and I knew that was the best way to accomplish it. I wanted to rid you from my life and seeing your handwriting upon a piece of mail enraged me. You were making it impossible to forget you and I had to find away to make you stop and I knew you would once you saw the word divorce._

_In the missive you wrote on the one year anniversary of my leaving you, you asked several questions. You asked if I ever laid awake thinking of you. The answer is yes, more times than I can count. In fact I was lying awake thinking of you the night you wrote that letter. You also asked if I missed you. I'm not ashamed to admit that there were times when I missed you. As for replacing you, my dear I would never even attempt to find someone for the sole purpose of replacing you because frankly it isn't possible. You've been a part of my life for so long that you'll never be erased from it Scarlett, no matter what happens._

_Some things you wrote about we already spoke of so there's no reason to rehash those things. I know you're hurting Scarlett, I know your mind is still troubled and I don't quite know how to ease it. I want you to rest assured that no matter what I'll always be here for you and I'll always see to it that you're taken care of. These days ahead of us seem daunting but we'll make it through my dear._

_-Rhett_

She folded his letter and put it away. His words had touched her and disappointed her at the same time. She felt better knowing she had his forgiveness and yet she wanted more. She wanted him to say that he had some kind of feeling left for her, not words that sounded as though she were an obligation to him. His apologies she took to heart. Those had been words she needed. Someone knocked at her door.

"What is it?" she called

"Are we going to work, Mother?" Wade's voice asked.

Startled she glanced at the clock and realized she had missed breakfast.

"I'll be right down," she answered as she hurried to fix her hair.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs Rhett was waiting.

"Are you alright, Scarlett?" he asked concern on his face.

"I'm fine," she answered.

"You missed breakfast."

"I know I had some reading to do," she answered leveling her gaze on his.

"I take it you found my letter," he responded.

"Yes I did."

"And?"

"Thank you," she replied her tone revealing no emotion.

"That's all you have to say about it?" he said his voice taking on a harsh tone.

"What do you want me to say, Rhett? I read it and I'm grateful for your apologies and I'm glad you've finally given me forgiveness."

"But you found it lacking in some respect right?"

"I didn't particularly care for the part where you acted as though I were an obligation that you must tend to for the rest of your life."

"What are you talking about, Scarlett? I never said you were an obligation."

"You may not have said those exact words but that's how you made it sound with your talk of making sure I'm cared for."

His face took on a look of anger, "I was only trying to assure you that you didn't need to worry about anything; that my money would still be at your disposal if you needed it."

Scarlett scoffed, "Do you really think that's whats bothering me Rhett? Do you seriously think its money that's on my mind!" she exclaimed

"Money is always at the forefront of your mind my pet so naturally I assumed you were worried about the future of your finances," he lied. They both knew this wasn't about money or the way he had worded the end of his letter. It went deeper than that but he wasn't going to be the one to bring it up.

"Well you're wrong. Money's the last thing that's been on my mind," she cried.

"Then tell me my dear what has been on your mind?" he asked baiting her.

"If you don't know I'm not going to spell it out for you."

"Fine Scarlett, have it your way. I was trying to make you feel better with the promise that I'd be here if you needed me. I should've known you wouldn't appreciate the gesture or the fact that I took the time to read and answer your letters."

"I do appreciate it Rhett, it's just..."

"It's just what?" he asked sharply.

She blinked rapidly and he realized she was blinking back tears.

"It's just that I always want what I can't have," she answered quietly as she looked at him with regret in her eyes.

His anger dissipated somewhat and he felt foolish for making so much out of her reaction. Now tension once again hung in the air breaking the fragile web of contentment that had grown between them. When he said nothing she moved past him and walked swiftly to the door where Wade was standing with his back to the scene acting as though he hadn't heard anything.

"Let's go to work, Wade," she said softly as she opened the door and gestured for him to go ahead of her. Stepping outside she glanced back at Rhett. He was still standing where she left him. She saw his inner conflict play across his features but she couldn't find it in herself to be sorry for it. If he hadn't asked about the letter she wouldn't have said anything. This argument was on his shoulders not hers she thought as she closed the door behind her and went to join Wade in the carriage.

Rhett stood at the bottom of the stairs thinking about Scarlett's last statement for awhile. He understood now why she had been disappointed in his letter and why she had chosen to purposely misinterpret his words to her. She had obviously wanted his letter to tell her that he still held some type of affection for her. She wasn't asking him to stay but she wanted to know that she had been loved and that she still had claim to a piece of his heart. Scarlett was offering him what she figured was his greatest wish and he couldn't even give her a simple declaration of affection.

He wasn't stupid; he knew money had never been what was clouding her mind. He knew she didn't want him to leave but he put on a guise of not knowing and used money to keep the truth hidden. He couldn't dare tell her he knew, that would be far too dangerous. He hadn't wanted to quarrel with her though especially when there only a few days remaining of their deal. Finally he moved from his spot and climbed the stairs intent on fetching Ella and taking her out for awhile. He'd have to go to Scarlett and see if he could smooth things over with her. Maybe if he pretended that it hadn't happened she'd play along and spare him from further apologizing. After all he seemed to be doing a lot of apologizing lately and it was getting tiring.

* * *

Scarlett stood behind the counter looking out at the store. Wade seemed to be working even more diligently than he had been. She wondered if it had been because of her argument with Rhett that morning. He had acted like he hadn't noticed anything amiss during their ride to the store; he was being kind and respectful to her as though he knew her feelings needed soothing. He had taken her instructions and completed task after task quickly and correctly. It didn't escape her notice that the rest of her employees had seemed to gauge her mind and were following Wade's lead of being extra kind and working a bit harder.

While watching Wade she noticed that he kept looking over his shoulder. Following his glance she noticed two boys his age a few feet from him. She recognized them as Hugh Davidson and James McKenzie and they also kept shooting glances in Wade's direction. Their mothers often shopped in her store and she knew the boys went to school with Wade. Picking up on his expression as he looked at the boys she realized he would like to be friends with them. Scarlett desperately wanted to make that happen and she quickly formed an idea.

"Wade," she called softly but loud enough for the boys to hear her.

"Yes, Mother," he answered as he came to the counter. His eyes locked on hers and she got his silent message not to embarrass him.

"I was just thinking about how you been such a big help too me these last few days. You know some boys your age won't so much as help their mother carry packages or mind their younger siblings for a moment," she began; looking at Hugh and James from the coroner of her eye. They had squirmed at her words just as she hoped. She had heard them being scolded often enough for being unhelpful.

"And here you are giving up your free time to help me," she continued.

"Your welcome," Wade answered uncertainty in his voice about what she was doing.

"I think you deserve a break," she told him going to the cash box and withdrawing a few coins. "Why don't you run down to the café and have a piece of that chocolate cake your so fond of."

Wade smiled at her, "But what about my work?" he asked

"Oh don't worry about that, you've done plenty," she replied shoving a coin in his hand.

"Alright," he answered and began to turn away.

"Wait," she called causing him to turn back.

"Here take a few more coins, maybe you'll run into some friends and you can treat them to some cake while you discuss what you got for Christmas."

Wade accepted her coins and moved away from the counter. She watched Hugh and James share a look and then run after Wade calling a greeting to him. Wade looked so happy as he stopped and chatted for a moment and then invited them along with him. Her heart felt light watching the three boys run out the door and down the street.

"Very smooth, my pet," Rhett's voice whispered in her ear making her jump.

"God's nightgown, Rhett, you just appear out of thin air," she exclaimed as she went into her office with him following behind her.

He laughed at her and took a seat, "You shamed those boys and then bought them off with cake."

"Whatever works," she replied

"You're getting good at blackmail, Scarlett."

"Whats that supposed to mean?" she asked sharply.

"Just what I said," he replied.

"Are you saying I blackmailed you, Rhett?"

"Didn't you with your little deal?"

"No."

"Come now, Scarlett, you knew what to say to make me come home. You blackmailed me with the same thing I used against you."

"I most certainly did not!" she cried

"Don't play dumb with me, Scarlett, you knew I'd come once you put those papers out as bait."

"I knew no such thing. I didn't think for a moment you would actually come. I figured the letter would come back unopened. I wasn't even going to send it."

"Why?" he asked remaining casual as her temper flared.

"I don't know, I guess I wanted to see if you'd respond."

"I guess you didn't think things through did you?"

"What are you doing here, Rhett," she demanded in effort to change the subject.

He shrugged, "Can't a man come to see his wife?"

"Not when you come with the purpose of arguing with me."

"I didn't come with the intent of continuing our disagreement, Scarlett."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I came to ask you to lunch," he replied ignoring her comment.

"Why?" she asked. "Do you really think I'd be good company for you at the moment."

"In all honesty you weren't my first choice. I had a date with a beautiful young redhead but she got a better offer and left me with no choice but to ask my charming wife."

"Where is my daughter?" Scarlett asked her face showing how unamused she was with him.

"While we were out this morning she ran into a friend named Helen Coldridge and her mother. They asked her to spend the day with them and the idea seemed more appealing to her than spending the day with me so I let her go. I hope that's alright with you."

"It's fine. Helen is her best friend."

Rhett nodded, "I'll pick her up before dinner. Now are you going to lunch with me or not?"

"No," she answered taking him by surprise.

"No?" he repeated.

"No," she stated again.

"Come on, Scarlett, have lunch with me. You didn't have breakfast and you picked at your food yesterday."

"I'm fine."

"You know that when you don't eat like you usually do you wake up screaming from that damn nightmare of yours."

"I'll take my chances," she responded.

"Fine," he answered getting up to leave. "Don't come crying to me when you wake up in the middle of the night from your run in with fog and missed opportunities."

"Don't worry, Rhett, I wont. I've dealt with it on my own for the past fourteen months I don't need to run to you."

With one last glare he stormed from her office and left the store. How quickly things went downhill she mused. She knew fighting him was pointless but her nerves were frayed and her feelings raw. The tension had returned to her neck and she didn't see a clear way for things to end well. She let out a frustrated breath and returned to her work.

* * *

That night after the house was quiet Scarlett sat at her desk writing to Carreen. She sat in her chair tapping the pen lightly on the desk trying to compose her thoughts. She listened to the quiet and admitted to herself that the real reason she was up at midnight writing a letter was because she was afraid to go to bed. She feared Rhett would be right and her nightmare would creep up and haunt her. She could handle it alone but knowing Rhett was so close would tempt her to seek him out and she couldn't do that after the way they argued.

A noise startled her and she looked up to find Rhett sitting on the edge of her desk.

"I'm sorry," he stated quietly

"So am I," she answered wanting to put it behind them. She returned her gaze to the paper before her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Writing to Carreen."

She saw his eyes glancing at the paper as if he wasn't sure to believe her. She flipped it over so he could see the greeting and put his mind at ease.

"I didn't think you gave her much thought," he answered.

"You don't know everything," she replied.

Tense silence fell between them. After a moment his hand reached out and caressed her face before taking hold of her chin and making her look at him.

"There's something I want you to know," he said his voice soothing.

"What is it?"

"You've been on my mind everyday since the day I laid eyes on you and I don't ever see that changing, Scarlett. I'm sure I'll probably go to my grave with you on my mind."

"I don't understand," she whispered.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm always going to care about you my dear. Nothing in our past has been so wicked that it's erased that feeling."

She offered him a small smile, "Thank you, Rhett."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner."

"I forgive you," she answered.

"One more thing," he stated.

"Yes?"

"You can go to bed; I'll be there to rescue you if your dreams torment you."

"You don't have to," she answered.

Leaning forward, he kissed her lips, "I want to."

She allowed him to escort her from her office and pausing outside her bedroom door he kissed her once more.

"Sweet dreams, Scarlett."

"We can only hope," she replied.

"I'll be here if you need me," he told her moving in the direction of his own room letting her know he was giving her her space that night.

"Goodnight," she called softly before entering her room. She went to bed hoping they could recapture the feeling of peace that had surrounded them before their argument.


	20. Close Your Eyes Its Almost Here

Chapter 19 - Close Your Eyes, It's Almost Here

December 31, 1874

Scarlett squeezed her eyes shut wishing desperately that she could pull the covers over her head and go back to sleep. She didn't want to face this day. She didn't want to face tomorrow or the next one either but she couldn't hide in her bed forever. She had to get up and face the world, but more importantly she had to get up and face these last days with Rhett and the life she would be leading without him. She buried her face in the pillow.

"How am I going to get through this?" she asked herself. The tension had faded from their argument but Scarlett wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Maybe if there was tension it wouldn't be so hard to walk away and yet as the idea passed into her mind she dismissed it. It was going to be hard no matter what feelings were involved. She was going to be permanently disgraced once news of the divorce spread. She wasn't particularly worried about what other people would think of her, they already thought lowly of her and divorce wouldn't be a far fall from their already low opinion of her character. It was what she thought of herself that bothered her. She didn't like the idea of being a divorced woman; she couldn't even stand the taste of the words on her tongue.

Divorce would be proof of what a failure she had turned out to be. She had failed at being a wife not just to Rhett but to Charles and Frank too. It was a sobering thought and one that brought realization that she hadn't made many people happy in her life. Her mother would be so ashamed to have her daughter bring the disgrace of divorce upon her family. Ellen O'Hara had definitely gone wrong somewhere for her eldest child to turn out so badly, Scarlett thought, or maybe she had been bad from birth. She didn't know and she wasn't sure she cared. The things she had done were cemented in the past and she couldn't change them now. She couldn't ask Rhett to stay, she couldn't tell him she loved him and she sure as hell couldn't back out of the deal now.

She threw back the covers and forced herself out of bed. "Being cowardly is Rhett's job not mine," she bereted herself as she rang for Pansy to dress her.

She'd get through this somehow. The only problem was how she was going to handle being alone with him all evening. The children always occupied their time after dinner sparring Scarlett from having to spend too much time on her own with Rhett but when an invitation from Helen came for Ella asking her to a small party and then to spend the night she hadn't the heart to tell her no. Figuring she'd still have Wade to keep things grounded. How wrong she'd been. Scarlett had just finished a quick reply of acceptance for Ella when a second invitation arrived for Wade from his new friend James McKenzie who was also having friends over for the evening. Nothing in the world was going to make her keep Wade from that gathering and so she had written another reply and both her children were happy and excited. Their mother on the other hand wasn't excited for the New Year and happiness was an emotion she didn't often experience. Why did she always end up in messes like this she wondered as Pansy pulled her stays tightly and then pulled the dark blue gown she had chosen over her head. She shouldn't have asked him to come home. She shouldn't have offered her signature; she should've just left things as they were.

But then she thought of how happy Wade and Ella had been since he arrived, how he had been helping her with Wade and his rebellion. She wouldn't have known what to do if Rhett hadn't been there to step in. She thought of their late night talks, all the things she finally got to say to him, their laughter, how good it felt to be with him. She thought of the way he had teased her, kissed her and made love to her and with all those things combined she figured that no matter how badly she'd hurt come the second of January it would be worth it.

No one could ever take his place. No one could ever fill her heart or her mind like Rhett. When the children were grown she'd be all alone in the house he built her surrounded by the ghosts of the past. She'd never know peace without Rhett but maybe that was her punishment for the way she had lived her life. She didn't feel she deserved that harsh of a sentence but life wasn't fair was it?

"Maybe I should just avoid him," she thought but she knew she couldn't. Rhett wouldn't allow that. Rubbing the back of her neck she left her room. She'd think of someway to endure these last days.

Rhett stopped her outside the dining room. "I wanted to talk to you before breakfast, Scarlett."

"What about?" she asked.

"I figured since the children had plans for the night we may as well make some of our own."

"What did you have in mind?" she questioned.

"I thought that we could all go out for an early dinner before taking Wade and Ella to their destinations for the evening and then you and I could come back here and get ready for the party the hotel is having."

"I didn't know the hotel was having another party so soon," she answered as she thought over the idea.

"I didn't either until I came by there yesterday and saw the sign. The Christmas ball was such a success they decided to cash in on New Years," he replied.

"I'd cash in on it, too."

Rhett laughed, "I don't doubt that, my dear; but that's a whole other story. Are you in agreement of my plans?"

"Yes they sound fine, Rhett," she answered. A party would be just thing she needed she figured. It would keep them out of the house and there would be too much going on for her mind to dwell on unhappy thoughts.

"I didn't think you'd turn down a night of dancing," he replied.

"You're always just so sure of yourself aren't you?" she asked.

"Always," he smirked

"You might get surprised on these days, Rhett."

"By whom?" he asked

She shrugged and gave him her best southern belle smile, "Maybe me or maybe your next wife, only time will tell."

"There aren't going to be any other wives, Scarlett," he answered losing some of the humor in his voice.

She laughed trying to make light of the situation, "Come now, Rhett, surely some sweet young girl that's completely different from me will come along and sweep you off your feet."

"If I wanted someone different from you, I would've married long before I met you," he answered.

"But I'm obviously not what you wanted or needed so perhaps you wanted something else all along," she replied; wondering how she had let this conversation come about and why she was prolonging it. It must've been because of the way she had been thinking while she was upstairs. She had to stop thinking so much. It seemed to get her in as much trouble as not thinking did.

"Don't do this now, Scarlett," he stated darkly.

"When do you want me to do it?" she asked as she screamed at herself in her mind to stop.

"Never."

"What's the fun in that?" she asked. "Didn't you once tell me that marriage was supposed to be fun, Rhett?"

"I once told you too many damn things, Scarlett. I didn't count on you having such an extensive memory."

She smirked, "You always underestimated me didn't you?"

"I know you like a book, my pet."

"I don't think you know me as well as you think you do," she answered as she once again asked herself what the hell she was doing.

He studied her eyes trying to figure out what she was doing. Her face always held the answers and he could tell that she was just as surprised by the things she was saying as he was and he decided to let it pass without taking it personally.

"Are you done?" he asked not bothering to respond to her statement.

"God I hope so," she answered with such honesty that it made him laugh.

"Get up on the wrong side of the bed?" he questioned teasingly.

"I don't know what got into me, Rhett, maybe I should've stayed in bed like I wanted to."

"Why would you want to do that?" he asked as a mischievous glint came to his eyes "I could understand it if it were because I was lying next to you but since I wasn't you really have no excuse."

Her jaw dropped and she smacked his arm, "You really are a cad, Rhett Butler."

"Whenever the occasion calls for it, my dear."

She felt a smile spreading across her face. She would miss this.

Seeing her eyes take on the melancholy look they had held the other night he took her arm and pushed open the door to the dining room.

"Let's have breakfast, Scarlett; you can't afford to keep skipping meals."

"Just what are you saying?" she asked slightly offended as she took her place at the table.

"I'm saying you're getting a little too thin."

"I most certainly am not!" she cried.

"Fine let's get a second opinion. Ella how do you think your Mother looks?"

"Mama's beautiful," she answered receiving a smile from her mother.

"Thank you darling, you're beautiful too."

"I should've known better. You women always stick together," Rhett answered.

"You're just mad because you got outvoted," she replied.

"Not so fast my dear, we still have one person left to ask. Wade, what's your take on the situation?"

Wade looked at Rhett and then to Scarlett for a long moment. Scarlett wasn't sure if she wanted to hear his answer. Finally he turned his gaze back to Rhett.

"Mother has always been pretty," he answered.

Scarlett beamed, "Three to one, Rhett, you lose."

"But I never said you weren't beautiful, Scarlett. I said you were getting too thin."

"If I was they wouldn't think I was pretty," she answered.

"Alright I'll let you go on thinking your right."

"I don't think it I know it," she replied.

"You always have fancied yourself as a know it all," he answered watching her take a bite of eggs.

"No, honey, that's always been your area of expertise," she shot back good naturedly.

His breath caught momentarily at the term of endearment she had used. She wasn't one to use words like that often but when she did it was like a soft spring breeze washing over him.

He smiled at her but didn't reply. He turned his attention to his own breakfast that now tasted like sawdust in his mouth. He thought he had convinced himself that he could get through this with as little emotion as possible. 'Wrong again,' he thought as he observed Scarlett chatting with her children. The look of strain had returned to her face once more and she was picking at her food again. This wasn't going to be easy he surmised, but then again nothing between him and Scarlett had ever been easy so why should it be any different now.

* * *

Scarlett sat in her office at Kennedy's Emporium trying desperately to keep her mind focused on the numbers she was working in the books. Her mind was too weighted down and her heart's wounds were bothering her too much to ignore. She rubbed a hand across her forehead in aggravation and called for Wade. Sitting him behind her desk she gave him the task of looking over her work once again. She paced the room and watched quietly as he erased her errors and re-worked her columns. She couldn't deny that she was proud to have a son smart enough to correct her mistakes and knowing that doing it brought him happiness and seemed to humanize her in his eyes gave her a sense of contentment where there relationship was concerned. She was still praying that he'd chose to stay with her but if he didn't she'd let him go like she promised. She wouldn't like it but she wouldn't stand in his way.

Scarlett felt that no matter what happened with Wade she'd be able to continue working on their bond and perhaps draw him back to her eventually. Rhett on the other hand was a lost cause. She'd never be able to draw him back after this visit. She'd never have another chance to make things work, to make him understand and love her again. She let out a remorseful breath and thought of what she could do that would make her feel better. The answer to that question wasn't forthcoming and at the end of the day she was still undecided about what route to take.

Once the store was closed she called Wade into her office. He stood before her waiting patiently.

"This was your last day of work, you did a good job and I'm proud of you," she told him sincerely.

He returned her smile, "Thank you mother."

Reaching into the desk drawer she withdrew an envelope and handed it to him.

"What is it?" he asked

"Your pay," she answered.

"You're supposed to give that to Uncle Rhett."

"I know but I was thinking that maybe you should give it to him. Most men I know don't want their mother's taking care of their debts and I think it would show Rhett what you've learned if you were to give him the money yourself. Would you like to do that?"

He nodded, "Yes, I want to give it him myself."

"He should be here any minute to take us to dinner," she replied.

"I'm here now," his voice sounded from the door of the office, "Ella's waiting in the carriage."

Once they were seated in the carriage and on their way to the restaurant Wade handed Rhett the envelope.

"What's this?" he asked

"The money I owed you for the window, Uncle Rhett."

"Oh yes I had forgotten that today was your last day on the job. How did he do, Scarlett?"

"He did very well. He's a smart boy and a hard worker, Rhett," she answered.

"Thank you for paying off your debt, Wade. You've now proven that you're on the road to becoming a good man."

"Thank you, Uncle Rhett," he replied.

"Don't rush the trip, Wade. You'll have plenty of time to be a man, be a boy for awhile," Rhett advised.

Wade didn't respond to the comment turning his attention to the window. Scarlett glanced at Rhett and raised an eyebrow. He wasn't supposed to be making comments that her son might see as a challenge. He didn't seem to share her concern however as he winked at her and took up a conversation with Ella.

Their dinner passed peacefully and at times was lively with Rhett telling the children stories and making them all laugh which brought the eyes of everyone in the room to their table more than once.

"Go on and look," Scarlett thought. "Look real well because it will most likely be the last time you see this sight."

Rhett nudged her foot under the table and when she looked up at him he discreetly gestured toward her plate where she was pushing her dinner around with her fork. She shrugged and he gave her a stern look. Sighing she picked up a forkful of veal and took a bite. He smiled and nodded in approval. She had hoped that it would take his attention off her eating habits but she knew he was keeping one eye on her the entire time he conversed with the children. With his gaze trained on her she forced herself to eat everything on her plate. Seeing her clean plate he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

She cast her gaze back to the patrons of the restaurant and wondered if they had caught the display of affection. A part of her hoped they hadn't. Once he was gone they'd all sit and talk about how loving he acted towards her and they'd make her out to be the villain. They'd say she had acted cold towards him, that she had no heart. On the matter of her heart they'd probably be right, she doubted there would be anything left of it once this was all and said and done.

* * *

After dropping off the children, Rhett and Scarlett returned home to get ready for their evening out. Scarlett stood in her wrapper staring into her closet. What did one wear on their last public outing with their soon-to-be ex-husband?

"Aren't you ready yet my pet?" he asked from the doorway.

"I don't know what to wear," she complained.

He came to her side and studied the contents of the closet. Reaching into the rack he pulled out a wine colored silk gown with elegant draping and handed it to her.

"Wear this one," he told her.

"I try to avoid wearing red in public, Rhett," she murmured

"Why?" Rhett asked

"I don't care for the comments people make when I wear that color," she responded a look of hurt in her eyes that made his chest ache.

"You wear this gown tonight, Scarlett; and if anyone dares to open their mouth and make a snide remark, I promise you, my dear, it will be the last one they ever make."

"I don't want any trouble," she replied. "If you haven't noticed I've been trying to keep a low profile."

"I've noticed and I commend you for it but you've never let society dictate your life before and you're not going to tonight. I want you to wear that gown and you're going to wear it."

"Alright," she agreed feeling slightly at ease knowing Rhett would be at her side to silence any comments. "Ring for Pansy and I'll be down shortly," she told him.

"I'll help you dress, Scarlett," he replied.

She smirked, "There have been times in the past when you've made me that offer and we ended up not going out at all."

Rhett laughed, "Trust me my dear you had a better time with me than you would've had outside the house on those occasions."

"You're probably right," she answered a slight blush spreading across her cheeks.

She allowed him to dress her and he sat near her as she styled her hair into an elegant updo. Reaching into her jewelry box she took out a pair of ruby earbobs and placed them in her ears and then hooked the matching chocker around her neck.

"Where's your engagement ring?" Rhett asked finally giving into his curiosity.

"Its right here," she answered reaching into the jewelry box and removing a green velvet ring box.

"Why isn't it on your finger?' he asked trying to keep his tone casual.

She shrugged, "There came a dark moment during this past year when I couldn't stand the sight of it so I took it off and put it away," she admitted.

"What dark moment was that, my pet."

"The day I found out you no longer wanted to be married to me."

"Why didn't you take off your wedding ring?"

"I did," she answered.

He raised an eyebrow in surprise, "But you're wearing it now."

"Yes, I know. I didn't leave it off for long, not even a whole day. I felt so strange without it that I had to put it back on."

"But you haven't been able to stomach the sight of that very expensive gem you requested that I bought you."

"Oh I've looked at it, I just haven't worn it," she answered as she opened the lid and stared down into the large diamond and the emeralds surrounding it. The look on his face bothered her and she pulled the ring from its velvet cushion and placed it on her finger.

"You don't have to wear it, Scarlett," he told her.

She looked into his eyes before replying, "I want to wear it."

He gave her a curt nod, "Now your hand looks right."

She laughed lightly, "Feels right too," she answered as her ring glittered in the light.

* * *

Once seated at their table in the ballroom they watched the couples filling the room.

"Gods nightgown," Scarlett cried. "Look at Maybelle, that dress is even worse than the one she wore last time."

Rhett laughed, "I have to agree with you on that one my dear, whatever gave her the idea that bronze was a color she could wear well is beyond me."

"I just keep wondering who is making these hideous things," she replied. "Whoever it is should be taken out and shot."

"Shooting would be a fitting punishment for the person inflicting that sort of ugliness on the world," Rhett replied and then leaning back towards her ear whispered, "Take a look at Mrs. Meriwether in that dark green gown; she looks like a frog that hasn't caught nearly enough flies."

His comment sent Scarlett into a fit of laughter, "Rhett!" she exclaimed once she caught her breath.

"You know it's true," he answered. "Just look at how her eyes bug out when she scans the room looking for scandalous and indecent conduct that she can preach against. If we were in France the restaurants would be trying to trap her for their menus."

Scarlett was laughing so hard that she had to put her head down on the table. Rhett's laughter mingled with hers as he watched her shoulders shake. He loved the sound of her laughter and he made it his goal to make her laugh all evening.

"Raise your head my pet, Mrs. Meade has arrived and that dark purple gown makes her look like an overripe grape.".

"You're going to get us into trouble, Rhett," Scarlett told him as she leaned on his shoulder trying to muffle her giggles.

"But darling being trouble is what we are good at remember? You're Irish and I'm a cad, we've been marked as trouble from birth."

"Don't forget that we have the last name of Butler," she added her eyes shining with amusement.

"Ah yes, the name Butler. The name that strikes fear into the hearts of polite society everywhere whenever it's mentioned. It's a wonder they even lets us in the door."

"I'm sure they wouldn't let us in if they could get away with it."

"That's probably true, my dear," he stated as he rose from his chair. "Come darling, let us move to the center of the dance floor and display your ravishing beauty and my wicked handsomeness to the crowds."

She smiled at him as he took her hand, "We are a handsome couple aren't we," she stated.

"Yes we are, and best of all were not conceited about it," he answered with mock seriousness.

Scarlett laughed, "I don't think I could say that with a straight face."

"You probably couldn't you're not as good an actor as I am but that's beside the point," he told her wrapping his hands around her waist.

"Mrs. Meade has her eagle eyes trained on us my dear, be a vixen and give me a kiss so the old girl will swoon into her glass of diluted champagne."

He had expected a brief peck on the lips and was pleasantly surprised when Scarlett gave him a lingering kiss.

Pulling away from him she grinned, "Did that do the trick?" she asked.

Casting a concealed look at the old woman he grinned, "I'd say so," he answered; "She looks positively scandalized and not to give you an inflated ego, my darling; but I may swoon myself from your ardent advances," he teased.

She swatted his chest playfully, "How you do go on, Rhett Butler, are we going to dance or not?"

"Have I ever deprived you of a dance Miss O'Hara?" he asked as he led her onto the floor.

"No I don't think you have," she answered. "And I don't intend on letting you start now."

They danced and laughed merrily for hours. The evening was turning out to be a success Rhett had thought until someone announced that only an hour remained until the New Year. Suddenly Scarlett's playfulness had diminished and her sparkling eyes became clouded. He did his best to bring her out of the dark haze that seemed to be consuming her. She snapped into a role of pretending, fakeness radiating in her smile. Something was wrong but he didn't know what. They had been having a perfectly good evening and now it was falling apart.

"Do you want to dance some more Scarlett," he asked drawing her attention back to him.

"Not right now," she answered. "I just want to watch for awhile."

"Whats wrong?" he asked quietly

Her fake smile slid into place, "Nothing, Rhett."

He knew better but didn't say anything hoping to avoid an argument. They sat in silence watching the party go on around them. He noticed her eyeing the champagne glass that she had been ignoring. Finally she reached for it and was about to bring it to her lips.

"Scarlett," Rhett stated causing her to pause

"What?"

"Do you really want to do that?" he asked gesturing to her glass.

She looked at it and then back to Rhett.

"Yes," she answered.

"You've went this long without it, my dear, why start again now."

"I'm not starting again, Rhett, it's just one drink and besides its New Years Eve," she reasoned.

"Don't, Scarlett," he replied touching the hand that held the glass.

"Don't tell me what to do, Rhett," she stated sharply before raising the glass and taking a long sip. Swallowing the liquid she grimaced.

"It's not as good as I remembered," she told him.

"That's probably because you were always partial to brandy, my pet, do you want me to order you one?" he asked mockingly.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to start this again," she answered realizing what she had been about to do.

"I'm glad to hear that," he answered losing the edge in his voice.

She nodded as a voice announced, "The last dance of 1874."

"Shall we?" Rhett asked offering his hand.

"We may as well," she answered letting him lead her to the floor.

As they waltzed she felt her heart crumbling and her mind finally came up with a way to make it through, she just hoped she could make it work. As the crowd counted down the last seconds of the year they stood facing each other, both dreading the arrival of 1875. At the stroke of midnight Rhett kissed her lovingly as though no one else was in the room. After sharing the first dance of the year she looked up at him a mixture of emotions on her face.

"Take me home, Rhett," she whispered.

"Are you sure?" he asked

"Yes, I want to go home."

As they settled into the carriage she took a deep breath and prepared herself for the rest of her night.

"I haven't got anything left to lose," she thought to herself as she convinced herself to go through with what she had in mind.


	21. Auld Lang Syne

_Authors Note: Thanks to all my reviewers! Two chapters left after this. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up within a day or two I won't promise it lol but I will try_

Chapter 20 – Auld Lang Syne

Early January 1, 1875

As they walked up the long stair case Rhett tried to figure out what Scarlett's silent and serious demeanor meant. He paused outside her bedroom door unsure if he was being invited in or not. She gestured for him to follow her and once inside he lit the lamp near her vanity and moved to the light the others.

"Don't light them all, Rhett," she told him as she sat on the edge of her bed and removed her dancing slippers.

He stood by watching as she took off her jewelry and laid it on the stand before coming towards him and turning her back to him.

"Unlace me I want to change," she ordered quietly.

He said nothing as his swift fingers slid the tiny buttons of her gown from their holes and then untied the strings of her corset allowing her to take the breath she so desperately needed.

"Are you all right?" he asked still unsure of what to make of her behavior.

"I'm fine Rhett; I'll only be a moment."

Without looking at him she hurried into the dressing room. Once she had closed the door behind her she leaned against it and closed her eyes for a moment before reaching into a drawer and removing the silk nightgown he had given her. Clutching it to her chest she wondered if she could really pull of an act of seduction.

She had been skilled in the art of fluttering eyelashes of appearing dainty and helpless but she knew those things didn't appeal to Rhett. He had no use for southern belle charm. He was used to more sophisticated tactics, things she was sure she knew nothing of and she didn't know if she could compete. Laying the nightgown down she slipped out of her clothing and then grabbed the flimsy silk fabric and put it on. The feel of the cool silk felt good on her skin and she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Quickly she pulled the pins from her hair and allowed her raven locks to fall loosely. She frowned at her pale nervous face before pinching her cheeks to give them color. She took a few breaths intent on steadying her nerves before facing Rhett.

After watching Scarlett disappear into the dressing room he moved to his usual chair to wait for her. He took his jacket and shoes off figuring if she was going to make herself comfortable he may as well too. She obviously had something on her mind and he figured they were going to discuss it probably at length if she wanted to change ahead of time. He didn't mind these talks with his wife but he hated that whatever it was that was bothering her had put a damper on their evening. He wasn't clueless about her troubles he mused. He knew she was struggling with the inner turmoil that the end of her deal brought. Rhett wasn't thrilled with the idea of discussing those issues however. Some things were better left unsaid until absolutely necessary. He reached for his bow tie and had just begun to tug at it when he heard the dressing room door open. Raising his eyes he saw her framed in the doorway wearing the silk nightgown he had bought her for Christmas. The dark rose colored silk clung to her figure in all the right ways. Its lacy bodice was cut low and a slit up the side revealed one shapely leg to him as she came towards him. He was so captivated by the sight of her that he forgot how to speak as she straddled his legs seating herself on his lap.

She said nothing but reached for his tie that his fingers had slipped from upon sight of her. Meticulously she untied it and with skilled precession pulled it away from his collar and dropped it to the floor. A flame of desire flared inside of him as if she had struck a match and caught him on fire.

"What are you doing, Scarlett?" he asked his voice thick as his hand came to rest on the bared skin of her leg that the slit in her nightgown revealed to him.

She stared into his dark eyes for a moment and then leaned forward and kissed him slowly before answering.

"It's January 1st, Rhett," she whispered.

"I'm aware of that my dear but it still doesn't answer my question," he told her thinking of how oddly she had been acting that evening and how this scene was so unexpected in light of it.

A lock of his dark hair had fallen across his forehead and she raised her hand and brushed it back as she smiled sadly, "When I woke up this morning I didn't know how I'd get through this knowing the end was almost here. I tried to think of ways to make it easier. I thought of avoiding you but I knew you wouldn't allow that. I thought of picking a fight with you, as though tricking myself into being angry with you would somehow make it alright but I didn't want that Rhett. I didn't want these last hours to be filled with bitterness. If we have to part, I want it to be amicably."

He opened his mouth to speak but she quickly laid her fingers against his lips.

"The only option left was to take the time I had left and make the most of it," she continued before kissing him again.

He didn't like this…well that wasn't entirely true he liked it well enough he just found it unusual. Scarlett had never been one to initiate intimacy between them; the bedroom had been one place where she hadn't been bold at least not on her own accord. During the course of their marriage he had considered himself lucky if she initiated a kiss. There was something different about her tonight, something different in her kiss. There was something lingering in her eyes and his suspicious mind caused him to pull away from her. Taking her chin in his hand he studied her face for signs of the old conniving Scarlett. She seemed to anticipate the action as she kept her eyes locked on his allowing her to read the emotions that laid in them. When his hold loosened and his expression changed she captured his lips once more.

There had been no tricks, no signs of begging in her green eyes. What Rhett saw lying in their depths was something he hadn't expected. It became clear now why she seemed so different. Before he could finish the thought she pulled away from him slightly.

"I know I've been asking you for a lot of favors lately, Rhett; but I have one more," she said softly as her fingers trailed along his jaw line.

"What is it?" he asked emotion evident in his tone.

"Let me have these last 24 hours as your wife. I want every moment to count. I want one day of living what might have been," she replied quietly controlling the amount of emotion in her voice.

"Scarlett," he breathed.

"Don't deny me this, Rhett. I know it will only make it harder, that it will hurt me more but it's the only way. I need this; I just need you to give me one day of being your wife. I just want to be yours one last time, Rhett," she pleaded.

The desperation in her eyes tore him; the pleading of her voice was like a thousand knives through his heart. It was all spelled out for him. She was letting go. That was the look that had been shining in her eyes. Her kisses were different because they spoke of goodbye. Her request told him of her acceptance, that she was admitting defeat. The moment he had pondered had finally arrived. He suddenly felt like a ton of bricks was lying upon his chest. She was still looking at him waiting for his answer. Slowly he nodded.

She hadn't been lying when she told him she'd seduce him when he least expected it he thought to himself as he allowed her to continue taking the lead. He never thought her bold enough to go through with it when he had teased her the other night and yet here she was surprising him once again. Giving in to his own temptations he allowed his hands to roam over her body enjoying the feel of the thin silk against his fingers. She traced his features as though she were trying to memorize him.

"She acts as though she'll never see me again," he mused as she began to unbutton his shirt.

Reality hit him once more as he realized that if they divorced they would have no reason to see each other again. He'd have no excuse for coming to Atlanta once he cut ties with Scarlett. The heaviness around his heart increased and he tightened his hold on her in response. He closed his eyes and breathed in the light floral scent of her perfume. The thought of never seeing her again filtered through his mind and jarred him as her hands and lips explored the tan skin of his chest. When her mouth found his once more he kissed her with intensity. He wanted to wipe the look of defeat from her features, wanted to drown the feeling of lost hope in her kiss. He wanted to forget that he was supposed to walk away from her. He wanted to forget he ever left her to begin with.

She seemed to sense his thoughts and clung to him allowing him to take control. He stood with her in his arms and carried her to her bed. The frenzied pace of their lovemaking was reminiscent of the night of Ashley's birthday party. A sense of urgency filled the air, need for each other took over any thought of tenderness. When it was over they laid in each others arms without saying a word trying to ward off thoughts of the inevitable. Eventually she gave in and let sleep claim her. Rhett laid awake the rest of the night holding her to him trying to make sense of the jumbled thoughts in his head.

Hadn't this been what he wanted? Hadn't he wanted her to let him go so he could be free? Wasn't he supposed to feel relief knowing that she was really going to let him walk away? He pondered those questions as his gaze lingered on the sight of day breaking outside her bedroom window.

Rhett didn't feel relieved. The weight he felt pressing down on him before he took her to bed hadn't eased. He felt like an iron fist had griped his heart and was squeezing it painfully. Could he really go the rest of his life without her being apart of his world?

The night of the Christmas ball when he had kissed her under the mistletoe he felt like he had finally started to live again. Now lying next to her knowing she really intended to sign the papers he felt his stomach turn.

He hadn't felt this way the night he left her. He had walked away from her declarations of love and her tears without the slightest care. Over the course of the fourteen months he spent away from her his thoughts concerning her had consisted of only guilt and regret. He had managed to shove his love for her into some hidden place deep inside where he had intended for it to remain locked for good, but Scarlett held the key to that lock and within hours of seeing her again for the first time he heard it click open and the feeling began to seep out saturating him once more.

He should've never come back he thought. The miles between them had kept him from feeling too much. He should've stayed out of her bed. He shouldn't have asked that they be friends. Being friendly came at a price and they were both paying it now. He loved her, maybe more now than he ever had. Running a hand over his face he sighed bitterly. Maybe it was too late for love to matter. She seemed to have her mind set and besides who was to say that it would work between them now. Maybe there was too much bad blood between them for it too last. He wasn't sure what to think of the mess they had made.

Rhett had promised her one day of the life they should've had together and he wasn't going to deny her that. It was only going too hurt her more in the end and he couldn't understand why she'd want it that way but he'd do it if that's what she asked. It was going to hurt him too he admitted. Spending a day in wedded bliss with the knowledge that it could all end the next morning was a hard concept to grasp. There wasn't time to think of that now however. He'd think about it tomorrow when he had no choice but to make a decision. He just prayed that he'd make the right one for all their sakes.

* * *

In the hazy state between sleep and consciousness, Scarlett thought she was back in New Orleans during her honeymoon as the blanket was pulled off her and her feet tickled. Jerking her feet away she opened her eyes and blinked in the sunlight that was pouring through the curtains of her bedroom.

"What are you doing, Rhett?" she asked sleepily as she sat up and then hurriedly looked down at herself remembering the state of undress she had been in when she fell asleep. Surprise flicked across her face as she found herself clad in her silk nightgown.

Rhett smirked, "It's amazing what you sleep through, my pet."

"Is there a reason why you're tormenting me this early in the morning?" she asked reaching for the blanket and pulling it back over her.

"I'm serving you your breakfast," he answered as he sat the tray across her lap.

It dawned on her then that he was honoring her request of one last day as his wife. She suddenly felt somewhat awkward regarding the night they had shared. She knew she had appeared desperate and she could hardly look him in the eye upon remembering it.

"It's alright, Scarlett," he told her as if she had spoken her thoughts aloud.

"That's what you keep telling me," she answered as she spread jam on her bread.

"If you'd believe me I wouldn't have to tell you so often, my dear."

"Now why would I want to believe you, Rhett Butler?" she teased

"To keep things interesting," he answered with a laugh.

"I think things stay interesting enough between us on their own."

"That's true. Sometimes they get too interesting," he added.

She smiled, "We've had some good times though haven't we?" she stated with a hint of asking in her voice.

He squeezed her hand, "Yes, Scarlett, we have had our share of good times."

"Are Wade and Ella home yet?" she asked afraid he would bring up the number of bad times they had between them.

"They should be here shortly," he answered.

She nodded, "Rhett."

"What is it?"

"Give them a lot of attention today would you?" she said quietly.

"You know I will," he answered.

The clouds were gathering in her eyes again and he felt helpless to stop them.

* * *

The day seemed to pass quickly. Rhett lavished her with attention and affection as well as the children when they had returned home. Scarlett was grateful for their happy chatter telling of the good times they had the night before. In the late afternoon she and Rhett took a walk through the neighborhood. They didn't say much she noticed but it didn't seem to matter. Being with him was enough. When the restaurants opened for the evening he took them all out to dinner again making the outing as joyful as the one the day before.

Scarlett appreciated the effort he made to make her happy that day but no matter how much she enjoyed his attention and affection she couldn't overcome the feeling of her heart breaking. She was trying to hide it, trying to keep it from her expression but she could tell he knew. She could see that it wasn't easy for him either and when she smiled sadly at him from across the table they seemed to silently agree that the day hadn't the feeling they had desired.

When she retired to her room for the evening he followed her without hesitation. She changed into her nightgown and found him in his usual chair deep in thought as his cigar burned. This whole day had the feeling of goodbye despite their attempts to make it otherwise. She stood at the window and lost herself in memories of the past that she usually held at bay. Her mind took her back to the night of the bazaar when Rhett had bid to dance with her. How she loved dancing with Rhett. No one was a better partner on the dance floor than he was. There had always been something magical about twirling around the floor in his arms. She suddenly wished they had gone dancing that night; perhaps then things wouldn't look so gloomy.

Scarlett felt his arms wrap around her from behind and his lips brushing across her shoulder.

"What are you thinking about? He asked quietly.

"I was thinking about dancing with you," she answered.

"What brought that to mind, my pet?"

"I was thinking of the night at the bazaar and how we danced. I've always loved dancing with you," she whispered.

"Have you?"

"Yes I wish we had gone dancing tonight."

"We don't have to go out to dance," he replied. "We can dance right here."

"Here?" she questioned

He laughed lightly, "Yes; you don't need a ballroom to dance, Scarlett."

"But there's no music," she replied.

"You can hum or sing, whichever you prefer," he answered smugly.

She laughed, "Don't you think we'd look silly waltzing around a bedroom while I hum?"

"We're not going to waltz," he replied

She looked at him as if he were crazy, "Then how are we going to dance?"

"Scarlett, there are many ways to dance and the only thing that matters about any certain type is just allowing yourself to move to the music."

"I don't understand what you're talking about."

He stepped away from her and stood in the center of the room "Come here," he whispered.

She followed him obediently curious about what he had in mind. She came to a stop in front of him and waited. He took her hand and laid it on his shoulder and then wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close. He then took her free hand and enclosed it in his own.

"Start the band," he joked amusement sparkling in his eyes.

"This is silly, Rhett," she responded.

"Just try it; all you have to do is follow my lead like always."

She nodded reluctantly and began to move with him.

"I've never danced this way before," she whispered gazing up at his face admiring his handsome features.

"Do you like it?" he inquired softly.

"Yes," she answered enjoying the close proximity she shared with him.

"Are you going to provide us with a tune?" he prodded.

Without thought she began to hum, 'When This Cruel War Is Over'.

"A sentimental choice, my dear," he whispered in her ear.

As they danced she wasn't sure if time was moving quickly or slowly and she didn't care, she wished only that it could be frozen for awhile to keep the date from changing. She hummed or sang when a song came to mind and when she was at a loss for a tune they moved in silence. Their shadows moved along the walls and she felt as though she could stay in that moment forever. Moving in sync with him so slowly and being held so close by him felt so right and so good. It didn't escape her notice that the longer they danced the closer they got to one another until finally he had her snug against him and they were barely moving. She wondered briefly if he could hear her heart beating wildly as his hands began to caress her. It took effort but she managed to finish singing the last notes of a love song. Their eyes were locked on each other and it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. She knew he was going to kiss her and he she wanted him too so badly. Before he could make his move the clock downstairs struck midnight.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the chimes echoed throughout the house. Silently she begged god to make it stop to just give her one hour more. She wasn't ready for this to end; she wasn't ready to face it.

"Open your eyes, Scarlett," his voice whispered.

When she complied he could see the glimmer of tears in them.

"Think about it tomorrow," he told her his voice betraying the ache in his own heart.

"It is tomorrow," she answered.

Rhett shook his head, "No it isn't. It doesn't become tomorrow until we've gone to sleep and wake up hours later and believe me my dear I have no intentions of going to sleep right now."

"You don't?" she asked her voice a thin whisper.

"No," he answered lowering his face and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

It was going to be different tonight she thought to herself as he kissed her. There wasn't going to be the intensity, the mad desire. She could feel the difference in his touch and his kiss. Tonight wasn't about need or about distractions it was about love, tenderness and…goodbye?


	22. If You Just Believe

Authors Note: At long last Wade and Rhett's decisions are revealed. Epilogue is being posted right after this so don't miss it! Thanks again to my reviewers.

Chapter 21- If You Just Believe

January 2, 1875

Scarlett rose early that morning and dressed without assistance. She could almost hear Mammy's voice in her ear scolding her for going without a corset but today things like her figure didn't seem as important as the need for comfort while she faced the challenges ahead. As she moved to leave the room she gazed at the form of her husband sleeping soundly in her bed. How he could sleep at a time like this was beyond her. She had slept for a grand total of two hours and when she could take no more of lying awake staring her fate in the face she had decided to give up any hope of rest. She slipped into her office as the sky began to turn pink in the early morning light and made her way to her desk. She lit a lamp and then picked up a picture frame that held a photograph of her children. She removed the back and took out a small key. Using the key she unlocked a drawer of her desk and withdrew a small bundle of papers. Flipping through them she found the page she sought and reached for pen and ink.

She hesitated briefly before placing the tip of her pen against the white paper. Carefully she signed her name on the offending line and dated it. A lump welled in her throat as she replaced the cap on the ink and moved it and her pen back to their respective places. Her signature glared at her as it lay facing her while the ink dried. She couldn't take her eyes off the sight of her neat flowing handwriting situated on the line beneath Rhett's bold angry scrawl. Finally tears blurred her vision and she allowed them to slip down her cheeks without restraint as a quiet sob escaped her. She had to get it all out now; she couldn't break down in front of Rhett when she gave him the papers. She was going to be strong at least until he was gone.

Her nervous fingers found her locket and toyed with it brining Bonnie to mind. She missed her so badly. She could still remember the way she had felt in her arms as a newborn and she ached with the memory. A sudden thought occurred to her then startling her. She let go of the locket as if she had been burned.

"Oh no," she whispered as she realized that she had acted without thought once more and that there was a possibility she had conceived a child during those stolen moments with Rhett. It wasn't that she wouldn't welcome another baby; in all truth now that she felt more comfortable in her role as a mother she would like another child. But it would be all wrong if that were to happen now. Rhett would be furious and he'd accuse her of trapping him after all.

"Stop it," she demanded trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. "It's not going to happen, there's no baby and Rhett's leaving that's all there is to it," she told herself and yet she knew she'd be in for a restless few weeks waiting for the proof to present itself either way.

"How did I end up this way?" she questioned as she sat listening to the silence of her home. It wasn't a question that she really needed to ask, she knew the answers. She knew her childish infatuation with Ashley and her constant need for money, along with her lacking skills as a wife and mother had all contributed to her downfall. She thought of Rhett and reminded herself that he shouldered some of the blame in this mess. He could have forced her to leave Atlanta in order to give them a new start, he could have been more giving where affection was concerned he could have been more open and honest with her and perhaps she would have returned that favor and gave up her foolish infatuations sooner.

She sighed what was the point in rehashing who was to blame for what? It was done now, Rhett would have his peace and freedom and she would be left with a long stretch of lonely years ahead of her. She'd have her children or at least she'd have Ella. She wasn't sure what Wade's decision would be and she dreaded hearing it almost as much as she dreaded giving Rhett what he wanted. A pang of hurt went through her as she thought of her only son. If he left her too she wouldn't know what to do. It would cement the feeling of failure into her soul for the rest of her life. She could just imagine what the people of Atlanta would say if both husband and son were to walk away from her.

Her head pounded at the thought of it. She'd really be the laughing stock of the city, not that she wasn't already but it would increase ten fold and life would be unbearable. She felt sick just imagining it.

"I won't stand for it," she whispered softly. "I'll take Ella and leave before they drag me down further," but even as told herself that she knew it would take a lot of gossip and ostracism to get her out of Atlanta. If Wade chose to stay in Atlanta she'd have to stay too in order to repair their relationship. She couldn't allow the work she had already done to be wasted. It would be another story however if he were to go with Rhett or choose to go North to be with Beau and Ashley. If he wasn't in the city then she'd cut her loses and leave.

Placing her elbows on the smooth surface of her desk she folded her hands in prayer. It had been so long since she had really prayed that she wasn't sure if god even considered her worth listening to but she didn't see any harm in trying.

"Please god, just help me make it through this," she whispered not bothering to ask that he somehow make Rhett and Wade stay.

"Just believe," a voice whispered in her mind. She wanted too believe but it seemed too late. She shivered slightly the chill of the room settling around her. Leaving her office she went in search of Pork to light the fireplace for her while the voice asking her to believe persisted in her ears.

* * *

When Rhett woke that morning he found himself alone. Looking at the vacant place next to him he felt strangely disappointed. The coolness of the sheets told him that she had been gone for some time. Laying in the silence, the dull light seeping through the curtains he felt the loneliness of the room wash over him. He knew now how Scarlett felt when he left her before she woke. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, one that not only bruised the ego but hurt the heart as well. He stared up at the ceiling listening to the silence. This was how she started her day everyday he mused. Everyday she woke up alone. Everyday she got up, did her best to raise her children, went out into the world and faced a hostile city. At days end she returned home and faced another night of loneliness only to rise in the morning and start again. It was a sobering thought. He knew without a doubt that she wouldn't be at the table for breakfast that morning. He figured she rose early and once dressed retreated to her office downstairs to steel herself and wait for the decisions of her husband and son.

There was no use lying in bed and putting off the inevitable. Rhett forced himself from Scarlett's bed and made himself cross the hallway to get ready for the day. Once dressed and properly groomed he made his way downstairs for breakfast. As he figured Scarlett was absent from the table. Wade and Ella sat quietly. Tension was in the air and he knew they all felt it.

"Good morning," he said softly as if speaking normally would be too much for them to bear.

"Good morning," they replied in unison.

"Where's your mother?" he asked wanting to know if his suspicions were correct.

"She's in her office, she said she wasn't hungry," Ella replied.

Rhett nodded. He knew Ella wouldn't disappoint him; she always seemed to have her mother's location pinpointed.

The meal was silent with the exception of forks scrapping against plates as they pushed around scrambled eggs and potatoes. It appeared that no one had an appetite that morning Rhett observed. Wade sat stiffly his mind far away. Ella stared blankly at the food before her, her small face bearing worry. He wondered briefly if Scarlett had told her about today but he couldn't imagine her doing so. Ella was a smart girl and he was certain that she had picked up on the tension and Scarlett's mood and had drawn the conclusion for herself.

Rhett pushed his chair back from the table and stood.

"Come on, Wade, we both have an appointment with your mother that's waited long enough."

The boy nodded and rose from his chair. Ella moved from her seat and walked quickly to Rhett. As she came towards him he looked into her eyes, eyes that were so much like her mothers and saw in them that she knew. Coming to stand in front of him she raised her arms to him. She was getting to old to be picked up but he didn't hesitate to scoop her up and hold her tightly. Her small arms clung too him as he ran his hand through her red curls. After a moment she pulled back to look at him.

"I love you, Uncle Rhett," she said quietly.

"I love you too, Ella," he answered his heart constricting painfully.

"I'm glad Saint Nicholas brought you home for Christmas," she told him.

"I am too, sweetheart."

Rhett could tell she wanted to say something else but held back, tears shining in her eyes.

He held her to him tightly once more before setting her down.

"I have to talk to your mother, Ella. Go play in your room for awhile and I'll see you later," he told her making an effort to keep his own emotions in check.

She nodded and hurried away. He left the dining room and made his way towards Scarlett's office. Wade was sitting outside the door his face telling of his nervousness.

Rhett stood before him.

"Have you made your decision, Wade?' he asked.

"Yes sir" he answered.

"I hope it's one you can live with."

"So do I," Wade replied.

Silence fell between them as they both lingered outside Scarlett's closed door.

"I know both of you are out there," Scarlett's voice called. "One of you get in here so we can get this over with."

Her voice had an edge in it giving away her anxiety. Wade looked at him as if waiting for him to make the first move.

"You go on in, son," Rhett told him.

"You can go first," Wade answered.

"You'll feel better if you go and get your decision off your chest," Rhett replied.

"I can wait."

"So can I."

"Well I can't," Scarlett said harshly from the other side of the door. "Wade get in here."

The boy took a deep breath and then went to the door and slowly turned the handle going inside.

Rhett made sure his back was turned while the door was open so that he couldn't catch a glimpse of Scarlett. He didn't want to see her until he stood before her.

Scarlett watched Wade walk into the room slowly. Her nerves were stretched to the limit and she could barely stand to sit still. Finally her son approached her desk and stood before her.

"Have you thought over what you wanted Wade?" she asked

"Yes, Mother."

"Have you made a decision about where you want to live?"

"Yes."

"Alright, tell me what it is," she demanded.

"I want to stay," he told her softly.

She wasn't sure she had heard him right. "What?" she asked.

"I want to stay here," Wade answered with more conviction in his voice.

"Are you sure?" she whispered

"Yes, Can I stay here Mother?"

Scarlett wanted to cry with relief, "Of course you can stay. I was hoping you would."

He started to turn away but she told him to stay. There were things she needed to say to from behind her desk she motioned for him to follow her to the sofa against the wall. Once seated she reached for his hand and held it as if it would make her words come easier as she faced him.

"It's no secret that I haven't always been the best mother, Wade; but I've always wanted to be. I just didn't know how to be what I wanted. Some women like your Aunt Melly are born knowing how to be a mother and some women like me have a hard time figuring it all out. Looking back I realize I was too young to marry and have babies. At sixteen I was married, widowed and expecting a baby in such a short span of time that it seemed like it all happened over night. In the midst of a war that I didn't understand I suddenly had this little person depending on me and I had to do the best I could for you when in reality I was still a child myself and all I wanted was my own mother to soothe my fears about the world we were living in and the role of being your mother but I never got that reassurance or the guidance I sought because she was gone without warning and everything rested on my shoulders."

"I know," he answered; but she shook her head.

"No, let me finish," she told him softly.

"During those days at Tara I worried. I worried about feeding you and keeping you healthy and a roof over your head but I also wanted to do more with you when you were small. I wanted to play with you, read you stories and teach you things but there was never enough time to do those things as often as I wanted. There was too much to take care of, too many people to tend too and too much worry on my mind and being the mother you wanted and deserved got pushed to the back burner."

"Melanie wasn't able to do the work I was doing and she took over caring for you for the most part and over the years it became hard to break that cycle even after I married Rhett and didn't have as much to worry over. I remember times when I tried to be more attentive to you and Ella but you both preferred Melly and Rhett so I backed away sometimes out of jealousy and sometimes out of hurt but a lot of times I kept my distance because I knew you were afraid of me and I felt that you both deserved better so I allowed Melly to continue that role in your life. I only had myself to blame for my children not wanting me and believe me Wade it isn't easy getting up everyday knowing you failed at loving your babies properly. I didn't know how to change what I had done," she told him with honesty.

His eyes were focused on the floor and he said nothing but she could tell he was listening intently and he made no move to take his hand from hers so she continued wanting him to know in some way that she accepted responsibility and that she wanted to change.

"I want you to know how sorry I am for the times when I ignored you or made you feel unloved. I'm sorry for waiting so long to try and do better. I can't change the past Wade but if you're willing to give me a chance I can promise to try and be the mother you always wanted me to be."

Wade raised his eyes to hers, "I want to give you a chance, Mother," he answered.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I promise I'll do better by you."

"You're already better to me," he told her.

She smiled, "That's just the beginning, there is something else I would like to talk to you about though."

"Alright."

"I want you to know that if something is bothering you, you can come and talk to me about it. You don't have to keep it bottled up inside. I'm here for you; you can come to me about anything, even if its something you think will hurt my feelings."

"Really?" he asked quietly

"Yes. I know I'm one of the main topics of conversation in this town Wade and that you hear things and that you have questions about them. I'd rather you get your answers from me instead of from people who may not have high regard for me and who would like to poison your mind against me as a cruel way of getting even for some imagined slight. If you have questions you ask me."

"Can I ask you something now?" he asked with slight nervousness in his tone.

Taking a breath she nodded, "Go ahead."

"Did you love my father?"

A sense of panic flowed through her but she pushed it down and concentrated on giving her son an answer that wouldn't hurt him and yet wouldn't be a lie.

"Love is a complicated thing, Wade. Your father was a good man. He was kind, respectful, intelligent and well thought of. I liked Charles and I considered him to be a friend. We weren't married long enough to have the love between us that husbands and wives should have but I like to think that if he had lived we would've been happy. I'm sure he would've been so proud of you and loved you so much," she answered hoping he didn't find her explanation offensive.

"Do you understand?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he told her before hesitating and then asking his next question. "Did he know you were going to have me?"

Scarlett could see that he while he wanted to know the answer he felt awkward asking her about it. She squeezed his hand in reassurance.

"No darling, I didn't get to tell him. I found out about the same time word came that he had passed away. I'm sorry I can't tell you otherwise I wish he had known but I'm sure he's been watching over you your whole life."

There was sadness on his face as he looked at her, "You think so?"

"Yes. I'm sure he's with you. He wanted a son." she told him.

"How do you know?"

"He told me so before left to join his regiment."

"Did he?"

She nodded allowing the memory of the last day she had seen Charles to come back to her.

"His last day at home we took a long walk and he told me all the dreams he had for when the war was over. One of his dreams was to have a son that would carry on his name."

Wade smiled at her a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Is there anything else you want to ask me?"

He shook his head, "Not right now, but there is something I want to tell you."

"Alright," she answered worried about what it may be and yet relieved that he wanted to open up to her.

"I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I don't hate you, I wanted to; but I couldn't. I don't want you too die. I never meant it when I said that I was just so mad at you."

"I know you were angry and that in moments like that people say things they don't really mean. I can't say that it didn't hurt me because it did but I understand and I forgive you. I'm guilty of saying things I don't mean when I'm upset and I suppose you've inherited that trait from me."

"Sometimes I felt so mad and I didn't know why, does that make any sense mother?" he asked

She nodded, "Yes you've had a lot to deal with this past year and it's alright to feel angry or sad. I've felt that way too and I know it's a horrible feeling," she answered "But your not alone Wade. You have a family that loves you."

"Even after all the bad things I've been doing?" he asked

"Of course. You are my son and I'm always going to love you Wade. I may not always like the things you do but it won't keep me from loving you."

"I'm not going to do those things anymore."

"I hope not. I don't want you getting thrown out of school."

"I'll do better."

She studied him as he sat beside her, "You're growing up so fast."

He smiled, "I'll be thirteen in ten days."

She laughed, "I know. You're going to be a fine man some day soon."

"Like my father?" he asked quietly.

"Yes Wade, you'll be a good man like your father was."

He beamed proudly.

"Are you too old for me too hug you?" she asked

"Not at home," he answered.

She laughed as she pulled him into her arms, "Don't worry I wouldn't think of embarrassing you that way."

It felt good to hold her son. She brushed a kiss across his forehead, "I'm glad you're staying."

"Me too."

She squeezed him once more before letting him go, "Go on and enjoy yourself today, school starts tomorrow."

"Can I go see Hugh?" he asked

"Yes, have a good time."

He paused at the door and turned back to her, "You did teach me something at Tara back then."

"Did I?"

He nodded, "You taught me my numbers."

She smiled suddenly remembering teaching him to count using an old school book she had found and whatever was at hand to show him an example.

"You remember that?" she asked.

"Yes, that's why I like mathematics," he told her as he began to turn the door handle.

"Send Rhett in," she called after him.

She took her place behind her desk and dug deep into her soul for strength. It seemed like an eternity before he finally made his presence before her.

"How did things go with Wade?" he asked breaking the silence that hung between them like a heavy curtain.

"Things went well," she replied.

"He was in here a good while. I was beginning to worry that his life lessons didn't have the effect we wanted."

"Nothing like that," she told him "He wants to stay I just had things I needed to say to him."

Rhett nodded feeling at a loss for words.

"Now I have things I need to say to you," she stated simply.

"Go on."

"First of all I wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you came home and helped me make this a good Christmas for the children and for all the help you've given me with Wade's problems."

"You don't have to thank me for any of that, Scarlett," he replied but she ignored him and continued on.

"I would like for you to stay in touch with Wade and Ella but if you don't have any intentions of doing so then I would appreciate it if you go to them before you leave and tell them goodbye. It isn't fair to leave them with delusions that you'll come home again," she told him her voice cool and detached as though he were one of her employees she was issuing orders to.

"I have no intentions of losing contact with the children again," he answered keeping his gaze steady and on her face.

Reaching to the side of her desk she picked up the small packet of papers and held it out to him meeting his eyes for the first time since he entered the room. Slowly he reached out and took them from her. She had the last page resting on top of the stack so her signature would be visible.

She kept her head up, her green eyes void of emotion and focused upon him. So this is what freedom felt like he mused looking down at the smooth strokes of ink that spelled out _Katie Scarlett O'Hara Butler_.

He studied her signature thinking of how foreign the name Katie sounded in relation to her. It was a name much too soft and graceful for the woman he had married. He couldn't recall ever referring to her by it, or anyone else for that matter with the exception of the evening he had spent with her father when he had come to Atlanta. No his wife wasn't a Katie, she was too bold and too fiery, she was a Scarlett as unusual the name was. He wondered briefly how she had ended up with such a name. It was a mystery a telling sign of how there were many things between them that they didn't know about each other, things he wanted to know.

He looked at her seated behind her oak desk her eyes watching him waiting for him to make his farewells to take his leave. He stared openly at her and then at the papers in his hand. Freedom from her wasn't as appealing as he thought it would be. Everything he wanted and needed was right there before him. He had a wife who loved him, two children he loved as his own and a place to call home. Why would he want to be free of that? He wasn't taking the coward's way out again. Looking across the room at the flames leaping in the fireplace he walked towards it in quick strides. As he held the papers over the flames Scarlett's voice broke the silence.

"Rhett, what are you doing?" she asked tension in her voice

"We no longer need these, my dear," he answered as he let the crisp pages slip from his fingers.

"Rhett!" she cried as the flames devoured the papers.

He turned and came to her side.

"I don't understand," she told him a mix of confusion and hope playing across her features.

"I don't want a divorce, Scarlett," he answered.

She pushed away from her desk and began to pace the room.

"What do you mean you don't want it? You sent those papers here demanding one. You took my offer of coming home in exchange for it and now you don't want it!" she exclaimed

"There was a time when I thought I did want it, a time when I wanted nothing more than to be free of you but I don't feel that way anymore. I don't want to end our marriage."

She turned and leveled her gaze upon him once more, "Then what do you want, Rhett?" she asked trying not to read too much into his response.

"I want you," he answered crossing the room to where she stood and resting his hands on her arms to keep her from turning away.

"You want me?" she questioned softly.

"I want you," he repeated.

"Since when?"

"I never stopped wanting you, Scarlett, especially once I was home and the awkwardness between us wore off."

"Then why have you kept me in the dark? Why have you made me suffer all this time agonizing about wanting you and knowing I couldn't have you? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't say anything because I didn't know if wanting you was enough. I didn't know if I was ready to take that chance again but I realized last night that I couldn't leave you."

"Why then? What was it about last night that made you change your mind?" she asked.

"I suppose you could say that reality slapped me in the face my dear. These last days together served to make me realize that I can't live without you in my life."

"You've done it for the past year," she retorted.

"I know, Scarlett," he answered; "But we were still married, I still had the option of coming home to you whenever I wanted. If I divorced you I would no longer have that option."

"What are you saying, Rhett? That you're not going to divorce me but that you're going to come and go as you please because if that's what you have in my mind you can forget it. I can't live like that anymore."

"That's not what I'm saying at all. I want to come home to stay if you'll have me," he replied wondering if he was too late.

"There's nothing I'd like more than to have you home but you have to understand that I'm afraid of opening myself up to being hurt again."

"That's not going to happen."

She scoffed, "You know how it is between us Rhett. We fight and you run. I'm afraid that the first time we have an argument I'll wake up to find you gone and new set of divorce papers on my desk."

"I no longer want to run from you, Scarlett. I know we are bound to argue, that's our nature but I'm not going to put you through this again. I'm getting too old to play those games. I want to settle down and make our marriage work."

"Do you think it can?" she whispered.

"Yes I do, I think we've already made progress and I'd like to continue that," he told her. "The question is do you think we can make it work?"

She nodded, "I always thought it could if you'd only give me a chance."

"It's time for you to stop taking the blame for all of this. I sabotaged our chances of happiness just as much as you did so maybe it would be better to say that things can work between us if we give each other a chance."

"I haven't guilted you into this have I?" she asked wanting to make sure it was what he really wanted.

"No, Scarlett."

"It isn't because you're worried about…" she trailed off.

He raised a brow, "Worried about what?"

"The possibility of a baby," she said nervously.

Rhett shook his head, "No, but the thought has occurred to me. Why do you ask?"

She pulled away from him and moved restlessly, "Because the thought hadn't occurred to me until this morning and I didn't know if you had thought of it."

"Did you really think I wouldn't think of it?"

"I figured if you had you wouldn't have been in my bed."

"I considered it a risk worth taking."

"If you left and I found out I was having a child you'd probably accuse me of trying to trap you."

He shook his head, "I don't believe I would think so lowly of you, Scarlett. You've grown up this past year and I don't see you resorting to such tactics."

"I have been trying to improve myself," she answered quietly.

"You've made wonderful progress, my pet."

"You really want to stay?" she asked

He laughed lightly, "Yes, Scarlett, I want to come home to my family. I want to be here to help Wade and keep him from making the mistakes I made. I want to be sitting next to you when suitors begin calling for Ella, cleaning my gun and making comments about how well it's served me in various duels," he told her causing her to laugh slightly.

"But most of all I want to be here with you. I want to do all things I always dreamed of doing with you. I want to spoil you, show you the world, and spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Scarlett. I always have and I always will. Loving you is a force of nature that can't be battled and I happily give in and admit defeat my dear."

"I love you, too," she whispered tears in her eyes.

"Does that mean I can stay, Mrs. Butler?" he asked happiness radiating in his dark eyes.

"Yes Rhett, you can stay, I always wanted you to."

"It will be different this time. I'm going to keep that old promise that marriage can be fun," he told her.

"I'm going to hold you to that," she answered as he pulled her into his arms for a kiss.

Standing in his embrace she felt the darkness that had laid upon her soul lift and the weight on her shoulders disappeared. A smile spread across her lips as Mr. Riley's words too her entered her mind once more.

"I believe," she whispered. "I believe."

Rhett pulled away from her and looked at her with amusement, "You believe what my dear?"

Smiling at him she answered, "It's a long story."

"I look forward to hearing it," he replied as he kissed her once more. He looked forward to a lifetime of stories he thought to himself and being married to Scarlett O'Hara ensured plenty of them.


	23. Peace On Earth Tonight

_Authors Note: Here it is, my little Christmas story all finished…a day after Valentines lol._

_I can't thank you all enough for the kind words you've given me. I hope you've enjoyed these last chapters and was satisfied with the outcome. Now I begin thinking of the next story…I don't know which idea to choose ;)_

Epilogue- And In Atlanta Georgia there's Peace on Earth Tonight

Christmas Eve 1875

Sitting in the parlor on Christmas Eve, Scarlett watched as Rhett took two black leather cases from the stand. He opened the first box and took an ornament from the satin lining and handed it to her. She smiled as she studied the golden double heart. One heart had been engraved, Scarlett, March 14 and was set with her aquamarine birthstone. The second heart was inscribed, Rhett, July 18 with its corresponding ruby.

"It's beautiful," she told him handing it back for him to place on the tree.

"I can't believe you wouldn't let me put your birth year on it, my pet," he teased as he hung it on a branch near the top of the tree.

"I don't see your birth year listed either, Mr. 'I have no problem accepting my age'."

He laughed, "I didn't put my on because it would've looked ridiculous without yours being included."

She smirked, "You just keep telling yourself that."

"I will," he answered coming back to her side and opening the second box. Carefully he lifted a gold star and admired it before handing it to his wife.

"I'm still not sure about this name, Scarlett," he told her.

She smiled and gazed at the star that read, Joy, December 5, 1875. The blue topaz stone sparkled as she looked down at the small bundle in her arms lovingly.

"There's no other name that suits her."

"I preferred Katie," he answered.

"No," she said shaking her head. "I wanted her to be called Joy for a reason, Rhett."

"And what reason is that, my dear."

She raised her gaze from her daughter and met his eyes. "Last year right before you came home, Ella and I were on our way to the store and we passed by the carolers. They were singing a song that had a line about comfort and joy and I remembered thinking that I had neither in my life at that time; but now you've come home for good and Wade and Ella are happy again. Now I have comfort and I have Joy" she whispered as she shifted her glance back to the newborn she held.

"So you see, Rhett, she had to be named Joy. She's the symbol of our new life together, she's our Christmas baby and Christmas is what brought us back together after all."

His eyes were filled with love as he leaned down and kissed her softly before kissing his daughters forehead.

"Joy Elizabeth Butler it is then," he told her taking the star from her hand and hanging it on the tree alongside her siblings.

"I think that tree may be even more beautiful than the one we had last year," she told him as she admired the finished product.

"It'll be even prettier with a few more stars on it," he answered a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"God's nightgown, Rhett, will you let recover from this one!" she cried

He laughed and took a seat next to her, "Take all the time you need my dear. Perhaps the next one can be named Katie."

"I want a boy next time," she told him bluntly.

"Now, Scarlett, haven't we been over that? I said no boys."

"I don't care what you said," she replied with a laugh, "I want a boy."

Rhett shook his head, "You don't want a boy."

"Yes I do."

"After all the trouble you had with Wade last year you want another boy?"

"Yes, it isn't fair for you and Wade to be outnumbered by the women of the household. Don't you think it needs to be evened out a little?"

"I'll have to think about it," he answered.

Scarlett giggled, "It isn't like you have a choice Rhett, if our next child is a boy there's nothing you can do about it."

"Now who's rushing it?"

"I'm not rushing anything I'm just saying you don't have a say in what it is."

"Neither do you," he reminded her.

"I know that," she replied as the baby began to stir and opened her eyes.

"I'm destined to spend my life surrounded by green eyed women," Rhett stated as he looked down into Joy's green eyes.

Scarlett laughed, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Not at all my dear. I was just surprised that she was born with green eyes."

"Why? I was born with green eyes so was Ella," she answered.

"You and Melanie told me when Bonnie was born that babies were born with blue eyes."

"Not all babies," Scarlett replied shooting him a bemused smile.

Before he could respond the clock struck midnight. Scarlett could hear the church belles ringing in the distance and a soft expression settled on her face. So this is Christmas she thought as she looked at her beautiful tree the candles casting a warm glow upon the room. The packages were piled beneath it in anticipation of the morning. Wade and Ella were upstairs warm and happy in their beds, baby Joy was nestled in her soft pink blanket in her arms being admired by her father. Her heart fluttered as she looked at Rhett. Last year she hadn't though for a moment he'd be sitting there sharing another Christmas with her. They had their ups and downs during the year but here they were together. "Love and miracles," she said to herself, "That's what Christmas is all about."

"Merry Christmas, Rhett," she whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Scarlett. Do you still believe?" he asked.

She smiled "I believe."


End file.
